My name is Unknown Mami and I am a control freak. This can be seen as a strength or a weakness depending on the circumstances. For example as an employee it has been advantageous because I am meticulous, organized and dependable, but in my personal life it can drive my loved ones crazy and meticulous is interpreted as anal.
For a long time, I’ve been aware that being a control freak does my soul more harm than good. Perfectionism is painful because the truth is that perfection can never be achieved.
Time and time again, I’ve been advised not to sweat the small stuff. Every time I’ve heard something of that nature my inner monologue goes something like this:
Don’t sweat the small stuff? Are you kidding me!? I can actually control the small stuff. I can do something about it. I can change the small stuff. It’s the big stuff that makes me feel powerless. I’m not an idiot! I know what I’m doing. I just can’t help myself. I don’t want to help myself. I know it drives other people crazy, but it makes me feel sane.
Becoming a mother has really been an impetus to stop being a control freak. The entire experience beginning with pregnancy has been out of my control. I learned early on that I could plan all I wanted, but I had to make room for and expect the unexpected.
Now I am busy getting my bearings as a mother and I don’t have time to control the small stuff (i.e. my home is messier than I like, my hair needs to be colored, my husband doesn’t pick up his dirty socks…). Previously this would have made me miserable, but I’ve come to a point in my life where I would much rather be happy than in control. It’s just so much more fun.
This weekend I just went with the flow and I had a blast. Sunday was my first real Father’s Day and I got to spend it with the two loves of my life: my husband and daughter. We had nothing specific planned and I did not resist anything suggested because I wanted to celebrate my wonderful husband (he is an amazing father). And you know what? It was a perfect day! As soon as I stop trying to make things perfect I get perfect bliss.
I’m out of control and I like it!
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I love this post! I, too, am a control freak and you are right; in the professional world it's great, it the mommy-world, it can be a nightmare. I have to step back a lot from situations and ask myself if I am being too controlling and the answer is usually yes. After 8 years I still haven't learned how to calm down. I'm trying!Glad you had a great Father's Day!
Ha ha, good for you! I'm not a control freak, but I'm not as go with the flow as I wish I was was. One day maybe i'll try the Yes Man experiment.
I used to be so calm and chill. Now I'm a freak on wheels about things. I need to start letting go and not "sweat the small stuff" like you put it. I know life will run smoother once I let go a bit.
I am a totally mellow, go with the flow, free spirit.Like being a control freak, it has it's joys and it's pitfalls.There has to be a happy medium, I always think, but I rarely meet anyone who fits it. Good for you for seeking it!
They say admitting it, is the first sign of acceptance =)
That is such great perspective. Something I'll need to come back to when I'm ready to address it myself!
Wow! What a wonderful post…as a mom of two very little ones, and a mom with a broken ankle, I am currently being tested on a monumental level in the practices of letting go…helplessness is a terribly eye opening experience
You sound like someone else I know!! ME!