My brother is a drug addict.
He isn’t much of anything else.
He isn’t much of a man.
He isn’t much of a father.
He isn’t much of a husband.
He is an excellent liar.
He has been a drug addict for more than half of his almost 32 years.
None of it comes as a surprise anymore. None of it. And yet sometimes, I’m still caught off guard.
It is all so very ugly.
About a month ago he started having seizures or convulsions or who knows what. I can never believe anything he says.
A week ago he was admitted to the hospital because he had another convulsion and cut his head open on his kitchen floor.
He was released, we were relieved.
He went home and at 2 in the morning his wife woke up to a bed missing a husband.
She went looking for him and found him high on heroin.
He denied it.
She couldn’t find any drugs or paraphernalia, but she didn’t believe him.
She couldn’t find any incriminating evidence because he had shoved it up his ass.
Do you see how ugly this is?
Who does something like that?
A drug addict does.
My brother is a drug addict.
He’s gone now, supposedly getting help.
He’s gone to get help before.
He might be gone for a whole year.
He has a stay-at-home wife and a 5 year old son that no longer have an income.
This is the part where I lose it…
imagine every curse word in the universe and then add some that haven’t even been invented
This story sucks.
There are a few possible endings.
Most of them are not good, but I am still hoping for a happy ending.
Why?
Because the drug addict is my brother.
Image via jeffdjevdet/Flickr
ugh. lots to think about here. but mostly, i love you friend.
there are no words, just prayers.
I’m so sorry your family is going through this, it is awful. I hope the story finds a happy ending.
It is so sad that we have to have people like this in our lives. I truly feel sorry for you and for his wife and child. Drugs are sooooo horrible. Big hug.
It is unfortunate when family members do things to harm themselves. I haven’t spoken to my birth father in many years because he is an alcoholic, a gambler, and a liar. I just stopped speaking to one of my brothers because he’s decided to be too much like our father. You try so hard to help, but sometimes you just can’t.
I hope he wants to help himself. It’s the only way it will work. Hopefully someone can get to the root of this very longstanding problem. So sad.
so incredibly sorry to hear… i cannot imagine what his wife and child go thru on a daily basis…
Oh Mami, so sorry to hear about your brother’s problems with drugs. It’s heartbreaking and while he’s been in so much trouble with drugs, I can imagine your pain because he’s your brother and you love him.
An important post. All I can offer are my prayers…
Sigh… I am sorry to say, I know how it feels. I know how you worry. It’s just terrible!
Selfish ~ Weak ~ Lier ~ these words are not strong enough. I’m so sorry! I hope for a positive out come too, especially for his family.
My hubby has a nephew who is a drug addict. And hubby’s sister is an enabler. It has torn her family apart. She has 3 other children (all are adults, including the addict. He is 40 something and his sister and 2 brothers are in their 50s) . None of us know where the addict and his mother (who is 78) are. No one in the family has had contact with either of them for nearly 2 years. The addict was stealing from other family members and when the oldest brother pressed charges as a last resort, the rift occurred. No one has seen or heard from either of them since. I feel for you and for your sister-in-law and her child.
I’m so sorry. I hope for you, and for his wife, and child that there is happy ending.
I feel for you Mami. I’m sure it’s very hard having a brother that way. My x husband was a heroine addict. He took advantage of my youth, drew me into his web, with his handsome face and educated speech. The ride was more than I knew how to handle, it took me years to escape and years after that to heal all the things he screwed up in my mind. It was like being insane for 12 years, I don’t know what was real and what wasn’t real.
It is said your bottom is when you stop digging. I hope your brother has put down the shovel.
Oh friend….I feel your pain. In so many ways. Loving someone who is an addict is like being strapped onto an incredibly scary ride you do NOT want to be on and desperately want to get off. You want to believe in change. You want to believe in what is in their hearts. And the drug always wins. Always.
My father is a drug addict. I was that kid who’s father disappeared for long periods of time. Who promised to get better. Be better. I was that kid who was consistently disappointed when he let me down. Like the time he sowed up high off his rocker to my solo performance in middles school. It was awful.
There came a time about 10 years ago that I had to decide it was not a good relationship for me. In that time he has contracted the AIDS virus and suffered two strokes.
I hope your brother wins his battle. I hope his child can rise above the grief of being let down. I hope for you….
Best,
Tina
Tina, thank you for sharing yourself and your story.
My only comment is that really, really sucks.
There is always hope that maybe this time it will work. Unfortunately, you have to want to be free of your addiction before outside help can be of any use. Prayers to you and your family Mami.
So sorry. My grandpa had an alcohol addiction and it was ugly for a very long time. But it ended SO very happily. There is hope. For your brother and for everyone who struggles with this.
Thank you for the reminder that there is hope because sometimes it just feels so hopeless.
