I’ve been really grouchy the last few days. Picking fights kind of grouchy. Walking around looking for things to get pissed off about grouchy. I know why. It’s because my brother had to go to rehab…AGAIN and as much as I try to disengage I can’t completely. I’m not falling apart, but it’s there in the background all the time like some sort of chronic condition. A kind of constant irritation that will not heal.
There is nothing that I can do for my brother except love him and support his recovery. I do not want any part of his addiction. He’s gone and isn’t in contact with anyone, but his stay-at-home wife is left behind with their son. She is not a drug addict. She does however have issues.
I want to be there for her because no one deserves to go through what she is going through, but I think I just have to stop answering the phone. The details don’t matter so I won’t get into them. Let’s just say that when I answer the phone and it is her I end up miserable and it takes forever to get myself out of that misery.
I know I can’t get wrapped up in other people’s problems, but what is really making me realize that I need to set limits is that I have a toddler looking at me lately and asking, “Happy, Mama?” This little girl is so invested in my happiness. When I’m happy, she is happy. I need to be just as invested in my own happiness.
Bottom line, I am not the one with a drug problem. I am not the one with a husband problem. I will take care of my family and myself. I will not get wrapped up in the drama and I will not pretend to help people that need to help themselves. I choose happiness.
This makes me smile every time I watch it…
And now your Friday Fortune Cookie (don’t forget to add “in bed” at the end, if you are so inclined):
Happiness begins with facing life with a smile and a wink.
*hugs* It’s painful to have to step back, but you’re right, you have to look after yourself and your own family first.
You do not need this stress. Ignore the phone or you will get dragged into it. Kids are so in tuned to things. For years my son has commented when he doesn’t see me smile much. They know and can feel your stress. Take care of you and your precious ones. It is unfortunate for his wife but they are both adults and will hopefully find their own way out of things. I know all this is easier said than done because I’m not in the situation though 🙁
oh, and isn’t that dog video a hoot!!! I watched it a couple weeks back and was cracking up.
There is nothing more difficult than knowing when enough is enough. YOU have to come first because despite public appearances, even granite erodes over time. If you use up all of yourself on others there eventually will be nothing left to give. Bloggy friends like me feel for you and truly appreciate your sacrifices for your family. You are indeed a very SPECIAL person. Hang in there! W.C.C.
Loved the video!!!!!
My husband has a 45 year old nephew who is on the run from the law because of drug-related crimes. He, too, is an addict (the nephew, not my husband). Fortunately, he lives at least 2000 miles away and we are not involved. Sadly, my husband’s sister (the nephew’s mother was just admitted to a nursing home in Florida with dementia. There have been all kinds of issues with the addicts siblings and the mother….I’m so glad we are not in the middle of it all.
I laughed my head off at that video! Hilarious! 🙂
I can relate to this on a personal level and my heart goes out to you. I think the best we can do is send out our love and good energy and get about the love and good energy in our own lives.
On a side note, that video cracked me up.
I have two cousins in and out of San Quentin prison for addiction/dealing — this has been going on for about 20 years. I keep praying for them, there is nothing else I can do. I’ll keep y’all in my prayers too.
I hope happiness finds you soon. 🙂
You really can only take care of yourself and your family. (I can’t find the words right now to express what I am feeling but just know that I understand and support you.) Sending you hugs and prayers. – G
You are right to step back and worry about your happiness. I’m going through something with my younger sister and I stepped away from her 3 weeks ago I just couldn’t deal anymore. I miss her but need a break from her emotional craziness.
I hope things get better for your Brother and SIL but your main concern is your lil family and their well being. Have a wonderful weekend!
It’s so hard to stay out of things. I have a sister who has depression issues, and it might as well be substance abuse because she refuses to address it. Sometimes keeping a firm boundary is the best thing to do, though it does make me (and you?) feel like a meanie.
Sigh.
Have addictions in my family too and understand your compassion for your brother but also the boundaries you know that have to be set for your own family’s protection. I can only say that Al-Anon helped two members in our family, they found a place to vent and then make their own decisions. Both were married (one to heroin addict, other to alcoholic) and both made changes in their own life and they and their kids are much happier and stable. One spouse eventually quit and remained ‘clean’ for decades now, unfortunately the other did not and is very sick now.
The video made me spew my coffee 🙂
That still royally sucks about your brother. The dog video is beyond awesome though.
Your investment idea is the best. Also the whole family benefits. Mama is happy the family is happy. You can only stretch yourself so far. The dog clip is a keeper thanks for sharing and all the best.
Sorry things are tough for your family right now. It sounds likeyou really have the right attitude though. All you can do is continue to love your family and be there for them how you can but you and your own family have to be put first. Wishing you the best.
