I do something that I am not proud of and I do it often. I know it’s not “right”, but most of the time I can’t seem to help myself. Sometimes I don’t even know that I’m doing it. My husband calls me on it sometimes and then I feel ashamed and guilty. Perhaps, you do it too.
What is this nasty habit of mine? I do not fully embrace the Present.
I might be sitting next to the people I love most in this world doing something wonderful, but I am not really there. My brain is somewhere else. I am thinking of something not nearly as important as what is happening right in front of me. I am distracted. I am missing out. After the fact, I am annoyed with myself for keeping a distance, for being preoccupied, for letting the moment slip by.
I have found some activities in my life that help keep me in the moment. Exercise helps. Sometimes exercise can really keep me grounded and it carries over into the rest of my life. Acting does it for me too, I think that’s why I like it so much. If I am performing, I am there and “in the moment”, I am not thinking about my credit card bills or that the car needs an oil change.
I am sharing this with you because yesterday without warning and with no effort on my part, I was PRESENT.
I started the morning by feeling sorry for myself and my sorry state of finances. A friend called and encouraged me to meet her and her daughter at the zoo because it was free day for SF residents. I tried to excuse myself because obviously I had much more important things to worry about, but she convinced me.
Put Pie (my daughter) and I met them at the zoo and do you know that the entire time I was there, I was ACTUALLY there! My mind did not wander, I did not try to rush the experience so that I could hurry up and do something else. I was PRESENT and it was wonderful; it was relaxing; and it was a moment of peace in my mind and in my life.
It’s good to be PRESENT, I really should do it more often.
“Yesterday is History,
Tomorrow a Mystery,
Today is a Gift,
That’s why it’s called the Present”
ALSO READ: 5 Quotes About Change Because You Can Resist, but You Cannot Stop Change
Such a good reminder. I’m often guilty of day dreaming when I’m with my family. I’m not usually worrying about things, but my mind just goes elsewhere to play. My husband also calls me on it and I’m working on it.
Oh yes, friend this is my biggest obstacle. I’m serious. My biggest obstacle. Have you read A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle? I’m not big on self help books. I don’t normally buy into things like “The Secret” or “The Celestine Prophecy”. But this book was so amazing and inspiring I acutually used a highlighter and wrote notes in the margins! I highly recommend it.
‘Every Day is a renewal; every morning the daily miracle. This JOY you feel is LIFE” (Gertrude Stein). When I wake up every morning I try to tell myself “The moment is what it is. This moment is where I need to be”. My problem is always looking to the next thing. Planning. Worrying. Making lists. I’ve realized this is not truly living.
Be present. It’s so hard….but so fundamentally important.
GREAT post!
Best,
Tina
I actually bought “A New Earth” during my last pregnancy, but was having such issues with panic attacks that I couldn’t read it at the time. Thanks for reminding me that I own it. Now I just have to remember where I put it.
I struggle with this, too! Glad you were able to be present at the zoo!
I’ve been struggling with this too. Thanks for the reminder. It’d be neat if we could get presents to remind us to be in the present…ya know what I mean, like little wrapped boxes of jewelry or chocolate…..
I’ve been taking days off of work to focus on my family…last weekend was spent WITH them, and it was so nice.
I totally get this. It is something I work on a little bit every day.
Pike Place fish market in Seattle provides a video to corporations on the topic of being “present”. Why a fish market? Because they are hugely successful, and the reason for that is the way their employees interact with the customers. If you “google” fish philosophy, a large selection of motivational videos pop up.
My other thought here is: Perhaps being distracted is normal for you right now, considering everything you’ve been through. It could be a survival mechanism.
I’m glad that you had a nice day, finally. Don’t beat yourself up over being distracted sometimes. It’s o.k. Hugs. xo d
I’ve worked a lot over the past year to be Present. To focus on Now. Because Now is all that I am really guaranteed to have. Whenever I start to get stressed about paying bills or a project at work or waiting on something… whenever the anxiety builds… I have to stop and focus on N O W. And only what is right in front of me. Bringing it down into this tiny little piece of life- now- makes life easier to manage and also allows me a lot more enjoyment of the now-ness.
I think we all do that from time-to-time. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
I am just as guilty, and am working HARD to realize I need to only see and hear what is immediately in front of me.
That will all be gone one day, and I want to have the memories. I also want my children to remember me as being engaged with them.
