I have been fairly honest and open about the challenges I’ve been facing during my current pregnancy, but there is something that I have not shared. I haven’t shared it even though it’s one of the things that has been causing me the most worry.
I haven’t shared it with you because I’m selfish and I wanted and still want your support without controversy. You see I am aware that we may not be of the same political, religious, or non-religious bent and I am okay with that, I celebrate and respect our differences. I never want to be surrounded by only like-minded people. Where is the growth in that? It is important that we embrace each other even in our differences and share or debate in a respectful manner.
Today, I am finally ready for full disclosure. I went to get another ultrasound and again things are progressing positively. It appears that there will always be an issue with the right kidney that may or may not have to be operated on after birth, but the left kidney is working well and my amniotic fluid is on the low end of the normal range. Low end of normal sounds fantastic after having been on the dangerous side of low. The news today is really pretty much the same as the news 2 weeks ago and yet I feel like a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders.
The weight I’ve been carrying, the part of this story that I have been keeping to myself, is that up until today I was presented with the possibility of terminating the pregnancy. I know that for some people this might have been a non-issue, but for me it was not.
The very first ultrasound that I had left me with the possibility that my child would develop without any kidneys and be born just to die shortly afterward. I am strong, but I am not strong enough to go through that. I’m just not. For weeks I prayed, hoped, wished for kidneys so I would not have to make that decision. The kidneys kept being elusive, but now it is certain that at least one is functioning.
Today was a momentous visit because after today the option to terminate is no longer an option.
So there you have it, the whole truth of my story. It’s not that I was trying to keep any of it a secret, it’s just that sometimes some things are so heart-breakingly personal that they are not open for public scrutiny.
I continue to thank you for your support and kindness. I have used your strength when mine was depleted. Your positive thoughts and energy have no doubt contributed to the positive development of this little girl inside of me.
Most of all, I thank you for letting me share my truth.
There are obviously people out there who wouldn’t have considered the option, and that’s just fine for them. HOWEVER. You have to do what’s best for YOU, first and foremost – no one else is going to do it, nor is anyone else going to have to walk in your shoes after the fact – then what would have been best for the baby and the rest of your family.
NO. ONE. has the right to judge you. No one. And anyone who does likely isn’t worth a lot of your time or energy.
I’m glad to hear that things are progressing well and that you’re both okay, and that you felt able to stand up and speak your truth. <3
I am not a right to lifer. I believe you need to make a choice that is in the best interest of ALL parties wthout influence from fringe pressures. I am glad you had that option and also glad you didn’t have to use it. Unlike some pregnancies that are NOT wanted, you want this and have proven you and Unknown Papi are loving caring parents. I am happy for you and your sense of relief.
I echo all of the above commentors words.
And I am so happy for you and your husband that the awful possibility of having a termination is no longer and issue.
ONWARD….
…it’s just that sometimes some things are so heart-breakingly personal that they are not open for public scrutiny.
you didn’t have to share this, but i’m glad you did, sugar. it’s too easy for some people to judge or assume they know what a woman is facing/feeling when dealing with the possibility of terminating a pregnancy. you dealt with the possibility in the way that was best for all of you. i’m just happy that you’re both doing well. xoxox
THANK YOU FOR sharing your truth with us. I am happy that things are looking better 😉
When I needed comfort you were there to give me and I am happy to offer a little bit of comfort when I can.
A BIG HUG!
I’m so glad that things have worked out positively for your and your little one – I can’t imagine having to be in your position, but I do understand the very real fears and hard decisions that sometimes need to be made. I am keeping you and your peanut in my thoughts as you continue through your pregnancy!
You are just a beautiful person…beautiful. I am happy to hear your worries are less and your baby girl is doing wonderfully.
This is YOUR story.
We are merely the lucky ones who get to read tiny little segments of it. Thank YOU for that.
Thinking of you with smiles!! (and a few tears since we’re being so honest and all)
When I was pregnant with Kendall, we had an ultrasound that presented the possibility that she had one of the Trisomy things. Mr.4444 was all about finding out for sure, in case we wanted to end the pregnancy. I had already felt her kicking inside me; there was no way I was going to end it at that point–regardless of what she had or did not have. We declined the amnio due to the greater risk, and obviously, the rest is history. For what it’s worth, I don’t think anyone thinks they would be strong enough to withstand losing an infant like that. Still, it is your decision, and I respect it. I’m glad things are going better than you feared.
