Managing My Anxiety During the Coronavirus Pandemic

Coronavirus is messing with me big time and not because I have it or anyone that I know has it. It’s messing with me because I have anxiety disorder and as someone with anxiety disorder, I am always and I mean ALWAYS on the lookout for disaster.

When I’m parking my car in a shopping center, I’m looking for cars that are going to barrel into me or pedestrians I might run over. When I go to the movies, I sit close to the exit in case there is a shooter so that I can get out as quickly as possible. Crowds terrify me because what if someone steals from me or worse sticks me with a syringe full of I don’t know what? When someone is sick, I worry that I’m going to get sick and die a slow painful death.

This anxiety of mine freakin’ sucks big time for me and for those who love me and are a part of my daily life. I manage my anxiety with medication, meditation, exercise, years of therapy and by trying to stay present and remind myself that right now in this moment I am OK. But am I? Because right now in this moment COVID-19 is a pandemic. A freakin’ pandemic you guys! Pan means “all” and “demic” means people. A pandemic is a threat to all the people and last time I checked I’m one of thems people. And my brain that is so used to looking for disaster starts saying things like, “See it’s not that you have anxiety disorder, it’s that you are psychic and you always knew something like this would happen.”

And the psychic thing makes sense because I used to worry about shootings happening in public places when such things were unthinkable in this country, but now they happen all the time, so was I really wrong to worry? In fact, so many things that I’ve worried about and was told were just symptoms of my anxiety have come to pass. And now this, this pandemic that is making toilet paper and hand sanitizer scarce and is killing people and could put a huge strain on our healthcare system, a healthcare system that so many in this country can’t even afford … HOW CAN I NOT LISTEN TO THESE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD?! These thoughts that lead to panic and panic attacks.

But I can’t, I can’t let the thoughts in my head win because it’s not just about me. I have children and one of them seems to have inherited my penchant for anxiety. Last week, that child, who is generally the happiest person that I know, came home and started crying. She cried silently at the kitchen table as she did her homework and couldn’t tell me why. All she could say is, “I don’t know why I’m crying. I just feel sad.” Then later that evening as we tried to figure it out, she said that she’s scared because of coronavirus and my heart broke, just shattered because I want her to be safe and healthy, but I don’t want her to be afraid. I know what living in fear is like and I don’t want that for her or anyone.

So what am I doing to keep anxiety at bay?

20 Things I’m Doing to Manage My Anxiety During the Coronavirus Pandemic

• I’m acknowledging my anxiety. Pretending that it doesn’t exist does me no good.
• I’m meditating.
• I’m taking my meds.
• I focus on my breath when I feel my pulse start to race.
• I’m exercising most days.
• I am preparing for being at home with my kids most of the time by stocking up on food and supplies, but I’m not hoarding.
• I’m staying home as much as possible.
• I’m following best practices to avoid the spread of coronavirus and reminding my children to do the same.
• I am only checking the news once a day because I can’t be constantly bombarded with headlines that terrify me.
• I kindly ask my husband to stop talking about it to me when it gets to be too much.
• I’m playing board games, watching movies and enjoying the extra time I get to spend with my kids.
• I’m cooking because eating food that isn’t prepared by us at home makes me nervous.
• I’m getting dressed on occasion. Being at home most of the time lends itself to being in pajamas 24/7, but that’s not so great for my mood.
• I’m using a light therapy lamp for 30 minutes a day so that I don’t get depressed because I’m not getting enough natural light when I’m indoors.
• I’m calling loved ones to talk, check in on them and for social interaction.
• I’m letting myself cry if I need to cry.
• I’m finding reasons to laugh whenever I can because humor has always been a coping mechanism.
• I’m practicing gratitude because I have so much to be grateful for.
• I’m letting go of guilt for not being as profoundly affected by this pandemic as some are.
• I’m looking into buying a non-electric bidet so that I can use less toilet paper and because I’ve wanted a bidet for a long time.

How are you tending to your mental health right now? If you need help, please reach out to your health care provider.

ALSO READ: Our Love Story Is Simple

Over here just trying to keep it together

San Francisco, CA

I showed you mine, now show me yours.

Share your city/town/suburb/you name it! Think of this as a photography hop that lets you share your part of the world and lets you travel virtually. If you link up, please link back or post the Sundays In My City button either in your post or sidebar to let people know that other bloggers are sharing their communities too. Happy trails!