I identify as Mexican American, Chicana, Latina, or more recently Latine. My Latinidad colors my perspective on everything. It’s an intrinsic part of who I am and how I perceive myself in the world.
Growing up people would call me Spanish because they thought calling me Mexican was an insult. “I speak Spanish, I am Mexican,” I’d respond. When I met my husband, I told him I was a cultural ambassador and that by simply showing up as myself I was helping to break down stereotypes. Then something happened in 2019, I took a DNA test that left me incredibly confused about who and what I am culturally.
As far as I knew at the time, I was Mexican on both sides. I knew the results of my DNA test would be interesting because being Mexican can mean that you are a mixture of all sorts of ethnicities. Still, I did not expect to see Iran/Persia at the top of my ethnicity estimates. It made me wonder: How can I be Iranian/Persian if both my parents are Mexican and neither of them has any Persian ancestry?
Well, it turns out the man I thought was my biological father is not and my actual biological father was Iranian. I say “was” because he died before I ever found out about him.
I felt like an impostor
I went into a tailspin when I found out my father was Iranian, but not for the reasons you might think. What caused me to feel like I was spinning out of control was that my entire life I have been a proud ambassador of my culture, my Mexican American culture, my USian and Mexican biculturalism.
Finding out that I am of Persian descent as well as Mexican descent made me feel like an impostor. It made me wonder if I am less Latina because my DNA says I’m more Persian than Mexican. It’s difficult to explain to someone whose cultural identity isn’t at the forefront of how they “see” or define themselves, but if you know, you know.
Now, what?
Do I de-emphasize my Latinidad? Am I lying if I continued to tell people I’m Latina? What box do I check on government forms?
The results of my DNA test caused a huge identity crisis for me. And then the crisis went away when I realized that a DNA test can’t take my Latinidad away.
Ethnically, I am a descendant of people from many places. However, that hasn’t changed who I am culturally. Why? Because culture and ethnicity are not the same thing. Culture is learned and passed down from generation to generation. Culturally, I am Latina. More specifically, I am USian born with Mexican heritage.
The results of my DNA gifted me with a whole other culture to get to know. I look forward to learning more about my Persian roots, but I’ll never stop identifying as Latina. How can I when that’s the culture my single mother gifted me? And BTW it’s one of the greatest gifts I have ever gotten.
Leave a Reply