No judgment here. I’m so glad that you don’t have to face that decision anymore. I hope and pray for the continued health and well being of your baby.
xoxo
I found reading this post heart breaking. What an awful position to have been in and I really believe that you’d not have have taken a decision about termination lightly. Am so happy that this is now not something you have to think about and I hope the rest of your pregnacy goes well. I also hope it has helped sharing this with everyone x x
I would have made the same decision as you if it came to be they child wouldn’t have survived. No judgment here.
I think That was super heavy to share,.. I think no matter what anyone else thinks they really cannot pose on what they would do unless those shoes filled by you were filled by them as well,.. I have faith in faith. I believe in the power and love of God and our universe. stay positive,..Maybe some visualiztion would also help. if fact I wouldnever underestimate the power of a mother’s heart and mind. you know you have the power inside of yourself,.. now you just must embrace it, own it, and love yourself
I don’t remember seeing anything in the Blogger Rulebook that says it’s selfish to withhold information from a blog. And as far as people who are judgmental, that’s THEIR problem; YOU have a 100% choice when it comes to any decision involving you, your body, and your family.
I’m glad you got that out, it sounds like you needed to. Although I would likely never make that choice I am not to judge. Do I really know how I would handle it if I were faced with the same issues? I can say that I just couldn’t but what about my husband, my other children… I honestly just don’t know. I believe that my role here on Earth is to love people, accept people for who they are and the choices they make with the circumstances they are given. I am not your judge & jury and I truely believe no one else should be either. Congratulations my friend on the wonderful news. I hope & pray that all continues to improve & flourish and that you arrive in the end with a healthy happy little one.
Mami,
Yes, somethings are so personal that they do not need to be shared. I for one would have supported you and your decision whatever it would be. I am so happy for the four of you that things are looking up! My niece, now 9 years old was born with a “leaking” kidney. It was found in-utero and she had surgery when she was just one year old. An additional surgery followed two years ago – and you know what? She is happy, healthy and perfect – Blessings my friend.
TGC
It might have been unsaid but it was not unthought of, in fact it was a possibility that wrenched at my heart when you first told us what was happening. I have a family member who had to make that decision, it’s hard and I’m so glad you’re not facing that.
I keep thinking that the little kidney is there. Working hard to be seen…just hiding behind a pocket of fat or something. That’s why the baby is kicking and moving around so much. Fat sucks up water which is why your amniotic fluid is low. I’m not a doctor nor do I play one on the internet. I don’t even know what I’m doing or saying half the time. Just lots and lots of prayers for you and baby Put Pie
I keep thinking that the little kidney is there. Working hard to be seen…just hiding behind a pocket of fat or something. That’s why the baby is kicking and moving around so much. Fat sucks up water which is why your amniotic fluid is low. I’m not a doctor nor do I play one on the internet. I don’t even know what I’m doing or saying half the time. Just lots and lots of prayers for you and baby Put Pie
I support a woman’s right to make decisions such as you face/faced and, as an RN for 45 years and as a woman, I totally empathise with all you must have been going through at a time when life should be nothing but joyful. I am so happy that the outlook seems to be positive but, whatever, dear one, I offer my love and support in any way that I might be of help. You know I am close by in Daly City so, truly, just let me know if there is any way you need me.
This is such a controversial subject. The fact that it is such a personal decision can make the subject even harder. I have always said to each their own, but it’s not something I would do. However, I’ve never been in the situation where termination would be a possibility. I won’t deny that the thought wouldn’t cross my mind. You need to do what’s best for you and your family.
Again, I am so glad that things are going well and I hope it continues.
I’m so glad that you didn’t have to make that decision. We were confronted with that twice (first when I started out with triplets and later when they thought baby A wasn’t thriving), but I am so grateful we were able to avoid having to make those decisions. I remember feeling hopeless and bleak just having to contemplate it.
Hugs to you and for your on-the-low-end-of-normal amniotic fluid. Let this be the end of pregnancy difficulty for you!
