I am going to discuss something that makes me extremely uncomfortable: caring for our elders. Perhaps I’ll sound heartless, unkind, or extremely selfish, but this is my truth: as long as I can remember I have been terrified by the thought of having to care for my mother when she gets old. Growing up as the daughter of a single Latina mother, it seemed inevitable that I would have to.
Being part of a large Latino family, I am no stranger to witnessing children becoming their parents caregivers and I have seen up close and personal that it is an awesome responsibility emotionally, financially, and physically. I love my mother and of course want what is best for her, but for many years felt daunted by the idea that I would most likely be the one that would end up caring for her in her later years.
Many Latinos live in mulit-generational households.
I had no idea how I would manage the stress of being her translator, navigator through the healthcare system, and sometimes nurse. My mother is a beautiful, generous, stubborn, and bossy woman. As her daughter, this apple did not fall far from the tree. I am all the things that she is, but my temper is worse. Yikes!
Life has turned out better in many ways than I expected and the possibility of taking care of my mother doesn’t terrify me as much as it used to for many reasons such as..
- I’ve matured and had a full life so I don’t feel like I am in danger of being robbed of time for myself.
- My mother is doing well and is quite competent and managing her own health care for the time being.
- My mother found a partner in life and my step-father is a rock and makes me feel like the future is taken care of.
- The advent of the internet has made it so much easier to acquire information. My teenager self never could have imagined all that the internet would put at my fingertips.
It is because of the internet that I learned about the findings of a White Paper The State of the Hispanic Caregiver released by Comfort Plus. The paper brings up issues that Hispanic caregivers specifically have to deal with, things like…
- Hispanic caregivers are younger than their general population counterparts.
- The stresses of living in multi-generational households.
- Hispanics have higher rates for causes of incontinence (diabetes, overweight, Alzheimer’s, etc.)
Because of these findings Comfort Plus has done things to make things easier for Hispanic caregivers, things like creating a dedicated section for Spanish speakers, Comfort Plus Para Ti. That’s HUGE!
Most websites offer translation options, but the translations are just not the same as having the content created in the actual language. For people like my mother and me this is a great thing because although I am more comfortable in English, she is far more comfortable in Spanish and being able to provide her the information in Spanish without having to translate it myself is just one less thing to worry about. Also, I would certainly rather discuss incontinence products at home rather than in the aisle of a store.
As far as I know, I may never have to become my mother’s caregiver, still it makes me so happy to know that there are resources out there for those that need them and I hope that this is a trend that grows because let’s face it, we are all getting older.
For more information about incontinence products “LIKE” Comfort Plus on Facebook and follow @ComfortPlusZac on Twitter.
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This is part of a compensated campaign with Latina Mom Bloggers and ComfortPlus Online. However, all opinions expressed are my own.
Is that you? Your family is beautiful! My mother is not nearly 80. We are not Latin, but Cajun French people are very much like close-knit Latinos. My mama is very independent, healthy, etc. There are some areas of concern, and she needs her daughters. But I am not afraid of what our future holds. God knows, too. Take care!
No that is not a picture of me and my family. That young lady is gorgeous.
And you? You think you are not beautiful? Of course you are, my friend! Inside and out.
Thank you!
This is a great post. I cared for my father at the end of his life, and I can understand the discomfort – it’s a strange experience to be caring for our parents.
It definitely is comforting to know that when the time comes that our parents will need to be cared for, there are people or services out there that can do it.
It sounds like you have a lot of perspective when it comes to caring for your mom one day. I hope she has many more years of independence, but if the time comes, at least you know you can handle it.
I hope your mom stays healthy for several years to come. Caring for parents is definitely stressful – I had to do so for a number of years in my teens and 20’s, but it’s good to know there are several services out there to help.
I think this is a hard thing to deal with. I’m happy to know there are options. While I come from a Mexican family where we watch for our own. I don’t think anyone in my family has ever had a caregiver that wasn’t family. There’s always a first though 🙂
I’ll admit that this thought crosses my mind now that my folks are both over 70 – and it terrifies the crap outta me! http://carmasez.blogspot.com
Latino families are very similar to Asian families in the sense that we are close-knit, we see children grow from babies to receiving babies as their grandkids, all in the family, most not living far from the roots. Sadly at 44 I do not have any grandparents left, but my parents and inlaws have taken their places, their homes become the gathering places for just about any occasion.
I’m sure U’ll do wonderfully when time comes to taking care of very elderly parents, looking after their needs. Human will somehow excel in times of emergency, and the way I see it.. U’re one with a BIG heart!
-mamatim-
I really appreciate your kind words and insight.
I am my mother’s only child…. I have no choice. I love her too much to not want to do it. 🙂
What an information post. Good to know that there are resources we can look to for help in such delicate areas of life. 🙂
Oh i loved this post. I’m in a situation at the moment where my mom is providing care for an elderly American couple… I help her out when I can b/c it’s a lot of work and they only allow for my mom to be with them and take care of everything. All the work she’s putting in with them, with visits to Drs, ER, etc… has caused me to think a great deal of caring for my own… my siblings and I have all agreed that we’d divi up the care, as in no, we will not send them to a nursing facility or the like. We all feel that we can provide the best care provided we have all the information needed to make it possible. Like you, it’s a topic and conversation i just don’t like having but know it’s inevitable. Great post.
Thank you for sharing this great resource. This may be our responsibility in maybe as little as ten years and we need to be on the ball. Thank you!
This is such an important topic and I’m glad that they offer a service like this for Spanish-speaking caregivers. Taking care of our parents is a big job and it’s often not an easy one either, plus all the decisions that have to be made…it’s better to be informed so we can give them the best. Thanks for sharing and I’m glad that your mother is doing so well…and has a great hubby…so that you don’t have to worry about it yet. 😉
I can totally relate. I may need to become my parents caregiver. This information is so useful. Thank you.
This is a constant conversation in my family. My parents, brother and I live in three different states…my grandparents were taken care of by my parents and their siblings…
Good luck to us all!
Teachers are right up there with Hispanics on the incontinence front. I can hardly wait. Beautifully written post, btw.
Thank you for bringing this issue up and speaking about it so honestly. Like you and millions of others, my family is in the same boat. I feel many of us are in denial and then must make critical decisions in the stress and chaos of an emergency. You point out an important resource and a start for what will be many ongoing conversations.