My mother is gone! She was here for over a month. I love her, but I am so happy to have my home back. The thing is my mother is extremely high maintenance. I didn’t realize until she was gone that I hadn’t really had a moment to myself the whole time she was here. And now I have moments, glorious moments all to myself.
I’m going to let myself vent a bit. One of the things that really bothers me about my mother is how critical she can be of appearances. I am not that way and I do not enjoy picking people apart or looking for physical flaws. We can be anywhere and she’ll just start in on the people around her. For example, we saw a man crossing the street and :
Mom: She (she means he) looks like a perico (parrot). Don dyou think she look like a perico?
Me: No Ama, I do not think he looks like a perico.
Mom: Pues, dyou are bline because she look djust like a perico.
Ugh! She will find fault where there is no fault to be found. We were watching TV once and a woman come on who was quite simply stunning, not a damn thing wrong with her, but I’m waiting because I know my mother.
Mom: She iz pretty, but she have de ugliest elbo I ever see.
Me: Trust me mom, no one is looking at her elbows.
Mom: Oh, but gwhen dey do, dey going to see how ugly eat iz.
Today, I was changing my daughter’s diaper and a big piece of turd fell on my bare foot. I hope that never happens to me again.
I’ve been very worried about money and work. I lost one of my jobs and the contract for another one of my jobs is about to expire at the end of this month. I was considering applying for a job I really don’t want because we need the money. A couple of days ago, I was told that if I’m interested the contract for the job I do from home can be extended. I’m interested!
I really hate it when my husband acts like I’m a ditz because I’m not. I’m actually pretty together. Sure, since having a kid I’ve had my moments, but sleep deprivation will do that to you.
This week my husband told me that our daughter had a doctor’s appointment. Usually, I schedule them, but he wanted to be there for this one so he rescheduled it. Anyway, Put Pie had a really rough night and we were all going on very little sleep. We manage to get to the doctor’s appointment on time in the morning only to find out that the actual appointment is next week. My husband insists that can’t be right because he would never make that kind of mistake, but our doctor isn’t even in that morning.
I was pretty nice about it, but I did point out that if I had made the same mistake he would have given me so much grief and implied that I was suffering from Mommy Brain. He still insisted that it was not his mistake and that when we got home he would show me the piece of paper where he wrote down the appointment. We got home and sure enough he had written down that the appointment is for next week. Mommy Brain my ass! Daddy’s got mush for brains too.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Frau
said…
Your Mom sounds like my Mom but without an accent! I just spent 5 weeks
with mine thought I’d slit my own throat afterwards…love her though!
Have a wonderful weekend! See ya Sunday!
September 18, 2009 1:31 AM
La Belle Mere UK
said…
Oh my god, I’m not sure I could handle my mother living with me for all
that time!!! (Oh, and the way your wrote her accent was fab!!! Really
brought her to life.)Ewww…. the poo on the foot thing. I really hope that doesn’t happen to you again to.LBM xxx
September 18, 2009 2:23 AM
DysFUNctional Mom
said…
Your mom cracks me up! I know that’s because I don’t have to live with her though!What is it with you and turds?
September 18, 2009 3:28 AM
4 Lettre Words
said…
I soooo love your mom-dialogue. It’s like I can hear her!
September 18, 2009 4:20 AM
Sara Elizabeth Bonds
said…
Ok. Great FF, as always. I have to touch on this one thing, though.”She iz pretty, but she have de ugliest elbo I ever see.”Ok.
That LITERALLY made me spit water everywhere. You CANNOT be that funny
all of the time. You make me pee my pants. I love the convos between you
and your mom. So hilarious.
September 18, 2009 4:29 AM
angelcel
said…
Your Mum sounds very funny …but then I can appreciate that if I lived
with her for a month and she was my Mum then I may well be tearing my
hair out. (Why is it that our own family drives us nuts, but if they’re
someone else’s they’re OK)?
September 18, 2009 5:07 AM
angelcel
said…
Your Mum sounds very funny …but then I can appreciate that if I lived
with her for a month and she was my Mum then I may well be tearing my
hair out. (Why is it that our own family drives us nuts, but if they’re
someone else’s they’re OK)?
September 18, 2009 5:08 AM
Tammy Howard
said…
I have ugly elbows. I always thought I was getting away with it. Sheet.
September 18, 2009 5:26 AM
Real World Mom
said…
Glad that you have some time for you now!Funny story about your husband; glad you pointed it out to him! ;-)Happy weekend!
