Let me start by saying that my husband is wonderful. He really is the love of my life and if he didn’t exist in this world I would have been perfectly happy never getting married. Even so, everyone has their flaws and when you share your life with someone conflicts are inevitable. I say all of this because I feel unbelievably guilty blogging about this, but I really need to vent.
My husband who is amazing in so many ways is not amazing with money. This is nothing new; he’s been this way the entire time we’ve been together. It doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t have much money; it bothers me that he does not manage the money he has well.
I myself have never had much, but I am responsible with what I do have. I balance my checkbook, pay my bills on time, and have a general idea of my financial situation at any given moment.
Before we got married I voiced my concerns. I did not want his financial woes to become mine. Talking about money is uncomfortable. My concerns made him defensive and my advice was met with eye rolls.
Now we’re married and we live paycheck to paycheck. Fine, but that leaves very little room for miscalculations. When we decided to have a baby, we set up a small emergency fund. I don’t consider that money mine; I don’t even think about it; it’s my daughter’s money.
This week my husband got a letter from EDD (unemployment) saying that he owed them $1,700. What the f*@%!? How does that happen? Oh and trust me, it’s definitely my husband’s mistake. Sure, it wasn’t on purpose but I don’t give a rat’s ass because it still sucks and it still affects me. Now I have to work my ass off. Shit! My husband’s job is seasonal; he gets laid off every year around this time. We depend on unemployment insurance. Now we have to pay back $1,700 and he may not be illegible to collect unemployment.
At first we thought we would have to use Put Pie’s emergency fund to pay EDD and I felt crushed, just flattened. Then as I sat at our kitchen table working from home (trying to put in hours to make more money) I came up with another solution. We’re going to borrow against his retirement fund so we don’t take Put Pie’s money because I just know that if that money is taken out it will not get repaid and it’s not our money- it’s hers.
I actually handled the situation very well. Normally, I would go on and on about it, but instead I found a solution. The thing is that as soon as the solution was found, I just broke down. I was sobbing because I’m tired of this. I never want to go through this again. It’s exhausting and we deserve better.
My husband gave me a hug and apologized. I accepted his apology and I believe him when he says he will change. The reason I believe him this time is because normally when something like this happens he acts like it’s no big deal, but the evening after he got the “invoice” he looked deflated, completely brokenhearted. I asked him what was wrong and he said, “I just feel like I let Put Pie down. I’ve never felt this way before.” He has always found excuses for his mishandling of money. This time he accepted responsibility.
Wish us luck.
P.S. For those of you who know who I am please keep in mind that this is a sensitive topic and I’m sure my husband is not thrilled that I am blogging about it; so, next time you see him do not say, “Hey Screw Up, have you figured out how to do simple math?”
Keep up the open communication. It can make all the difference.
This happened to me once. I was only on unemployment for a few months & was told a month ago that I owed them $500. I am good with my bills & am still not sure how it happened. So it might not really be his fault. It sucks that you had to dip into the Pie Fund but, have faith it will work out. 🙂
I once read that money can be the hardest topic/hurdle for a couple to get past. Now that I have been married for a number of years, I believe this wholeheartedly. I am glad to read that it seems like your husband learned his lesson. All good things in time. Hang in there!-Francesca
I'm sorry, Mami. That isn't good but it sounds like he is finally recognising the consequences to his actions as he has faced up to how it makes him feel. I really hope it all works out ok.Thinking of you.Helen xx
I'm the one who's bad with money in our family, my husband is great (usually). It took me years to learn (and I still screw up from time to time). It's a long hard change to make, but it sounds like he really has taken the first step.Hang in there!
You know I can relate. Sorry you guys have to go through it. Having a child does make people grow up really fast.
Oh sweetie, I am sorry about this happening. To be honest, my husband was not the best with money at the begining. He had a credit card addiction. 19 of them to be exact. I made him cut them up in front of me. He had to file bankruptcy becasue one of the cards was well over 10,000.00. We couldn't afford that. So he bankrupted before we got married. I completely understand what you are going through!
You will both work through this. This can be a very sensitive topic, but you're dealing with it very well.Hugs and Mocha,Stesha
Hugs hun!! Money is a biach, and she always manages to keep people upset, no matter how 'happy' they are.I agree continue to communicate, and put things on the table. Its a small step, in such a big area of life (finances), but it does make a difference down the line.
My husband and I are different with money, too. We would nitpick at each other until one day we sat down, made a plan, and put a budget down on paper. The open communication was amazing! I'm only sad that we didn't do it sooner.