Does the world really need to hear my hair story? Probably not, but it’s mine to tell so I’m gonna tell it.
I love my hair. I have beautiful curly brown hair. I’ve always had beautiful hair, but I haven’t always loved it.
I spent years straightening it, crimping it (child of the 80’s), or otherwise manipulating the texture. For many, many years I never let it be in its natural state. I actually feared its natural state. Going to the beach or swimming was always an issue because then it would curl and I’d have no control over it. There would be frizz and I would feel distressed. Rainy days were not my friend.
I tried feathering it or getting it cut in a “mushroom”; styles that look good on people with straight hair, but made this curly haired girl look like a deranged poodle.
Even when I moved to San Francisco my hair was an issue. At the time I wore bangs that had to be straightened every day. San Francisco is known for being foggy. Fog has a way of curling my hair. Fortunately, I moved anyway- bangs be damned!
Eventually, I grew out my bangs and stopped messing with my hair’s texture and realized that I actually like it curly.
Still, I can’t say that I l “loved” my hair until a few years back when I noticed that it was thinning. My hair was no longer as full as it used to be. No one else seemed to notice, but I was devastated. That’s when I realized that I LOVE my hair! I have gorgeous hair. How could I have possibly wasted so many years not appreciating the glory that is my hair?!
Since this realization, I proudly wear my curls. As an actor it bothers me if I get hired for a job and the stylist immediately decides to straighten my hair. Most of the time it’s because they don’t know what to do with curly hair. I say, just let it be curly.
I thought I was all over my hair issues and then I went home. Not really home, but to my mother’s home. We were all getting ready for a quinceañera and my mother asked, “Como te vas a arreglar el pelo?” (How are you going to wear your hair?)
When I told her I was going to wear it curly she gave me a sort of disappointed sigh. So what did I do? I’d like to say I rocked my curly hair in all its glory, but NO! I caved!!! I pulled out the straightening iron and straightened it. My husband who had never seen me with straightened hair thought it looked odd and I was irritated that I let my mother’s opinion sway me, shame me.
In the car on the way to the party my mother complimented how lovely my hair looked and I could feel the rage burning my cheeks. I was angry at her, but I was more angry at myself. Then her husband (not my father in blood, but my father in spirit) said, “Your hair is beautiful when it’s curly. Your hair looks nice now, not better, just different.” I love that man.
So how do I feel about my hair now? I am more in love with it than ever. I think it is glorious, gorgeous, and glamorous. Do I think that when I look in the mirror? No, I think it every single time I look at my daughter because she has my hair.
My daughter’s hair is undeniably beautiful. She has my hair, therefore my hair is beautiful.
She loves her hair, she has no reason not to. No one has ever made her feel that her hair isn’t beautiful.
Earlier this week my husband came home and told me to watch the following Sesame Street video. I watched and I cried. I cried because of my hair story. I cried because so many others have hair stories. I cried because I never saw anything like this video when I was a child. I cried because I want my daughter to always love her hair. I cried because it’s not just about hair. I cried because I was grateful and happy.
I love my hair!!!
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Well her hair, and YOURS, is beautiful!! I would love to have your hair!
now that i’m older i have a better apprecition for my hair. but yes… we all obsess over the hair we don’t have. i’m learning to be more content with what i have. i love that sesame street video… she has great hair! so does your daughter. lovely, curly hair!
That video is awesome, way to go Sesame Street! I have bone straight hair and always wanted my friends wavy/curly hair. I remember my friend ironing her hair!
I think you are blessed and I am glad that you love your hair.
Thanks for sharing the video, as you wrote many have their own hair stories to tell. I was thinking about writing a post about my hair too. I will do it one of these days.
My mother initiallt looked at me strange when I decided to go natural. Now she love my hair, many mothers ‘unconsciously’ force their children to wear their hair in a different way because they think is the best for them. It is only when we are old we realise that deep down we always knew what was best for us.
I am happy you are letting your hair free and curly. Your daughter has great hair and I hope people around her will never envy her so much to let her hate her hair. I am sure that will not happen because she has a great mother like you :).
I am also happy I went natural, I feel healtier in this way :)!
Thanks again for posting your post.
She is gorgeous. ….and I was talking about you last night with my husband. We were watching the baseball game and they showed this tower that was lit up orange nearby fishermans warf. What is the name of the tower and do they let people go up inside it? Any links to give me the lowdown?
I don’t know what tower you are talking about. I’m watching the game right now and trying to keep a look out for it. If I figure out what it is, I’ll let you know.
“because it’s not just about hair” That summed it all up for me. I’m glad you love your .. hair. 🙂
I was always told I had beautiful hair. I was the ultimate blonde (don’t gag at me please, I was also a child of the 80’s) but I never believed it… until these days when I look back at old pictures and I can honestly say, shit, my hair really was pretty back then!! I’m noticing it more also as I age because it now acts as if I’ve got a finger in an electrical socket, and it never did that when I was younger!
wow I didn’t know they had a sesame puppet based on you – cool.