September 18, 2009 5:26 AM
The Good Cook
said…
You are a saint. I’m pretty sure if my mom spent a month with me one of us would be dead. My
mom also is highly critical of EVERYONE. She does the same thing, only
she’ll not so slyly poke you in the ribs and whisper (loudly) look at
that woman… she’s so fat or so skinny or so whatever… it drives me
crazy…
September 18, 2009 5:36 AM
Heather
said…
The turd thing is so yucky!Congrats on your mom coming, and more importantly, your mom going home! I’d die if I had to spend a month with mine!Happy Friday!Heatherwww.singingwithmyheart.com
September 18, 2009 5:40 AM
brainella
said…
I have that same problem with my husband. We have a calendar for all
appointments and events and he NEVER puts anything on there. Quiet moments alone are a commodity in this place. Hell, going to the bathroom by myself is sheer heaven. :)Happy Friday!
September 18, 2009 5:43 AM
won
said…
Wowza….I read the first four words in your post, and my heart sunk. I am glad I had “heard” them wrong. Oh my….
September 18, 2009 5:56 AM
Sassy Chica
said…
I have said this before and I will say it again, if I didnt know any
better, I would swear you are family. Your mom sounds like my
aunt…love her to pieces, but the woman is ridiculous when it comes
observing others! I enjoy reading posts about your mother, you have a
great way of capturing her dialog. Great post!Smooches,Sassy Chcia
September 18, 2009 6:01 AM
latinmomof4punks
said…
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”I Luv Your Mom”. (*In writting of course*. Ha!)Congrats on surviving your Madres visit! :0)LatinDadof4Punks also has “Mush” for brains, but he is in denial. LOL!!~Amor, Familia Y Cultura~ Betty
September 18, 2009 6:02 AM
Caution Flag
said…
I think I know your mom: she raised me, too!! Someday, our daughters will be writing about us. What will they say??
September 18, 2009 6:21 AM
Melinda Arnold
said…
lol, Moms and poop….who would have thought it could be blogged!! lol
September 18, 2009 6:41 AM
Ms. Wanda
said…
OMG!!! Your mom is the best;) I love it when she said, “She iz pretty, but she have de ugliest elbo I ever see.” I am still LMBO (trying to limit my cussin, I have replaced A for B:)I know that Seinfeld Episode when Georgie dug into the garbage can for the Chocolate Eclair, too funny! I’m going to try and be a better blogger:) I may give Fragmented Friday’s a try! Have a great weekend:)xoxoxoxMs. Wanda
September 18, 2009 6:43 AM
Kathy B!
said…
ACK! Poop on the foot is not okay!
September 18, 2009 7:07 AM
Nezzy
said…
If someone is going to find fault, their gonna look till they find it.
Hence…ELBOW??? Really, I can’t say I’ve every looked at an elbow and
said, “well, that person has the most lovely elbows I’ve ever seen in my
life,” or “ewwwww nasty elbows!”Your story made me laugh. Hon, you have yourself a wonderful weekend and God Bless!!!
September 18, 2009 7:08 AM
Smoochiefrog
said…
I’ve had the same thing happen with both the diaper changing and the appointment! I can so relate!
September 18, 2009 7:16 AM
Steven Anthony
said…
your mom sounds cool….funny;) give it a week and you will be wanting her back..ok maybe a month, lol
September 18, 2009 7:24 AM
Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)
said…
Your mom is hilarious – but I bet you’re glad to have your house back… And now I’m going to be noticing elbows all day. ;)Poop on the foot…not fun! I don’t miss those days… ;)Hopefully you’ll get your job situation sorted out…((HUGZ!!))HAHAHA!
My hubby will sometimes talk to me like I’m a child when he thinks he
has to explain something to me that he doesn’t. Annoys me to no end.
But he’s done stuff like your hubby did with the appt. – which can
certainly make my day! ;)Happy FF! 🙂
September 18, 2009 7:28 AM
Peterson Family
said…
Crap, now I need to go check out my elbos. What’s the point of having this great rack if my elbos are ugly????
September 18, 2009 8:01 AM
Yelena R.
said…
Ok, I really think your mom and my mom are the same person…different
nationalities. I love my mom and everything, but she always criticizes
people’s appearances!
September 18, 2009 8:33 AM
Aunt of 14
said…
WHY do moms always have to criticize appearances like that I mean is it
the generation? Its somewhat funny but also somewhat not. I loved the
way you translated what she said, heehee made me crack up!
