Dandelion Bouquet for My Dead

My heart has been breaking lately. Or maybe breaking is not the right word. It feels more like my chest is wide open and my heart is exposed and cracked. As if that were not enough the skies are raining lime and salt onto my poor exposed, cracked heart and it hurts so much. It’s like my heartbeat has been replaced by a stinging burn.

I’m hurting because people that I have loved since childhood keep dying and yes, I know that death is a part of life and completely natural, but if feels so freakin’ unnatural. It feels so wrong.

And you know what else feels wrong? It feels wrong to talk about the way I feel about these people who have died in the past tense. How can I say I “loved” someone in the past tense when I still love them in the present? They might not be physically here anymore, but my love for them is.

So to all my tías, tíos, primas, primos and chosen familia who are no longer here physically:

I love you so much it hurts.

That’s the price I have to pay for having been blessed with your presence in my life. I thank you so much for all the memories and all the forgotten moments that nonetheless left an impression on my being. I will always love you and I wish you well wherever your essence may be. From now on whenever I blow on a dandelion, my wishes will be kisses that I trust will find their way to you. I love you, I love you, I love you, now and always.