That is very important to me.
Glad things are so much better for you, week by week,
We are thinking of you.
Sometimes those moments of experiencing the present are all that keeps one same. But hard to remember in the throes of self pity.
Lovely post. I don’t find myself often drifting off somewhere else but I do often find myself trying to rush through everything, working to some inexplicable time plan and not fully embracing and enjoying the moment. It is good to get out and do something fun – I took my daughter to a nature trail the other day and it took us an hour to walk just one mile but she did it and along the way she pointed out so many things that I would never have otherwise noticed.
I am glad you got to spend the day at the zoo and had such a wonderful time.
Being present means we are actual a part of our lives… Life is made up of small moments. If we miss them, we miss out on life.
Lovely lovely post!
I need to work on this. 🙁
Yikes! I am like you… always worrying/thinking about the future or the past… so for today I will do like you, and be in the PRESENT! That wee saying is so true!
Amen.
i work hard to be “fully present” and have coached my children to do the same. electronics have robbed so much of being fully present from encounters. now that my husband has a crackberry, i find that he does it too. just because your pocket vibrates doesn’t mean you have to check your phone! grrrr.
it takes intentionality to be fully present. i’m so glad that you took a break and went to the zoo. sounds like it was delightfully therapeutic!
I needed this reminder. I am always somewhere else. It’s difficult for me not to be distracted. I need to remember that these are moments that I can never get back. GREAT POST!
What if’s build anxiety. Why torture yourself?
My mind isn’t so much in the past as it is in the future. I’m a worrier.. I constantly worry about “what if” or things I have to do in the future .. far and near. Big things, little things.. I’m there. It makes me crazy because I’m missing *now* for *then*.
I play the “what if” game a lot. I get myself out of it by saying to myself, “if, if, if my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle.”
When I started my blog I chose the title “Living Consciously” to help myself do just what you are talking about…pay more attention to the moments in my life. From the comments above it sounds like living in the present is something we all struggle with to some extent.
If I didn’t have to struggle through this with my husband, I would say that I am this way, but now it is more of a was for me. It was a hard habit to break, but I guess when there is two of us like that it just doesn’t work for long.
Glad to hear you enjoy the zoo with your daughter, your friend, and her daughter. We have to go back to SF Zoo one of these days when it is NOT freezing. Last year we went around Thanksgiving. It was too cold to enjoy the zoo.
I am working on with my therapist. I too hate not being present and I often bicker with my husband because I am thinking of the zillion things that could go wrong, or the zillion things I need to do or the million things that could be different, and he will *gasp* ask me a question, or blow his nose and I will be so ripped that he just jolted me out of “next week” that I will snap at him. It’s such a sad way to live but sometimes I am so scared to be present with everyone, I can’t explain it and right now I am in the middle of fighting to stay in the present and letting go of the anxiety that I have grown to in a way love.
I understand. I feel like I use it as a shield of sorts, but it is no longer benefiting me.
I’m not often *absent* from what’s going on around me… but once in a while… yeah, it happens. I think I use it to escape the medical and financial stresses that I have to handle on a day-to-day basis. But I always try to be *present* when family is surrounding me. I’m totally focused when we’re at the zoo, LOL!
Thinking of you, hon and remembering you in daily prayers here. So glad to see you come for a visit now and then. 😉 {hugz} and ♥
Now that was a good day, so happy about that!
I’m guilty of the same thing, so you’re definitely not alone. I’m glad you and your daughter got to spend a day of fun in the zoo. Our children will be grown and gone before we know it, so it’s nice to build memories together.
I have this problem too. Thanks for the reminder Mami!! Love you!
This is great advice, Mami. Thanks for the reminder.
Great post!!! Glad you enjoyed your day at the zoo!!I do the same thing sometimes and I hate it too!!!Hugs Mami!
call me sexist if you want but I think the “what if” worrying is more of a female thing. Of course both sexes get distracted and miss the joy of the present at times.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. We need to enjoy the richness of those special moments when they pass by. It’s all easier to say than do. Thanks for this post and it’s advice. So what’s Put Pie’s favorite animal?
She likes monkeys.
I think the “what if” thing is by far more prevalent in women than it is in men.
I have recently come to realize that I haven’t been “present” in awhile. I’ve taken more time off from blogging so I can truly experience each moment as it comes, especially with my family!
