Not-so-Unknown Mami and Friends

Today, I’ve invited my friend Maureen to describe our friendship. Here’s what she has to say…

When I first met Unknown Mami, I didn’t like her. What is that you ask? How can someone whose delightfulness radiates from the page not be liked? Well, roughly 15 years ago, in the theater department of the college Mami  and I went to, I was hanging out in the hallway, as was an uber-hip, red- lipped Mami. At the time, Mami had a boyfriend that I thought was very cute, sort of a rugged Michael J. Fox in overalls. Let’s call him Larry. I was sitting around and I see Larry approach Mami with a bag from Taco Bell. He had brought her lunch! He was both cute AND thoughtful! The two of them start unloading the loot and the first thing that comes out of Mami’s mouth is, “You forgot to ask for no onions.” No, “Thank you my darling.” No, “How thoughtful you are.” It was all about the onions.  All I could think of at the time, as I sat by my boyfriend-less self, was here this chick has a cute and thoughtful boyfriend and all she can think of is to the complain about the onions on her Taco Bell burrito.

Months pass and “No Onions” (I called her “No Onions” in my head.) and I end up working on a show together. One day backstage, I am sitting right next to her. I don’t really know what to say because little does she know I hate her. Then, she speaks. “I like your shoes.” Is she talking to me? “Oh, thank you. I got them for $5 at (wherever it is I bought them),” I said enthusiastically. (You have to understand. A fashion compliment from Mami really holds a lot of weight. The gal doesn’t wear high-end designer labels, but she knows how to dress. I have no such gene, so I was incredibly excited that someone like Mami liked something I was wearing.) “No Onions” was no more.

Our friendship blossomed when I returned to the Bay Area (after 6 years) and we worked with each other at a local theater. Our friendship is not a traditional “girl friendship.” Our friendship grew at work, where a group of us sat around and ate, drank and talked, even now that we do not work together, our “dates” are still quite the same. I treasure the time I spend with Mami and her girls. (Unknown Papi too, of course.) It is through this time together that I really get to know her. This is not to say that Mami is not warm and charming upon first meeting. Even my curmudgeon of a Dad finds her delightful. It is just that it’s taken me over 8 years to really get to know the real Unknown Mami. She does not give herself all in one sitting. She gives you bits of herself over time; little keys into her heart.  Aside from the obvious, an award-winning smile, a sense of humor that will knock you off your chair, and knack for great writing, Unknown Mami is also painlessly honest and is the least judgmental person I know. She will show up early for a party to help you set up or give you a small gift just because it reminded her of you.  Mami doesn’t gloat about her generosity and might not even realize how much her actions mean to people. However, to me, these are actions of a good person. As I get older, I find less and less people that I can pinpoint as good. Not perfect, but who I think make a difference in our world and I’m thankful to have in mine. I have learned a lot from her. Through her eyes and honesty I have begun to see the injustices in our world; how people of color and different economic classes are treated differently. How racial stereotypes permeate our media and how my own culture of privilege has affected me and my path. She’s not on a podium. It’s just through honest conversation that I’ve seen the world through a different lens, that leaves me saying, “Ya know…you’re right.” I am now an elementary school teacher whose students are not unlike the young Mami. I think of her more than she knows. When I look into the eyes of my 4th graders, whom I love dearly, and realize that, while I’m there for a hug and a tissue, I don’t actually know what it’s like to have the struggles that they have or to be, as Mami was, an incredibly bright child whose parent doesn’t really understand how important it is to nurture their child’s love of learning. Mami sharing herself with me helps me be better at the work I do and, I think, has made me a better person. I will say to you, the lucky readers of this blog, that you have a short cut into Mami. She’s shared with you things that it took me years to learn. I love this blog not only for the wonderful writing, but also because I continue to get to know her. I am no different from you. I laugh and cry just as you do when I read this blog; I just have the honor of knowing that she’s only a phone call, e-mail, or text away.

This entry would not be complete without a quick shout out to Unknown Papi. Papi is the peanut butter to Mami’s jelly, the salt to her pepper. I say that because while they are very different, they are perfectly matched and would not be the same without the other. They have a beautiful relationship. Over the time of our friendship, I have watched them grow from being a wonderful, supportive couple to a gorgeous, love-filled family.

One final note. Did you know that Unknown Mami looks like Cher? Obviously not like the current Cher or even of her Sonny & Cher time, but of Cher’s Moonstruck time.

It’s something in the nose; I love Mami’s nose. Apparently, we have Unknown Abuela to thank for this. Allegedly, upon hearing the same comparison being made about her daughter some years ago, she boasted that she prayed to God that she would have a daughter that looks like Cher. How I love a good Unknown Abuela story! Oh, and yes, Mami’s Mami is just as awesome as she sounds.

Thank you Maureen. What can I say? I simply can not tolerate onions in my Taco Bell burritos. Is that so wrong?

This post is part of a series celebrating friendship. Stop by tomorrow to read what I have to say about Maureen and don’t forget to nurture the friendships in your life.