So sorry about your brother. Chin up. As to that video – I saw that for the first time last week. Total crack up. Enjoyed seeing it again.
My brother is like that. Right now is a good phase, but who knows how long it will last. I hope a long time, but past has proven that not to be true. Years ago I finally decided I wasn’t going to enable it any longer & his life was just that… HIS life. I cannot be held responsible not can I handle the stresses of his life and also be a mama & wife to my own family. Hang in there my freind, it sounds like you are on the right track to YOUR happiness 🙂
I think a little tiny person blinking at me asking “happy mama?” might make me forget whatever it was I was thinking about…
oh… and that video is adorable!
Awwww cute dog!
I agree, try to distance yourself from the problems of others… you deserve to be happy.
I know how others can bring you down with their problems… it isn’t nice.
I choose happiness.
hold on to this, sugar! and watch that video again and laugh out loud! xoxoxoxooxo
It’s really hard to put yourself first when it’s not necessarily something you’ve been doing, but it’s important that you do it. So keep on keepin’ on!
That video is hilarious. It makes me smile too but I feel sorry for the poor dog. Sorry about your brother but at least he is in a place where he can get help.
Stopping by from FF.
Gerard did not think this was funny teasing a dog like that. I showed it to him because I thought he’d like it.
Gerard has a big heart. I like to imagine that right after the clip the dog got a nice big treat.
Does Gerard realize that dogs can’t really talk?
They can’t? You mean someone else added the voice? Silly humans.
you’re absolutely right.
you have to look after yourself and your own family.
hilarious video. i was literally lol !
happy weekend!
i’ll come back tomorrow for my ‘sunday in my city’ dose!
big hugs!
betty xx
I think you have come to the right conclusion. You can continue to love someone without letting their problems engulf you. Sometimes always being there for a person prevents them from problem solving for themselves.
I did think that video was funny and so creatively done.
I’m so sorry to hear about your brother and wish you all the best. It’s hard to deal with an addict. To have so much love for a person, but to not even know that person. Some times, there’s not much to in a situation like this. I really do hope things get better, but have learned to look on the other side of things as well. Hold your kiddos close and thank the Lord that they are healthy.
I’m keeping everyone in my thoughts (you and the kiddos especially). It’s tough, but you will make it through this. 🙂
Isn’t it amazing how intuitive kids are? My three year old son can tell whenever I’m stressed about something and does the same thing and asks me if I’m happy… Almost makes me cry every time.
It is amazing and very touching. They just see through all of it, to the core and they want you to be happy.
I do the same thing ~ I remember I took up kick-boxing when this happened in my life. UGGGGG! so hard!!!!
((there were other issues too…like this situation.)) In time I became a black belt in Kick boxing and an advanced brown belt in Kempo Karate 🙂 It was perfect!!! I got to hit other people that hit me back. It was a HUGE stress reliever. I then got to teach others another huge stress reliever ~ I know your babies are young but even if you could take a fitness kick boxing class hitting targets or bags…ALL GOOD! and that video ~ Oh! My Gosh! So FUNNY!!!!!! I’m trying to get a post together to play your Sunday meme…we will see if I can. I hope so! But, you just never know…:) Happy Thought!!!
That video cracked me up!!!
Choosing happiness is the most important (and sometimes the toughest) thing ever. My son is the same way, he senses when I am “off” and tries to shake me out of whatever is bugging me. It’s the best reminder to choose him…choose happiness (-:
You’re doing the right thing for you and your family.
Oh dear – those decisions are heartbreaking but needed. I had a friend who only had drama in her life. It made my heart hurt to talk to her. When we moved away I chose to just never talk to her again. It’s been 7 years and through the grapevine I’ve heard that she still has tons of drama. Someone else is listening to it – it doesn’t have to be me.
Love that vid of the dog!!
Send her the book “Co-Dependent No More” with a nice note. Find an Al-Anon meeting for yourself. Love him, but don’t get twisted up into the misery. Hope things are better for everyone soon.
I think you are making the right decision, Mami. I’m sorry for your brother and his family, but you are right–they must work it out for themselves. Hugs.
That dog video had me giggling. I know that boundaries are important, but as women it’s hard to draw the line. We are caregivers. I have a teenage friend in my life now who calls far too often. I know that feeling. I want to help but I can’t be my friend’s source of strength. He has to find his own way in this world eventually. Hope your week ahead will be filled with moments of peace and contentment.
I am sorry for what you are going through. I think it takes a very beautiful person to pick up the phone, listen, love unconditionally and then go back to living life in a great way. Sometimes the people we care about and love have drama. We don’t need to join in their drama, but we do need to be there to listen as they break it down.
((HUGS)) It’s hard not to be involved or concerned when it’s family even when we know they continue to f*ck up! The bond is deep.
I love the video, makes me smile too.