Good for you on going to the zoo and enjoying your time! We just recently went to the Oakland Zoo for the first time and it was amazing!!!! Never been to the SF zoo but I bet it’s just as nice!
I am so glad you went to the zoo. and being present, good for you. I know how hard it can be, but I relieve believe it is the best thing we can do for ourselves, now where the heck am I. LOL, Hugs
Oh fine post. I tend to be a worrier too and often need self-reminders to enjoy what is. Thanks for the extra nudge. I’m glad you had a great day. 🙂
Thank you 🙂 It’s good to hear things we already know to be true, in a different voice. Your voice was perfect for this lesson. Thank you!
I am totally like that, too. I have worked very hard to 1. not worry so much and 2. Be mindful. I just love the idea of mindfulness. So, I have two quotes for you:
“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” ~Swedish Proverb
and
“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
I’m in the same boat– not being “present” all the time, but I’m working on it really hard.
Glad you and Put Pie had a great day at the zoo. I hope the peace continues.
xoxo jj
sounds like it was a great day!! I need to remember this to live in the present; I’m always somewhere else myself; thanks for the reminder
betty
I’m so glad you were able to enjoy a day with Put Pie. You deserve it.
I think it’s very hard to be in the present but it’s totally worth it.
Sometimes I feel just like you. I am a daydreamer and most of the times I am stuck in some time that is not the present. I look at the past and I guess like history so much that I keep going back.
However I am trying to enjoy my present more by doing activities that force me to stay in the present. And when I am with other people I bring in a topic that interest me so that I can stay focus in the present.
Since starting the TTC journey I always look into the future and I always say expectations is greater than happenings :). I really hope what will happen will be greater that what I expect, but for now I will focus on my present and take my days one by one like the sand on a beach.
Not being present is pretty much how I spent my life. Not worrying about other things in the current life situations, just that is the way I learned to cope and survive as a young child. I was not aware of it though. Yet every once in awhile I would experience something that I called being in sync and I could not figure what that was. Well, duh, it was being aware and present. My hubby can tell if I start to slip away but it happens so rarely now. It took lots of hard work in therapy. Being really alive and not in a fog means I can fully participate in relationships and in my life. It is wonderful.
Dropping in to say ‘hola’! 🙂 I’m glad you’re all doing well. Feliz aniversario! Still sending good vibes and juju your way. 🙂
Hey Gorgeous, hope you are well. I’ll be by soon.
That is how life should be lived. Sometimes stress prevents it from happening, but it’s wonderful you experienced it for the day!
I do this so often and most of the time I don’t realize it either…thanks for pointing it out for me. Glad you had a fun time at the zoo….the pics were great 🙂
I’m so glad you got out and went to the zoo with your friend. God knows, I have been submersed in anxiety and stress since I lost my nursing job of 21 years in the San Francisco budget cuts 20 months ago. I’ve never been so terrified financially. My 2008 income was $140,000 and now, with retirement on a half time pension and social security, it’s under $50,000 a year. At 66, and alone, I worry. I’ve exhausted every cent of savings and travel, which was my biggest personal delight and way of relieving stress, is no longer possible. Blogging has helped so much and I’ve really benefitted from the friends I’ve made in this realm!!
You make an excellent point we would all do well to notice. Thanks. (Funny, I feel like a spammer writing that–it sounds so generic, but I mean it 🙂
Yup, I often struggle with that, too. Being a worrier that I am. I have to constantly talk myself into being in the present. I love that little poem at the end, so true!
Thank you for reminding us of this. I really need such a reminder over and over again since I am constantly getting distracted by the INTERNET of things!
I’ve been so good lately, it’s crazy. The last few days I haven’t been incessantly checking email on my iPhone. I might get used to this.
We just wanted to let you know your blog was included on Momtourage’s Fab Five Fridays last Friday! Follow us on Twitter @momtourage!
Thank you so much for the shout out. I’m honored.
Visit me at: http://www.unknownmami.com.
I am so guilty of this! My mind never slows down enough to take in the now. I absolutely believe that this is my chief lesson in this life. It is a constant struggle for me. Even when I am playing with my daughter. I work at it everyday so I celebrate you!
🙂
Traci
This is exactly my life long struggle. I am really proud of you for seeing it for what it is and making the choice to be in the here and now.