Mami ~ You are one of my favorite friends I have never met. There is nothing that will change that. I am thankful for working kidneys and happy hearts.
Speaking openly and honestly feels pretty darn good, doesn’t it? For me, I have been hoping and praying along with you that the baby growing inside you would be healthy enough to go full term and live a healthy life. The news continues to improve.
1. I respect your right to keep that private.
2. I would have respected your choice, either way.
3. I love you and I’m so happy that things are looking better.
You would have had my support no matter what decision you made, because those kind of decisions are yours, and only yours, to make.
My friend, no one can have an opinion on an issue like that unless it is their life.Well I suppose they can, but really, if it isn’t their baby does that opinion matter? I support you always, and I’m sorry that you have had to face such horrible things at a time that should be only joy.
I am so happy things have turned around, and I continue to send hope and good thoughts your way.
I ♥ you.
I think that is very personal, and if you weren’t comfortable sharing it, that was perfectly allright. I do know there are some VERY strong minded people out there who might have tried to sway your opinion, not that you’d have changed it but the pressure of those people trying so hard to make you go one way and not the other… would have been too hard on me if I was in your shoes. You keeping it to yourself ensured that you would do what was right for YOU and your family, not for the population in general. I actually applaud you. You are definitely a tower of strength, and admitting your weaknesses is only part of that strength.
I am of strong opinion myself… that it is the mother’s choice. I can understand both sides of this controversy, which is why I completely believe in pro-choice. Only YOU know every detail. The population doesn’t. Those that are anti have their reasons, those that are all for it have their reasons. Not every case is the same because the environment, social, education, religion, whatever is not the same across the board.
I can only imagine… having passed this point in time… when it is no longer an option is really really really liberating. I am so proud of you, Mami, for doing what you felt was right. I wish I could give you a great big hug right now!
I don’t even know you but I heart you. And it doesn’t matter to me what you decided you rock !
Seriously, I think you are my official cheerleader. Thank you.
I’m so happy for you. There’s so much bad news out there. I look forward to all your posts to hear the updates. She’s a miracle baby! You’ll have to remember that when she’s 13!
I know you have a really soft heart, girl, and I’m telling you: It would have hurt your JUST as bad to abort…I know you want this lil one. I’m glad you stuck it out because you are going to have a beautiful baby, friend.
Mami, I am glad this day has come for you. May you rest easier now. I am all about pro choice, I have never had to make the decision and can not imagine having to. Do not worry about anyone judging you, they have no right, and I agree with Chibi that they would not be worth your energy. Sit back and I will keep you in my thoughts. hugs my friend. I am so proud of your honesty. There are more woman out there that have had to ponder the same thing and alot would never admit it.take care.
The decisions we have to make in our lives are ours. No one else can make those decisions for you, therefore NO ONE can be in your shoes. You will do what is right for you and your family. For anyone to judge you for contemplating the future, weighing your options or piecing together what is in your heart…well, that would make them unworthy of your time. You are a brave, strong woman. Sharing what you have has made us all look into our own hearts.
No one should have to make that decision and no one should judge it regardless of what political position they happen to be. I always thought that I could never do something like that but I never even comprehended a problem like you presented. I’m not so sure I would have chosen to go thru with a pregnancy only to have the baby die – would they suffer? OMG – I am so happy for you and for kidneys everywhere – LOL. You were probably right not to share as some people are simply incapable of seeing beyond their own viewpoints. Congrats!!!
You are giving me goosebumps reading this. I completely understand. And honestly, it isn’t just about you? The pain that an infant would go through with no solution available… that to me is wrong on many levels, as well. I get it. And I’m SO glad that there are improvements. I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!
I support you 100% and without controvery. It doesn’t matter whether that is what I or anyone else for matter, would do or not. I am really thankful that you have gotten good news and that the weight of this is lessening. I do not walk in your shoes, which gives me no right to judge.