Maybe loving your hair also involves loving yourself. Nice post.
Even though I don’t think about it much, I love my hair.
You’ve got pretty awesome hair.
the both of you are gorgeous! from your naturally curly haired sister in georgia! xoxoxoxoxo
She does have beautiful hair.
I just don’t like how my hair won’t LISTEN to me. It’s forever sticking up.
Her hair is beautiful! I love curls on little girls!
I just started to embrace my own curls in the last few years. I don’t know what that is such a hard thing to do.
So funny and so true that we always want what we don’t have. I love long curly hair — and my gorgeous Greek friend is constantly straightening hers. I’m glad you’ve come to an understanding with yours — and your daughter’s hair is gorgeous. My Mom was always on me about my hair when I was living at home – no matter what I did she wanted me to do something else with it. A few months ago I cut a haircut and highlights and thought it looked really good. I was over at her house and after an hour I said “don’t you like my hair?” and she looked at it and said ‘oh, did you just get that done? It’s great — but your hair always looks so nice anyway.” ??? Thanks. And a little bit argh.
To start, you do have GLORIOUS hair!!! I have always been jealous of your hair and yes, your gorgeous girl shares in your wealth.
You know that I have had serious hair issues myself. As a girl with babyfine straight hair, I have never understood why anyone would not swim in the glory of their curls — just sayin’. I loved the Sesame Street segment. I hope that my daughter loves her hair, as well, whatever texture and color it turns out to be.
BTW, don’t be too hard on yourself about straightening your hair for your mom. We all do that. But at least, you know that hair won’t be the source of argument for you and put pie.
🙂
Traci
I love your baby curly hair and yours too! I have curly hair but not nearly as nice as yours…! My sister youngest has really curly hair and she hates it and my older sister has the same hair and she now loves hers, When they are side by side like twins. Any one can have straight hair but good curly hair natural is best.
I love thick curly hair, something I have never had.
Your daughters hair is beautiful and looks just like mine did at her age. I’ve always had curly hair even when it was long and I always wanted it straight. I think we all want the opposite of what we have at one time or another. It now looks much like your daughters and I love it. I don’t care what others think, I only care about what I like. My sister in law, when commenting on my hair recently, told me it looks like an 80’s do and needs to be straightened. My repy? “If you’re Christie Brinkley or Angelina Jolie, I’ll listen but other than that, I’m keeping it the way it is.”
Love that Sesame street video too 🙂
My daughter has pencil tight curls and grew up wishing and wishing her hair was straight, because it’s high maintenance hair. It has taken her 20 years or so but for the last few years she has come to love her hair and the curliness completely!
This is so endearing, so adorable, so wonderful. I LIKE my hair. It’s naturally curly, and I’ve been straightening it for the past 2 years. Hubby loves it either way. I think I need to find some good product and a good cut for my hair when it’s curly; I have a great cut for wearing it straight, but it doesn’t work curly – it makes my head look like a triangle.
This was inspiring. Thank you.
I have beautiful curly hair as well. It is the one thing about me that I know rocks. People tell me all the time and wanna touch it (that is not so good). My youngest son has my curls. He is a flirt and loves the hair – the girls (all ages) love his hair. He gets it and brags he got it from me. I too hated it growing up but products have come soooo far now. Have you ever tried ouidad? No I don’t work for them or get anything but I swear by their shampoo, conditioner, and the pomenade. LOVE it – haven’t used anything else for years. And you should only wash it once maybe twice a week. I get my wet every morning and might throw some conditioner in but it looks best the least it is washed. With my youngest son – I wet his every morning as well and put a little of the pomenade in his as well. Sorry to be sooooooo long!
It’s funny you mention it because I’ve been exercising more often than usual and have been washing my hair too often. Today I looked in the mirror and thought, “I really need to stop washing my hair so often”. It makes such a huge difference.
I have curly hair also. My mother had perfectly straight hair. My father had the crazy curly hair. Not sure what to do with it, it either was brushed out and frizzy or put in a ponytail or not given the right product to make it curly gorgeous. 🙁 So now as an adult, I’m still trying to “love” my curly hair but haven’t put down the flat iron. My lil 4 year old has curly hair and I need to remind myself to let her know ALL the great ways to have curly hair!!
Thanks for the video and sharing it!!!
Your daughter’s hair is precious…love those curls, my goddaughter has a head full as well. I have extremely curly hair. Somtimes I straighten it and sometimes I let it go curly. I like the verstility. What I don’t like is that it frizzes instead of just curls. Fortunately, there are lots of new products out now to help with that. It was not this curly or firzzy when I was young.
Your daughter’s curls are BEAUTIFUL! (as are yours, I’m sure, since they’re the same!) I have major curl envy – mostly of my daughter 🙂 But then I’ve always wanted curly hair. My mom used to curl mine in foam rollers every.single.time I was going to have pictures taken. I literally have only ONE school picture from preschool through graduation that has my natural straight hair. 🙁 So I know I’m the opposite of most – but the same essence still stands – we just all need to love what we “got up top”! (to quote my new favorite muppet!) LOL I hope Q never feels like she has to straighten hers or perm it to fit in, or feel better about herself.
