Awhile back, I wished for more female friends in my life. My life was lacking in female companionship. Well, the Universe must have been listening because I now feel surrounded and supported by wonderful women in my life. It’s not even that I made any new friends, it’s that I have been lucky enough to reconnect with the wonderful women that were already in my life. Part of it was that I was being a lazy friend. You get what you give.
My Husband/My Medical Advocate
Not to go on and on about my heath and interactions with the medical community on this blog, but I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with doctors. I am in a doctor’s office more often than not lately. I am considered a “high risk” pregnancy, so I am at the perinatologist regularly and I see an eye doctor because of recurring eye issues.
Lately, I’ve been going to the eye doctor A LOT. I have iritis in my left eye. It has been going on for over a year. I’ve had it with my doctor! Her bedside manner is equivalent to being in a boxing ring with Mike Tyson and having your ear bit off. The treatment that she has me on is NOT working for me. She puts me on steroid drops to get rid of the iritis. The iritis goes away, but my eye pressure is dangerously elevated by the steroid drops and then I have to worry about glaucoma and optical nerve damage. We’ve done this type of treatment more times than I can count just to have the same results. The iritis always returns about one month after I go off the steroid drops.
Please know that I am not a wimp. I know how to speak up. I am not meek. I have voiced my concerns over and over only to be put on the same friggin’ treatment. Iritis is an autoimmune disease. I’ve asked if I need to have other tests taken to see if there is an underlying cause. She told me it was not necessary because treatment would remain the same regardless of the test results.
This morning I called and asked to be seen as soon as possible because I am in pain and can tell things in my left eye are about to get really bad. I also asked my husband to come with me. I requested that at some point during the visit he ask the doctor about sending me to a specialist (I’ve asked before, but she didn’t seem to think it was necessary).
We went to the visit, the doctor proceeded to prescribe the same treatment as usual. I reminded her that the result would be me having dangerously high eye pressure and that the iritis would just return in a matter of weeks. She bobbed her head up and down and said it was still the best course of action.
This is when my husband/medical advocate asked to see a specialist. Dude! You should have seen my doctor’s back stiffen. She looked at him, then looked at me and said, “You want to see a specialist?” In my head I was responding with, “NO, DUH!?”, but in reality I tilted my head toward my husband and he said, “Yes, we want her to see a specialist.”
After that, she sends in a request to have a specialist call me and she orders a whole bunch of blood tests for me. Blood tests she could have ordered for me a year ago! I will go see the specialist and I am done with this doctor. Done. She should not make it so hard for me to get what I want or need. It all strikes me as an ego thing.
Why am I telling you this? Because I know I am not the only person that has issues standing up to the medical professionals in her life. Quite frankly, most of my doctors (I have a few) are very receptive, listen to my concerns, and help guide me to the appropriate treatment. This last year what with the “high risk” pregnancy and iritis, I have had to go to new doctors whose bedside manner is lacking. They just can’t seem to read my reactions correctly or listen to what I’m saying and they too quickly dismiss my concerns or requests.
I’m tired and stressed. I don’t want to go to the doctor prepared for a fight. I am emotionally vulnerable when someone tells me that I may lose my child or my eyesight. So from now on if I feel the need, I am bringing someone along to be on my side, to be my advocate. I felt silly asking my husband to come help me, but it worked and it took so much pressure off of me. If my husband is not available I’m bringing a friend and arming them with my questions and requests. I don’t need to do this with all of my doctors, but it’s so nice to have back up when needed.
And now your Friday Fortune Cookie (don’t forget to add “in bed” at the end, if you are so inclined):
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Someone told me long ago that most physicians are narcissistic. If you find one that OFFERS to refer you to someone for another opinion…hang onto that one (but still go get the other opinion). It shows that he/she is actually concerned with the best interest of the patients care, rather than being “right”.
I’m glad you’re going to a specialist and I hope you get some relief. It definitely sounds like an ego thing; some doctors get so offended if you question them. In my opinion, good doctors appreciate questions and have no problem seeking second opinions!
YES! I am so glad your husband was there to advocate you. I’ve had to have advocates for me in some areas of my life and its a huge help. Now, this eye specialist… will be the one to take charge of your irisitis, right? That woman has led you on a wild goose chase for what?? You said an ego thing and I thought it was a money thing, but you’re right, it looks like she couldnt do it so she has to send u to someone else.. who will know she couldn’t do it and that probably embarrasses her. So you mayhaps be right about ego.