I feel for you and the situation. I have my 18 yr old son who has done many drugs, mostly smokes pot…I pray daily that he gets cleaned up and realizes what life has to offer and doesn’t end up dead by age 21. I will pray for you and your brother and his family. Terrible when the kids have to suffer.
I am so sorry. I truly feel for you and all those who love him.
HUGS, I had a uncle who was manic and was the same. Drugs took him and left behind 2 kids. It just breaks my heart that they can be so self absorbed and then drugs take the front seat and doesn’t like to be a passenger ever.
P.S. Yes that guy’s blog about the gym was an ARSE the things he said about people who are unperfect was horrible. It blew me away how man of people commented and agreed with him.
Mami, peace and healing for your brother…and peace in the Powerlessness for you, his wife, his children, his family.
Powerlessness got me through a whole lot.
besitos.
Thank you. I needed to be reminded of Powerlessness.
Wow.
Hope and prayers for your brother and his family.
this is so hard…a fmily member you love but…i hope he gets the help he needs…
I had to come back twice. I never have much of a problem replying to a funny or nice photo post. This is the dark side of life. This stuff just sucks. Too many ruined lives. So many people who don’t have the problem can’t understand it. I don’t understand why it starts. For too many once it starts it becomes a serious illness. One reason I have a hard time replying is because I know you probably know more about it and wish you didn’t. It certainly tests your sister-brother relationship. I don’t know any good helpful words – all the best
I’m so sorry. Sending prayers.
My father is an addict and it hasn’t ever gotten better. My stepfather was addicted and he overcame it… the difference in the two of them is worlds apart.
Unknown Mami, my heart goes out to you. This one really speaks to me. This was my ex husband. no matter whom is going through it there is such heart ache. You care for the one whom is addicted, yet you are so angry at the choices they make. It was a very hard time in my life. My ex is supposedly clean now but I was never able to trust him, I do wish him well. I am sending a hug your way. This is the most powerful post you have ever posted. You are a strong woman, I hope all turns around for your brother and his family.
Addiction is so awful. Are there alanon support groups for drug addicts’ families. I know that alanon is so helpful. Hang in there!
I’m sorry your brother is struggling with this horrible addiction and that you, your sister in law and niece, and certainly others.. are suffering because of it. I’ve seen how addiction can destroy a family. I hope your brother gets help. I hope you can find peace.. no matter the outcome.
That is so sad.
For his wife and son… for him… and for you and your extended family.
I lost both my brothers in seperate car accidents when they were just young men…
so can appreciate how you feel in a way…. even though your brother is still alive.. it must be so heartbreaking to see him killing himself slowly.
{{{HUGS}}}
OMG it took me an hour to get your blog to accept my comment! Talk about make me rattled… hopefully it doesn’t happen again and again as it has been for the past few weeks!
I will pray for him and his family. As disappointed as you must be, just love him. I’m sure he loves you, your mom, and his family…just not himself.
I’m so sorry – how utterly heartbreaking! My heart goes out to you, your brother, his wife and son.
How are you? Where did you go?
It is hard when siblings are total screw ups. I have a brother that is not a drug addict, but is just about any other kind of trouble you can think of. My sympathies to you and your family.
This gave me the chills when I read it. I’m so sorry for what you and your family have to go through. I will hope for the happy ending that we all wish for your brother. I wish I could offer help or say just the right thing, but know that I’m sending positive energy your way.
As always, thank you.
P.S. You were in my dream the other day. We were both 18.
I’m so sorry for you and the rest of your family. Hopefully he will get help this time and will stick with the recovery.
I’m so sorry. I know the life all too well. We’re trying to de-tox my daughter now. It’s maddening and heartbreaking all at the same time. Much love to you.
I am so sorry that you know the pain of loving someone who is an addict. I read this earlier and it made me so sad to my core that I had to walk away to catch my breathe. I am that addict. I was that selfish liar. I am that person and but for the grace of God I could still be that person today…or more likely I wouldn’t be alive today.
Stories like yours remind me of who I used to be and what I still could be if I hadn’t stopped. Addiction is not pretty. It is pure hell. At first I made the choices to use but at some point it chose me…yes I was still the one choosing but just like the blood that flowed through my veins “it” was my life force. I remember holding my head and screaming how much I hated “it” and me And it actually hurt the most when those I loved acted loving towards me.
It wasn’t until I hit my rock bottom…until I tasted death in my mouth that I really knew that it was either this or reach out for help. In those first day’s of choosing to not be high I would cry and cry because feeling “normal” felt so foreign to me. But thankfully those day’s turned into weeks and those turned into months and now it’s years. Still, I don’t ever for one single second forget where I’ve been and where I could be if I didn’t continue to choose this path I’m on.
I hope you don’t ever give up on loving your brother. I know it hurts. I too have been on the other side of it. I will be praying for your brother, his son and wife and for you. I just want you to know that there is hope. I’m sorry. XX
Thank you for putting yourself out there. I appreciate your sharing your experience and although it makes me incredibly sad that you went through it all, I am happy to know that some people can come out the other side. No matter what, I cannot stop loving my brother. I would have to stop being me, to stop loving him.