As it turns out, the more I learn about taking care of curly hair, and loving our tresses just the way they are… the more I like my straight hair. I hope that in that I can be a role model for my daughter, even though our textures are different.
LOVED your story! Thank you for sharing it!!
Yep, I’ve been through the primping and preening and nuking it stage (for far too long). Now that I’m no longer fully able to style my hair I have to more or less let it do its own thing and it makes me realise what a waste of time it was, spending all those years of fretting. Curls are cool.
Excellent post because yes, this is really all about self-acceptance.
I don’t think you are alone in this. Outside influences greatly impact how we see ourselves. It really is sad. Your little girls hair is just adorable so I can imagine I would love your hair too. This video is great. I am going to show it to my little lady. A while back someone said something negative to her about her blond curly hair and now she has talked about wanting dark straight hair. She is 4!!! Ugh. She has sweet little ringlets that are adorable. XX
Your father in spirit sounds like a wonderful man. Very intuitive. As you get older, you’ll get better at being you and not caving in to your mom. It’s hard, I know. At least you are able to appreciate your hair. It scares me how many people are always trying to fix something about themselves. Why not just celebrate who you are?
Y’all do have beautiful hair!
My mom’s hair is naturally curly and her mother always forced her to straighten it when she was growing up and even now that she is 55, she is still straightening it to please her mother. Makes me very sad.
That video rocks my face off!
Your daughter’s hair is beautiful! I always wanted curly hair. All my cousins had curly hair. My mother has curly hair. My sister and I inherited our father’s mostly straight with weird waves. Not really curly and not really straight. I’ve finally quit hating on my hair, but it took me a long time to get to that place, too.
My favorite thing about that Sesame Street video is that the puppeteer created this video for his adopted Ethiopian daughter who told him she hated her hair. That is love!
That really is love!
I love this self-affirming post!
Amazing how “hair” can be such a deal breaker on self-esteem. I’ve had curly, prone to frizz, crazy hair all my life. For awhile there I did enjoy wearing it curly. But when I really started going gray, my hair lost its “good curl”. So straight it is…and I just do the best I can on humid days.
Today was a good hair day!
Loved the Sesame street thing. I love how it’s being shown all over the place for all the little girls out there now 🙂
My hair is stick straight and flat as a board. I spent YEARS getting horrible perms in it and longing for naturally curly hair. Of course I haven’t worn it that way in 20 years – thank God!
I love to see little girls with bouncy curls. You daughter’s hair (and yours) is beautiful!
It goes much deeper than loving your hair. I think it does anyway. Loving yourself inside and out. You are beautiful. From your hair to your feet. From your heart to your soul.
I have no hair, so I feel at odds when people (Mrs. MM included) complain about their hair. Now, granted, I realize you aren’t complaining about your hair. You are airing your frustration with your youthful desire to not just appreciate who you WERE and your mother’s inability to appreciate who you ARE. I am happy to read that you are more at peace with your image. That is important. Both for you and as the example you set for Put Pie. Some days I wish I had my thick beautiful blond hair, but the fact of the matter is – I have a gorgeous head…hair or no.
My husband has a gorgeous head too.
I think we always want the hair we don’t have! My hair has a wave to it but no real curl and I always wished for curly hair. My hair is very fine too so styling it is a nightmare. My daughter has curly hair and I love it and I hope she does too.
OMG! Beyond CUTE!!
Her hair and yours, is beautiful! Lovely, warm, earthy colour
B xx
excellent post. I LOVEEE curly hair! I am having a battle with my hair lately, grays that is….umph!
I love you and your hair!
I LOVE curly hair and I envy your gorgeous locks. My hair is straight as a board!
I’ve got curly hair too… the kind of curl that doesn’t really even straighten well. I’ve always hated it. I am not much more used to it, but still i wish it was naturally straight & boring. I pull it up often,pretty much all the time. I liked it when I could afford to go to the salon & have it colored. One day I’m sure I’ll like it again. Sigh.
I love your daughters hair & if yours is the same, you are a lucky lucky lady! I love the full ringlet kind of tossled natural curly look!
mmmmhmmmm. And I hear you.
I always fought with my curly Spanish hair until it started to thin 3 years ago. Now, I look back at pictures from high school and college and think, “what beautiful thick hair.”
I quit flat ironing it and straightening it.
It’s true: you don’t know what you got till it’s almost gone.
It’s my hair, frizzy, curly, dark, and Spanish…and that’s the way it’s meant to be.
BTW: I need to show this video to my 3 boys, who “hate” their curls, too.
This was a wonderful post, thank you.
Two of my girls have your hair. Beautiful, ethnic, make-me-jealous hair. I have always told them how much I love their curly hair, as their dad did also. Reading your story made me so glad we did.