I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee my doctor. I was having issues with my brain years ago. Dizzyness, blacking out, headaches, fuzzy visions, etc etc and this Dr tried EVERYTHING she could think of. Finally said she would send me to a specialist. I had respect for her for acknowledging her limitations and she could send me somewhere else more specialized. She’s earned my loyalty!I still go back to her for other things. Shes been my Dr for 10+ years
I hope the specialist will be able to put an end to this eye craziness! ♥
I think that is very smart to bring an advocate with you. Besides all the reasons you listed, I always feel like it’s information overload and so I forget to ask for what I want need. I’m glad your husband was there with you and I’m glad you get to see a specialist. xo
We all feel vulnerable when we are dealing with health issues and you are dealing with two big ones. Don’t hesitate to take an advocate to help express your needs.
I totally agree with OHN….any doctor who offers to refer you for a second opinion is a doctor you should keep and one who refuses is one you don’t want to go back to.
Stand up for yourself (or let your husband help you) — but don’t let those doctors brush you off. Hope the experience with the specialist is better. And adding “in bed” to that fortune makes me think those adult stores might not be such a bad idea. LOL!
Wow. I would have probably given up on her months ago and just gone to a new one. I know with insurance issues, it’s not always that easy, but this doc seems to have a bit of an ego.
Awe.Some. Not that you have the iritis and that it isn’t going away the way you want and need it to, but because you found a solution. I totally understand the doctors not listening, and we’ve left more than one doctor because of it. I hope that you do find the answers you need – and YAY to 34 weeks. Fingers crossed for you 🙂
No, agreed – you don’t stand on principle when it comes to your health, you do what works. If bringing an advocate works, bring an advocate, even if they should have just listened to you in the first place.
And c’mon, babe – as far as going “on and on” about your “heath and interactions with the medical community” is concerned, you know if you didn’t we’d be asking, so don’t worry about it!
I’m not a doctor so take this just as opinion. I think the medical profession gets too removed from the emotions. Maybe its a protection reaction to the stress. Maybe its from dealing with so many serious illnesses. Maybe burn-out. Good for you and your husband. Let us know the outcome of your iritis.
all the best
Wow. Not all doctors are like that. I have to say that I love my doctor(s). My family doc and my ob/gyn. Both are absolutely fabulous and great bed side manner. And great personalities. They both make it personal every time I go in and believe it or not remember what was going on in my life last time I saw them and ask me how it went or is going. I hope you find a new wonderful doctor or your’s magically wakes up “different” one day… Have a great Friday.
I am so very grateful that I am involved with the Mayo Clinic here in Jacksonville. We have some of the best Doctors on Earth here, I do believe. But even here, in the land of bliss, we are asked to have a caregiver come to most appointments so that the patient is represented and questions asked and treatments approved. My belief is that a caregiver (concerned party, spouse, best friend, etc) should attend a doctors appointment any time there is a chronic illness or condition being treated. Maybe not every time, but close to it. It’s good to hear the instructions, the condition, the prognosis with two different sets of ears. And as you found out – to be a new voice to get things you want.
Bravo to you. Don’t look back 🙂
I’m so pleased that you went along with moral support. Medical issues scare us all so it’s great to have back-up when something is really bothering us. To be still suffering with this eye condition and still being given the same treatment is just unacceptable. Hopefully now it will be sorted, once and for all.
and that would be why I don’t go to the doctors. 🙂 But our health care system is just fine the way it is so stop all this complaining. Just kidding. It’s so frustrating and I’m glad that your husband went with you. Someone who is not feeling sick is way better to fight that battle. i have read many articles about bringing another person in their with you just for that reason. So good for him!
Take care of yourself!
I still ask my husband to come to doctors appointments with me. At first it was a language thing but now it’s a “I need help sticking up for myself” thing… every… single… time. So I wouldn’t feel silly if I were you!
I’m glad you’re finally getting into see the specialist and I hope they can come up with something that won’t cause other complications like the steroid drops are doing.