September 18, 2009 8:46 AM
Mary Ellen
said…
I loved your mom’s conversation – she sounds like a hoot (but that may be because I don’t have to live with her!)I know how it feels to have your space back. Enjoy!I’m glad you have some ammo for next time you get called forgetful!
September 18, 2009 8:48 AM
Single Mama NYC
said…
Oooh, niiiice that the appointment was written wrong. Mommy Brain gets
all the blame, good that Daddy Brain took a hit too this week. :-)Someone
asked me how to say a word in French yesterday in front of Theo’s
father and I didn’t reply because I couldn’t remember. He says to her,
“She doesn’t remember. If she remembered she would’ve said what it was
to show off”. I speak 3 languages fluently, a$$hole, and you can barely
speak English properly. Shut your piehole! Uhhhm, sorry, just a quick vent there gone awry.;-)
September 18, 2009 8:52 AM
Charlotte
said…
I love being right when husband is wrong, it feels really good. BTW
some shit for brains left an evil comment on my blog after your post!
The coward left it anonymously and I told him (I guess it could be a
her) to go fuck themselves. How’s that for builing a blogging
communiity?This person totally struck a nerve in me!
September 18, 2009 10:08 AM
Kara @ His, Hers and Ours
said…
And this is why I am so very thankful that my mom lives close enough to
visit for the day, then drive back home…in the same day. I don’t think
I would be alive at the end of a month with her. Your mom is funny
though. Elbow? Really? Never had a turd on my foot, but I’ve stuck my finger in it way to many times that I care to count. Yuck. I’d
mark it down on the calendar that hubby was wrong, since it seems to be
his first (and I’m sure) last time. [insert sarcasm] Happy weekend!
September 18, 2009 11:36 AM
confused homemaker
said…
*hugs* I know the money/job stuff is REALLY stressful, I have been
feeling it too. Try to relax (I know easier said than done). And when
necessary feel free to vent!
September 18, 2009 11:56 AM
MrsSki
said…
I hope a turd never falls on your foot again too. Yuck!I swear
if I did the stupid stuff my dh does sometimes he would never let me
forget it. Yet, I get in trouble for mentioning his stupid act ONCE!
Men, geesh!
September 18, 2009 12:20 PM
Evansmom
said…
My husband will never ever admit that he is wrong. If he turns the wrong
way, it was “on purpose”, etc. Drives me nuts. I feel your pain. My
Mother-in-law is the same way. Of course, anything I do is doubly
wrong. When my son was a baby, she had an entire wardrobe of close that
she would change him into when she watched him because she didn’t
approve of the clothes we bought him (we liked Osh Kosh – she liked
Carters)
September 18, 2009 12:52 PM
Eternal Lizdom
said…
I feel like I need to come up with more poop stories so I can keep up with you!
September 18, 2009 12:57 PM
Kori
said…
Man, I coldn’t have my mom stay for five DAYS, much less five weeks! I
admire your restraint. Love the way you wrote her accent, though; I
could totally HEAR it, which made me laugh. Hope you have an excellent
weekend.
September 18, 2009 1:29 PM
Helen McGinn
said…
Yup, mush brain all round. My mum for that long? Hmmmmmmm. Saying no more incase she reads this…..
September 18, 2009 1:41 PM
Charlotte
said…
You handled that person well. Much more eloquently than I. Good work.
September 18, 2009 3:30 PM
Betty
said…
hahahaha, you crack me up!! Loved this post. You tell it like it is and I
love that. I can actually imagine your mom and I love the accent. Your
write it well.I also enjoyed the story about your husband. Don´t you just love it, when we can prove them wrong??!
September 18, 2009 3:33 PM
Mom of Three
said…
Ha! Daddys can make mistakes too! Hope he’s seen a little bit better
from your perspective and goes a little easier on you. Sleep deprivation
will definitely do that to you.
September 18, 2009 5:07 PM
Kris
said…
Some moms are just like that (mine included). They never see anything
wrong with themselves but the world is wrong! Yes, my hubby does that
to me sometimes too….they think that we’re crazy/dumb/whatever
sometimes…ugh.
September 18, 2009 5:58 PM
Barely Domestic Mama
said…
I don’t want your mom to see my elbows…they are so neglected. 🙂 Lucky
you to have your house and life back! Aren’t moms fun?! Mine isn’t so
critical of looks just how I do everything from raising my son to how I
could’ve made my yellow rice better…she can’t help it though – that’s
how my grandma was before she started going through the early stages of
Alzheimer’s. Now grandma is sweet and childlike…bizarre.Ewwwww for turds! 🙂 Good luck on the job efforts. I know everyone is feeling the pain these days.
