How to Give Advice without Being a Jerk

Who am I to give you advice on how to give advice? Well…I am not perfect, I know that and I also know that I can be as full of myself as the next person AND I get it that other people can be annoying, but what’s the point of using social media to constantly give out unsolicited advice that’s really just an excuse to bash people who are doing things the wrong way according to you?

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I bring this up because as I was minding everyone else’s business on Facebook, I came upon the status update of a woman who really is kick ass. She really is and she has a lot of wisdom to share, but son of a gun if that wisdom doesn’t come with a GINOURMOUS dose of condescension, I can’t freakin’ stand it, so I had to write the following Facebook status update to “shake it off” as Taylor Swift would sing…

I love it when people give advice and insight. I love it when people share their knowledge to help others grow. I don’t love it so much when that advice is really an excuse to bash people. It’s like you are wearing the disguise of a wise and caring elder only so you can put someone down and then tell them how things should really be done and some people seem to get off on lecturing us over and over about what others are doing wrong. They tell us of their success as a way of showing us that clearly they know better. Where I come from those are called “indirectas” and are more hurtful than helpful. I, however, am a total HYPOCRITE because clearly this status update is an indirecta. I’m about to hide someone from my feed because I just can’t with all the unsolicited bashing in the guise of showing others “the way.” It’s soul sapping and mean.

I would like to say that there are people far better than I giving advice and constructive criticism without using indirectas. One shining example that comes to mind is Lorraine C. Ladish. She has a way of teaching you how to be better without making you feel like you are bad. It’s like instead of pointing out your shortcomings, she is reminding you of your potential.

We all need to be like that when helping others. Kind, supportive and actually invested in the improvement of others. Light begets light.

And now let me give you some unsolicited advice of my own on how to give advice without being a jerk…

• Do it because you genuinely want to help someone.
• Don’t make it about yourself. Yes, you can give examples from your own life, but again, this is about helping someone else, not letting them know how great you are.
• Don’t do it if you are feeling particularly snooty.
• Don’t do it if you want to later turn around and either say, “I told you so” if they don’t follow your advice or if you want to take credit for their success if they do take your advice.
• Do it because we should all be mentoring each other.
• Don’t assume your way is the only way. Advice is easy to give, but just because you give it that doesn’t mean anyone has to follow it.
• Only give advice if you are the kind of person who is also willing to take advice. If you don’t think anyone can teach you anything, chances are you have nothing to teach others.

Peace my friends. May we all learn and grow from each other.