It’s funny because it’s the other way round with me and my OH. I find I have to go with him to see the doctor and really enforce how seriously ill he may have been at the time. Why should I have to put up with him moaning at home and have him act the martar to the coats? I’m glad you are getting it sorted though. Do take care hun. xx
PS; I linked you to the suggestion on my list of 11 things to do in 2011. Great ideas, thanks for the input xx
I worked for many different docs. they can be aholes and don’t know a lot! a lot of them, just want to make money. I say go with your gut. I understand what you mean about being a lazy friend. I have been that myself and very alone at those times.
Sometimes to be proactive, we do need an objective assistant. You said it yourself in this post that you have had major concerns with this pregnancy and this past year with the eye. Do you have medical insurance? (I don’t). There have been a few times in my life that I did have health insurance and had to see the primary physician to see a specialist. Is that your situation? Is this eye doctor you have been seeing an opthamologist? Let us know how this goes.
Thankfully, I have insurance or I would not be able to afford even going to these doctors. Most of my doctors are great and have no problem giving referrals. For some reason the ophthalmologist I’ve been seeing is just stubborn.
Visit me at: http://www.unknownmami.com.
I’m so glad that your hubs stood up for you and demanded a specialist. That was the right thing to do!
i want to add my voice to the others, sugar. you did the right thing! we’re here for YOU! xoxoxo
I am so glad you have reconnected with old friends! I think it’s great that your husband went with you. DH and I can relate to your frustrations with doctors. It stinks!
I am so sorry that your doctor is leading you in circles, but I am so happy that your husband is such a great advocate. Hope this specialist offers far better treatment.
I am so glad that she gave you a specialist referral AND I am so glad that you are done
with her. What a punk. I can’t stand ignorant Doctors.
You have every right to feel frustrated visit after visit and no change. It’s important to be heard…I hope you get some rest and relief from your pain soon. Have a wonderful weekend!
Way to go Mami! I am sorry you are hurting and frustrated but I am glad you brought along your advocate. What a great Hubby!
Take care of you…
best,
Tina
Way to go Mami! I am sorry you are hurting and frustrated but I am glad you brought along your advocate. What a great Hubby!
Take care of you…
best,
Tina
Yeah, the treatment for your iritis might be the same no matter what the test results, but if I’m not smoking something here I would say that if you have an underlying problem and got THAT fixed the iritis would go away. No?
And I didn’t even go to medical school.
I used to be afraid of my drs but now I make em my bitch. Well, okay, I let em know they work for me so they best be helping me or I’ll go someplace else. They, so far, seem to be great.
Good for you and good for your husband for having your back. I hope the eye specialist will find the underlying cause of your eye problem and FIX it!
Ok, I’m gonna get all momma hen on you here. I have repeated bouts of iritis and scleritis as well (ouch!), and it IS connected to an underlying autoimmune disease. I hope you are seeing a rhuematologist or someone else familiar with such disease processes.
I am not seeing anyone for those things yet, but I will look into it. Thank you for the information.
Ugh! I am so frustrated. I just got back one of the tests that my eye doctor finally ordered and I did test positive for the gene that might make me more susceptible to rheumatoid arthritis. Why didn’t she test me for this stuff before I got pregnant? I told her I was planning on getting pregnant and I asked if I needed any tests. It is very difficult to treat conditions when you are pregnant and later if you want to breastfeed.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I’m glad you were able to get a requisition for a specialist no matter what it took. Those blood tests are what she knew she should have ordered for you long ago. Of course it’s important to know the underlying cause regardless of whether treatment would be altered or not. How could she not want to investigate the reason behind the condition? I hope the specialist is one who will give you straight answers.
That is really wise that you took your husband along to advocate for you. When we are sick or dealing with an ailment we don’t always have a clear head to think of the questions that need to be asked and most of all, advocate for ours
elves. When I go to certain doctor appointment to do with my injury I have an advocate hired by my attorney to go with me to my appointments.
My husband started out being diagnoised with iritis and they sent him to a specialist and then they said he had this other thing called sarchodosis(I am pretty sure I’ve spelled this wrong) and then they sent him to another specialist. He’s had to do the steroid drops too and when he stops it has gotten worse again. I hope they get to the bottom of this issue…if this doctor doesn’t listen to you then maybe you will need to find one that will?