September 18, 2009 7:10 PM
mrs.notouching
said…
Best of luck with your job – hope it works out! And stop writing about my mother.Thanks and have a great weekend yourself!
September 18, 2009 7:27 PM
Kirby3131
said…
I’m going to visit my hometown (and stay at my Mom’s house) for the
month of October. I’m already stressing. I do alright for a week, but a
month? oh dear. I’ve met some folks like that – who criticize every
little thing. It’s exhausting.It can’t be the husbands fault now can it?? lolKristin – The Goat
September 18, 2009 7:46 PM
blueviolet
said…
The turd on your foot, that’s hilariously awful!My mother picks people apart too. It makes me crazy!
September 18, 2009 8:44 PM
Nishant
said…
I could handle my mother living with me for all that time!! Make website india
September 19, 2009 12:59 AM
Yaya
said…
I’ve had times in my nanny job where I’ve had to pick up a piece of poo
with my bare hands or the baby will grab it. yuck yuck yuck.Family and Fish…both stink after a few days….
September 19, 2009 5:38 AM
Theta Mom
said…
Ok, poopy on the foot, not so good! I also think your mom and my mom read the same book! LOLBTW, I really enjoy your blog. I’ve added your buton to my site. 🙂
September 19, 2009 6:19 AM
Yvette
said…
LMBO! I literally laughed out loud at the turd incident. I’m sure it was
so not funny then. But priceless! 😉 (note: i dont have kids, so I’m
sure i’ll have own incidents one day!)I’m not sure what i’d do if my mom stayed with me for a month! omgosh! Glad you are getting some you time!Have a fab weekend! And thanks for visiting my blog!
September 19, 2009 8:30 AM
magda
said…
Even in your frustration with your mom, your post is purely funny and uncritical. What a jewel of a post.
September 20, 2009 7:08 AM
L
said…
Hilarious! That might have been me she saw on TV…can’t take my elbows
anywhere! Ha! Just saw your award from Speaking from the Crib and
thought I’d check your site out. I got the Honest Scrap award. Yeah!
September 20, 2009 11:31 AM
ItsKelly
said…
Getting to work from home would be wonderful. Hope it all works out for you!
September 20, 2009 3:19 PM
Mrs4444
said…
I LOVE that he was wrong; that’ll teach him to give you a hard time! hahaThat elbow comment made me laugh out loud, but the poop fragment? (no pun intended) inspired a belly laugh. Thanks!
September 20, 2009 8:22 PM
sarah @ life {sweet} life
said…
The elbows comment is TOO much! I think she might be related to my
mother-in-law, who is Brazilian. I love when you “do” her accent b/c it
SO reminds me of her! 🙂 Glad the contract is going to be
extended…great news! And what’s with you and these poop stories? That
must stink…hahaha!! 🙂
September 20, 2009 9:31 PM
lisleman
said…
With all these comments you must be getting plenty of advice.Love
the elbow critic. I find myself getting focused on dumb things as I
get older. Maybe our brains don’t have the multitude issues in raising
a family anymore and it just finds dumb things to fill the space.From
personal experience – try your best to avoid the “I’m right you’re
wrong” crap. It gets messier than the poop on the foot. But it’s very
easy to argue about things and I waste too much time on that.
September 21, 2009 6:36 AM
The Peach Tart
said…
I could never be with my Mama for over a month, not even a week. I laughed about the turd falling out but I’m quirky like that.
September 21, 2009 1:17 PM
Neva
said…
Daddy’s got mush for brains! Hilarious!!Vent away, I was nodding along with all I read.
September 21, 2009 4:28 PM
Carolyn @ My Backyard Eden
said…
That post made me laugh out loud! Thank you! I could just hear your
mom! Sorry about the turd. Once when my now 13 year old was a tiny
baby, I was at Target and realized that I had some of that yellow,
newborn, breastfed baby shit in my hair! Yuck!
September 23, 2009 7:27 PM
Life with Kaishon
said…
I would never want to meet your Mama then because she would find one
million faults with me! Maybe the only good part of me would be my
elbows : )That poop on your foot story sounds awful! ICK!Never let your husband forget this mistake. Seriously!
September 25, 2009 11:45 AM