I, like you, don’t want to surround myself with only people that agree or believe exactly like me. Life would be boring if we all were from the same mold. XX
Mami, you will remain in my prayers. I’m sorry that you had to even think about a decision like that. I’m sorry especially that you had to do it without the full support of all of us behind you. I hope you know how loved you are and how happy I truly am to hear that your baby is healthy enough that the “option” is no longer in the back of your mind. 🙂
You are so very brave and honest to post this. Most people in your situation, knowing as you do now that your unborn baby is going to have at least one fully functioning kidney, would not have made such a declaration. In the situation you were facing, where, if it was proven that the baby had no kidneys, I would absolutely opt for a termination. The baby would not have survived birth by more than a few hours. I could not carry an unborn baby, feel it kicking and moving for all those weeks knowing that there would be no child at the end of it all. So I totally understand why you were thinking as you were. But most of all I so very happy to hear that the news once again was good and that things continue to improve.
Oh Mami, I’m so sorry you had to hold that in but I can understand why you would want to. I would never, ever judge you or any other woman’s choice. I really have no words other than my prayers are with you and your baby girl and that things will continue to move forward positively one little baby step at a time. We love you Unknown Mami, we really do. – G
Oh, honey. I’m so glad that you recognize how loved you are. it’s a heartbreaking choice, and I’m so glad there is a happier ending in your case. More importantly, I’m glad you shed light on the fact that this stuff is very, very complicated, and personal.
I agree that some things are just too personal for this arena. No one can judge another unless they have walked a mile in their shoes. Your decision over your life is yours and your friends will support you,no matter what.
Having said that, I’m so glad the news is still positive.
I’m so thankful for your sweet little girl – that things are progressing positively. I continue to pray for you and and her!
{Hugs}
I bet it feels good to get that out actually. I love you.
I’m with Mimbles…. “It might have been unsaid but it was not unthought of, in fact it was a possibility that wrenched at my heart when you first told us what was happening.” I’m glad things are working out for you. Still sending love and prayers and 100% support to you. xoxo jj
When you first told us about the potential problems with the pregnancy, this was in the back of my mind. I think I told you before, that 7 years ago my oldest daughter and her husband faced a similar decision. So I know firsthand the feelings that are involved. I’m happy for you and your husband that you continue to have positive news.
By the way…..husband comes home and finds his wife standing there in a sexy teddy. She purrs at him and says, “tie me up and you can do whatever you want”. So the husband ties her up, and goes golfing.
As others have said, I think we knew this must have been on your mind and I understand completely why you have not shared absolutely everything here. I’m just so pleased to hear every bit of good news and continue to send positive thoughts and wishes your way. x
I was faced with the same decision and not even because there was something wrong. Just due to the situation. SO I understand your confusion and hope. And I am so glad that you don’t have to make it now that the baby has a kidney! Yay for kidneys!
Hi there UM,
I’ve come back for all the excitement. First, congratulations on your second child. Doctors sometimes have a way of scaring us half to death and they make mistakes….The reason you did not hear from me was that all my links were down. It took a few months to figure out the problem…so now I can come harass you again LOL So when is this baby due?
how tough to have been sitting with that choice. I would have supported you no matter what choice you had made…..honestly.
Bes wishes to you and I hope your news gets better and better as you go through your pregnancy
I’d never judge you for terminating, had you decided to. Women who go through a full term pregnancy only to know the baby will surely die are stronger people than I will ever be. I’m so happy that you will not be going through that.
Continuing best thoughts for you and your wee one. I don’t know how I’d make that decision either. I’m so happy that all has improved.
Most are here not to judge but to support. It’s ultimately your life and yours to live. My continued prayers for you and your little girl. Have a wonderful weekend, hope puttin pie gets lots of candy.
I had a friend who carried a baby to full-term that she KNEW had died long ago in her womb. I wept and wept and wept when I learned about it…she and her family took pictures with the bump and pictures with the baby after it was born- so they would never forget the baby. It was SO sad. Like you, I have NO idea if I could have done that. It takes a very strong person to be at peace with something like that.
Still praying for you every day. Be stong!
I think you are amazingly brave to have gone for total disclosure, sharing your most private thoughts and problems via your blog. Hopefully things will now feel a little less stressful with this huge milestone behind you, my thoughts remain with you. Take Care x
Nope, no judgement here. It is a totally personal choice and no one should make it for you! So glad that things are improving! And you got this out in the open, you must be floating on air!! 🙂
just to think of the anguish you have been going through.
I am so relieved that you are able to walk much lighter. You are you , no explanation.