I am so sorry to read this, and I hope with the support of their friends and family, his wife and son pulls through this tough time.
xoxo,
Addie
The Cat
Hag
so sorry to hear about your brother. my prayers are with you!
This is a really hard situation and it is harder for the ones that have to stand and watch than the one that is addicted. They can only help themselves and until they reach that point everyone else is left helpless. I hope he comes to that point where he realizes he needs help and will seek it. I feel badly for his wife. I hope she is able to start a life for her and her son without the drama you brother is bringing in to their lives.
I’m sorry that you are having to deal with a situation like this with someone you love.
Hoping for a happy ending for you all and strength in the meantime. Hugs.
Powerful, shocking, SAD. Stay brave and hopeful. W.C.C.
I have it in my family, too. I know.
I am so sorry you all are going through this. I hope your brother finally gets the help he needs, for him and for his family. My thoughts are with you all.
That’s so sad. I hope he gets the help he needs this time.
It must be a very difficult situation…
But I agree.
I always think that there may be an happy ending.
Otherwise life is not worth it to be lived.
Right?!
So frustrating to hear and even more frustrating to live with people like this in our lives (in any capacity). Stay strong and know that there’s nothing you can do to change him…
I am so sorry. This is very sad. This brought me to tears. ((HUGS))
At least his son has a mother and Aunt that seem to care. Your brother… I hope the “help” works.
I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I lost my sister to alcoholism last month. It was a painful cruel death. Like watching suicide in slow motion. I will pray for a happy ending with your brother. I hope the treatment really sticks this time. Sending you all the love in my heart.
I am so unbelievably sorry. I have no words. Know that I love you.
Thanks so much, sweetie. I really hope your brother is moved to change his life. But I know how awful it is to feel powerless in this situation. To have to watch someone you love make these choices and not be able to do anything to change the course of the river. Remember that your love for him is all you can give him and that he is the one who needs to turn his life around. For me, accepting that I wasn’t responsible for my sister’s problems was one of the hardest things I had to do. If you ever want to talk, I’m here. Always. 214-394-5932.
Good thing you are not asking for advice because there just is not any good way to be around this. I left relationships in the past because they loved drugs more. Worrying about his wife is nonproductive, although it hurts to see others hurting. She is choosing to stay in the relationship. She will either stay like it is now; or she will finally have enough and move on, or a miracle could happen and your brother could finally hit bottom and work on changing his life. It has happened to many people even those users for many more years than your brother has been using. I commend you for taking care of yourself and being a whole person for your family.
I am so very sorry that you have to be part of the pain in this family drama. Yesterday I talked to a woman who took in a runaway. She was living in the streets because her mom is a cocaine addict, and she doesn’t want her teen daughter in the house anymore. Just the drug selling boyfriend. The pain of addiction touches so many. In every country.
Hopefully you all will get a happy ending! It’s so hard when someone we love makes such terrible choices! Thinking of you!
Thank you, friend.
It is so much harder to deal with when it’s family. I am sorry for his wife and kid to have to go through that, and sorry for your family too.
Big hug for you and bigger hug for his son… ::hug:: ::bigger-hug::
Do you live close? Maybe you can drop off some groceries. Send a prepaid Visa card. Support your SIL and your nephew however you can in whatever way that allows you to remain detached from the drama. Prayers to all…
As an RN for 45 years, I have seen – and heard – so many horrible stories like this. In the past 21 years, before budget cuts ended my job as a forensic nurse for the city, I listened to rape victims and children relate stories of abuse by drug addicts, many who were given second – and third – and fourth chances by loved ones, desperate to see the brothers and sisters and fathers and friends change their lives. Drugs are so powerful and their hold on an individual seems to exclude all else. Still, we hate to give up on someone whom we love. Sometimes, for the good of ourselves and our family, that is what we must do, not that we don’t continue to pray that, somehow, a miracle may happen to save this soul.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I read this post from my phone when you published it and did not know what to say.. today I read it again and I still do not know what to say.. Till I find the right words I want you to know that you’re in my prayers and that I wish the best for your family.
Gracias, amiga.
Girl I’m right there with you. My brother is 41 and a drug addict. He’s divorced with four kids (3 from his wife) and a grandfather. Still is in and out of rehab and in and out of church!! Hang in there!
I can understand what you’re going through. I have a younger (20 year old) brother who’s on the verge of drug addiction.
I let him live with me for some time and help me in my business, but that stopped working because my room-mate also occasionally does drugs and that gave my brother full access to whatever he wanted to smoke.
Now he’s back with my parents, troubles them everyday, and I don’t know what to do !
You might like to check out http://www.siblingsupport.com.au
Thank you.