Hey, all! Wazup, wazzzup?! Normally, Claudya AKA Unknown Mami (why would anyone want to call themselves that?) is the only one who writes on this here blog, but today I am flexing my mighty powers and taking over.
Who am I? Oh you can call MC Pain (that’s my rapper name), which stands for Menstrual Cramp Pain. You don’t even want to know what Claudya calls me. Sure you might think she’s funny and nice, but I get to see the “real” her, the one that calls me names that are anything but nice, things that rhyme with twitch, runt and silent p plus uta (nothing really rhymes with that, but if you know curse words in Spanish you know what I’m talking about).
I’m not even going to get on her case about how those curse words make her come off as less than a feminist (and she thinks everyone should embrace that label) because really they are all so gender-specific. Sexist much? She could call me something that rhymes with rock, pick or wenis, but no—she insists on using words that have been historically used to malign women. I don’t even know what to do with her at this point. Such a hypocrite.
Also, can we just talk about how rude she is to me every month? Every month I show up around the same time, I’m expected and just here doin’ what I do and she acts like I’m the most unwelcome guest in the world. I know I cause her discomfort, but put your period chonies on and deal with it you big baby! If this is any sign of how she treats other guests no wonder she has so few visitors. Am I right?
ALSO READ: I Gave Up Soda For Weeks and All I Got Was My Stupid Period
She goes on and on about how happy she’d be to never have MC Pain around (yes, I talk about myself in the third person sometimes), but when I’m gone my replacement, Hot Flashes, is gonna show up and what do you want to bet that she’s going to be just as horrible of a host to that guest?
Anyhoo, I just thought I’d give you a heads up as to why she’s in some kind of a mood. No, it’s not you, it’s totally me. She can’t handle when MC Pain is in da house so she is going to take it out on you or anyone who has the audacity to cross her path.
You have been warned: Save yourself!
Image via Unsplash
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