Wow. That’s a tough decision to have to make. I’m glad that things went well and that one of the kidneys is working. I’m sure that takes a load off of your shoulders as well.
It is extraordinary to sit here and read how very supportive people are, and how much you are loved! I waivered back and forth during my pregnancies. My first was born when I was 31 and the last when I was 40. I had amnios with all of them. First, to find out how much research I would have to do in order to raise a child with disabilities, and second to know whether to buy pink or blue. God blessed me with four healthy and beautiful babies. You are so strong, courageous and incredibly bright. You will be the best mommy to both of your angels. And, you will have a gazillion friends at your fingertips who will be there for you!
hugs to you, whatever you would have had to decide, you would have had to make the best decision for you and your family; I have no right to judge or condemn since I haven’t walked in your shoes. All I can do is what I know is best and that is pray and let God guide and lead because I know he knows what is best
betty
Thanks for trusting us with your truth. You must do what is best for you and your husband. Hugs to you both.
I am SO glad that your sweet baby is doing better. As you know, I do believe in the power of prayer, and I am thankful that you have been able to stay strong through all of this. 🙂
Thank you for being so honest. You’re so brave!!
You didn’t have to share this…but I’m glad you did.
I SUPPORT you 100%.
I’m sooo happy that things have worked positively for you and your little one.
You’re just an awesome person!
Have a great weekend!
Warm hugs!
B xx
X
I am really impressed that you shared with us like this, Unknown Mami. And I completely sympathize with your struggle. It is very painful to envision giving birth to a child who could have serious health problems. And I agree with you, while I have my own religious, political, etc. beliefs, I have no room in my heart for judging others. Have you read Ayelet Waldman’s book, Bad Mother? The essay, Rocketship, might be a good read for you. She is an amazing writer and the way she tells her story is very brave and beautiful the way you continue to do every day on your blog. I think you are an amazing, sensitive, loving person. And I adore the way you share every part of yourself with us here on your blog. Thank you for being an inspiration to me and many others. On a personal note, I am glad that your baby has one functioning kidney, but very very sad that there is trouble with the other. I will continue to pray for health for your sweet baby girl. I love you and your whole family so much. xoxoxooxox.
My dear, sweet, beautiful friend. You are human and I have never walked your path (or truth) so I will NEVER have judgment for you. You have faced down a challenge and pain that I have never known and frankly hope to never know. No one could ever doubt how much thought, angst, and prayer went into your decisions and I will only say that I am glad that it seems that you are moving towards the light at the end of a VERY dark tunnel.
You are brave to share so much of yourself. You owe us nothing. I thank you, however, for your honesty. And deep humanity! I love you, friend.
Oh Mami….always will be supported from my neck of the islands!!! Always. xoxo
Sometimes I think it’s a curse to be able to see so much before a baby is born – it has the possibility to bring so many extra worries into an already worrisome time of life. Medical advances have given us so much, so it’s not a curse, but you know what I mean. My heart goes out to you and has ever since you told us, your blogging friends, about the baby. You made me think about what I would do in this situation and ending the pregnancy came up in my mind as well as other scenarios. I’m so very grateful that you have some relief from that worry and I hope and pray that your newest little one continues to thrive 🙂
{{{{hugs}}}} Please don’t feel guilty at all for not sharing some parts of your life, yourself, on your blog. We do not own you. You do not owe us. As bloggers, we have to remember this.
I think you are very brave. {Mami}
Thank you for having the guts to post this. Not everyone would have. I am totally pro-choice, especially in this type of situation. If I had a baby growing in my that I knew was going to have 0% chance of survivial, I don’t think I could handle carrying it to term just to watch it die. I’m glad that you didn’t have to make that choice. I’m still praying for a healthy pregnancy for you!
I’m catching up on posts..so a little late with this one…but….
Mami, I think you’re stronger than you think you are and you are able to deal with more than you give yourself credit for. Different desicions always way on our minds when faced with certain circumstances. And I’m so happy that things are looking up with your pregnancy. You hang in there and know that your friends are thinking of you and sending you hugs!
Thank you for your honestly. I do not believe in abortion but I do believe in a woman’s right to choose. It’s personal between them and God. I do however have issues with these woman who just fool around, get pregnant numerous times and continue to end the pregnancy.