High Five on getting the Specialist. I don’t know why some docs are such jerks but enough already. I hope the specialist has a fast and easy solution for a complete recovery. You deserve it! xo jj
Never, never, never see that eye doctor again!
Everyone needs to have an advocate. When it is about you personally I think sometimes it is hard to focus the attention to oneself and also concentrate on what a doctor is saying. I question the doctors until I understand and they also do my homework online or with friends. I am lucky that the pediatrician routinely refers us.
You have to remember that your doctors appointment is all about you and 100% important to you. for the doctor, you are one of 100s adn they can never know all the facts about your case as well as you or your advoacate can.
sorry to hear about your eye. Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. Come back I just did a make over! 🙂 I’m still here and following!
Kudo’s to hubby! My husband goes to the VA hospital (he is a disabled vet) and I cannot even get started on the CRAP that goes on in that building. I will be doing a post…soon.
I am continuing to pray for you and your little one and I really hope the specialist will give your eye some relief.
Yay for hubs! Mine would do the exact same thing. Praying a specialist will get it right.
Thank you! I would really love to get some relief.
I had when the doctors don’t listen. Many years ago I had a doctor, after being treated for a lung infection, who said your lungs sound great. I burst into tears saying” but I can’t breathe!” That night I had a nebulizer delivered to the house. I am glad you brought you husband with you. I have had to do this with my father who is 87, he never speaks up for himself. I am always telling him that this is your life and you need to speak up for yourself.
I hate going to the doctor when I actually like him/her, so I can’t imagine. Sure hope the specialist can help. XO!
You know what this post makes me think? If it were for my child, I’d insist on a specialist and wouldn’t leave the office till I had one. But, for me, I accept it.
I’m just like that. I identified with everything you wrote here today, with not questioning doctors.
(Confession time) I may seem like a badass here in the cyber space, in real life, I am a pushover. (Pathetic, isn’t it?) I am scared of speaking up to doctors. So this idea of bringing someone with me is absolutely brilliant! I’m so glad that you’re getting a specialist. Keeping my fingers crossed and sending positive thoughts your way. Keep us updated! (yes, i don’t mind reading about your medical woes. You’ve got talent in making the most mundane things sound engaging!
I’m glad you stood up to her. Doctors are just people. I’d like to see her try to blog!
Sometimes I just don’t understand doctors. Many years ago now my allergies were very bad so I saw an allergy specialist. He prescribed allergy shots that my primary care doctor would administer every other week. Well ironically enough I was allergic to the allergy shots. I had an incident at work and called my primary care doc. He wouldn’t even let me in his office and yelled at me in the waiting room saying that there was no way the allergy shots caused me to faint. I went back to the allergist for help, which turned out to be even more counterproductive. He swore the primary doctor didn’t know how to give an allergy shot and so he administered that week’s shot. When my arm turned bright red and swelled up the nurse gave me pills to stop the allergic reaction. His solution? To tell the nurse to give me another shot in the other room because surely there was something wrong with my arm and not his remedy. *shakes head*
I walked out without the second shot and haven’t been back to either doctor since. Sometimes I think we’re all alive in spite of the medical profession.
Ugh! I’m so with you. Right now, I am so livid at my eye doctor I can hardly stand it. They might be doctors, but we are still the experts on how our own bodies are reacting.
As I was reading your eye doctor issues I was going to insist that you find someone else. I know that comes off as easy advice, but we are creatures of habit and never changing our health professionals. Having your husband come with you is also a smart thing. I’m getting to the point that we should all have another person come to our appointments if just to have another set of ears to process doctor orders.
I wish I lived closer> I would totally come with you and I would even take you out to lunch!
Good for you for making a change. So sorry you are still going through this…I thought your eye was getting better!
Good for you, and Good for Hubs!!
What is it about some doctors that make them ignore the patient as if we’re know-nothing kids? What’s up with that seriously?!
When I was pregnant with my first child I went to a female OBGYN because I thought a woman would relate to me better. She was abrupt but very knowledgable, and I was grateful for that because I had a pregnancy fraught with complications. I wasn’t always comfortable, but I “did as I was told”. At 8mths pregnant when it came down to her prescribing a drug for me and I asked about potential risks to the baby, and she said “How am I supposed to know” and walked out, well I knew it was time to bring in hubby. She treated her wealthier clients differently, and boy did she treat ME differently every time he was there. *smh*