Querido Papa,
Dear Dad,
Father,
Sir,
Hi remember me, your daughter? I’m sure you’re surprised to be getting this letter from me and frankly I’m surprised I’m writing it. How long has it been?
The last time I saw you was in San Francisco, years ago. It’s strange, I know I’ve seen you as a grown woman, but those experiences have been so emotionally charged and upsetting that for the most part I just block them out.
I do have some pleasant memories of you from childhood. I remember you tucking me in once and every time I eat spaghetti I think of how you taught me to twirl it with a fork and spoon (funny, it just occurred to me that I avoid eating spaghetti, I prefer every other pasta- hmmm).
My favorite memory is when you to took me to the Capulina circus in Tijuana and afterwards you put me on your shoulders and took me to Capulina’s trailer to meet him. And remember how you bought me a toy clown? I kept that clown for years until I got mad at you (more like the thought of you) and ripped it apart.
Your brother and sister keep in touch with me. They used to talk about you until I told them to stop or I wouldn’t see them anymore. It’s nice that they try to be in my life (even though I’ve tried everything to push them away); they share my last name, but they feel like strangers. Not as strange as you, but strangers none the less.
I thought you might want to know some things about me, what I’m like. I’m kinda smart; I graduated Summa Cum Laude. Oh and I paid for college myself; so, I guess you could say I’m hard working and resourceful. I’m funny, although you can’t tell from this letter. I love acting; it’s my passion and has been since I was 14.
I guess the reason I’m writing is because I have a daughter. She’s beautiful and makes me so happy to be alive. Oh no, I think I’m going to cry. Damn.
Give me a minute.
OK.
You see when I was growing up I was convinced that your absence did not affect me. My mother did a great job and I didn’t know you enough to miss you. Now that I have a daughter and I see how wonderful her father is with her, how much he loves her, how he adores being with her, my heart aches for all that I missed with you, for all that you missed with me.
Well, that’s it. I don’t know what else to say. I hope you are well and wonder if you think about me.
Sincerely,
Unknown Daughter “a.k.a.” Unknown Mami
Oh, this made me sad. He doesn't know what he is missing! You are funny and wonderful and smart : ). And your baby is adorable. I am sorry for his loss.
You sound like a wonderful person. His loss.Visiting from MamaKats.
That was beautiful and brave. Your daughter is a lucky girl to have you.
I agree with Maureen! I don't need tears before lunch!!It was very beautifully written and I could feel the pain in it but also the pride in your current self.Congrats on all that you've accomplished and who you've become.I'm glad you stopped by my blog and enabled me in my addiction :o)Happy Thursday!
Now, I don't need to be sniffling this early in the morning! While there have been times in my life that I wished I didn't have the father that was gifted me, the two things I will always give my Dad credit for is he is always there and always loves me more than I think he ever knew he could love something. I think he is a perfect example of loving so much that it hurts. Not because he gushes, but because he wasn't given the "tools" to express it.
Thanks for visiting my blog. Thank you for sharing your letter. Your daughter and husband are very blessed to have you in their lives. Take care.-Kiki
Is it bad to say that it was beautiful? I say that only because you clearly opened yourself up and didn't hold anything back. I think it's good to let out your frustrations! Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier and offering such valuable words! 🙂 I loved the letter writing topic this week!
I'm glad you wrote that letter. I bet there's a lot of children that could sign their name to the bottom of it. No child should have to feel deserted by a parent and I'm glad yours has two that love her! Here from Mama Kat!
This was sad, but also a beautiful letter. You are someone whose father should be very proud of!Visiting from Mama Kat's.
I could write this very same letter. I hate to say that I know how you feel, but I do. Everyday. Big love to your blog. I think this was a great post.
His loss. Absolutely.
Dear Unknown Mami, we might be related.
First of all, I love your picture! It's great.I too, had an absent father. It was painful, I was angry and I didn't understand. I hated him. Could barely stand to think of him. Then one day I decided to put it behind me and then he had a stroke…could no longer talk, could no longer tell me why he left, why he didn't love me enough (or at all). But I did forgive him and actually felt love for him. It amazes me to this day. When he died, I cried like a two year old. Not because I would miss him but because I missed a childhood with a loving father. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Hopefully someday you can find some peace in the situation. Hugs to you!
This was so heart-breaking and so true. I feel for you … sounds like your mom did a great job but I'm sure it was hard not to have a dad around. I like how you opened the letter … very appropriate, I think. This was well done. Bless you and may your daughter never know the absence of her father.
You're so right. Having kids really puts things into perspective…we see just how hard some of our parents work and just how hard the others had to work at not being there. I can't even imagine. I wish I could turn back time and give you a normal dad…but then you probably wouldn't be you anymore.
This moves me in a different way – I was raised with my Dad so I don't see myself in this letter, but I do see my son writing this letter one day — and in a way, that hurts me even more. …sad sigh…
Gut wrenching. Only because I can relate. My dad is back in my life after decades of absense. We're friends, now, but it's been a long road.