By Claudya

Funny San Francisco Latina Blogger

Fragmented Fridays

My husband is taking a ceramics class and I told him he should make an incense holder shaped like poo for the bathroom. He thought it was hilarious, but is too embarrassed too make poo in front of his classmates.

At the park playground I overheard something that really bothered me. There was a group of three teenage girls and one of the girls said to the others:

I’m not attracted to black guys, so I would have no way of knowing if he was good looking or not.

Really?!,You can’t recognize beauty in an entire group of people. Who are you? John Mayer’s penis…

“My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”-John Mayer

Hearing that girl say that really made me want to cry. I know she’s young and dumb and will hopefully grown out of it, but sometimes I just feel so exasperated. My husband is black, my daughter is part black. It would bother me to hear someone make  that comment about any group of people. I would not want to hear, “I’m not attracted to Asians, Latinos, Native Americans, Caucasians, garbage men, exterminators, IRS employees, you name it.” I guess I have always been an equal opportunity lover.

My husband does not speak Spanish, but he knows a few words here and there that manage to get him into trouble. Once we had a group of children over, I’d tell you who they were, but my extended family is so large, I’m not exactly sure who they were. They were hanging out in the kitchen with my husband playing UNO and I was in the living room with the “grown ups” until I heard the kids laughing hysterically. I went to the kitchen to see what was so funny and my husband had a confused look on his face and the kids were obviously laughing at him.

When I asked what happened I was told that the kids wanted to know how my husband was so good at UNO.  I turned to look at my husband and asked, “What did you say?” He looked at me sheepishly and said (while pointing at his head), “I told them I use my nalga.” We all started laughing at him again. Nalga means ass cheek.

Another time we were driving and a chubby Latino man decided to jay walk on a very busy street right in front of us and he was taking he sweet time. My husband rolled down the window and yelled, “Move it Guapo!” I almost choked on my laughter. My husband realized he must not have said what he meant to say and looked embarrassed. He was even more embarrassed when I explained his error. What he meant to say was, “Move it Gordo”, which means chubby/fat, what he said translates to, “Move it, Handsome!” I still laugh every time I remember.

Guess what? My bloggy life crossed over into my real life! This week I had the pleasure of speaking to two wonderful bloggers on the phone. The first was the lovely Mrs. 4444 and the second was The Green-Eyed Momster! These ladies are awesome and it was a treat to hear what they sound like. Neither one of them sounded at all like my brain had imagined. They both give great phone-voice, in case you were wondering. I’m sure I sounded different to them too. Mrs. 4444 thought I would have an accent, I don’t unless you count former “valley girlisms” as an accent. It’s a trip how our imaginations work. I guess I created my preconceptions of what they would sound like based on pictures I’ve seen of them and their writing styles. They’ve only ever seen me with a paper bag over my head. I wonder if they thought I would sound muffled and crinkly because of the paper bag?

And that’s all she wrote!

Have a great weekend!
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