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San Francisco is a picturesque year-round tourist magnet. It’s the kind of city that if you’ve never been to others will tell you is a MUST see because of the food, the architecture, the history, the culture, the so on and so forth.
There are plenty of reasons to go to San Francisco, but I am here to give you nine reasons NOT to go to San Francisco. I live here so you should totally trust me and stay home because…
You Will Freeze
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It’s freakin’ cold in the summer and you will feel like an idiot shivering in your shorts, tank top and flip flops. Oh and when you buy yourself a “San Francisco” fleece sweatshirt to keep warm, all the locals will know you are a tourist and your coolness factor goes down drastically simply because you are trying to keep warm.
ALSO READ: Signs You’ve Lived In San Francisco Too Long
There Is No Parking
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Nope, none, don’t even bother driving here because there will be nowhere to park your car and you’ll complain and drive in circles forever and if you go to a paid parking garage you may as well just sign over your pink slip to them because it’s gonna cost you big bucks. And don’t even think of getting creative and trying to park in someone’s driveway for a minute because you will regret it.
ALSO READ: Top 10 Reasons You Know You’ve Lived in San Francisco Too Long
There Is Poop Everywhere
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No for reals, you need to look where you are walking because there is poop all over the sidewalks of San Francisco. If you accidentally step in some, you can tell yourself it’s dog poop, but the truth is that with the homeless population it could very well be human poop. I spared you a picture of actual poop because YUCK.
The Hills Are Charming Until…
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Yes, the hills add to the beauty of the city until you don’t have a car because there is no parking and you can’t take public transit because MUNI (or MUNIserable as I’ve heard it called) is taking too long or the last bus was so full you couldn’t get on and then you find yourself trying to walk a mile uphill both ways while maneuvering around poop on the sidewalks. That’s when then the hills become just another way the city tortures you.
Buying Coffee Is a Pain in the Ass
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Everywhere else you would just walk into a Starbucks and order your Venti double whatever the funk and feel fine about walking down the street with it, not in San Francisco. In San Francisco, you are expected to have GOOD taste in coffee and buy it from a local place that sells it in small, medium and large.
Someone Is Always Asking for Money
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If it’s not a homeless person or a street performer then there are also people with binders who will ask you questions you can’t possibly say no to like, “Do you believe children deserve to grow up?” and then they’ll block your way as they make eye contact and try to get you to donate money to some cause that probably has nothing to do with kids growing up.
There Are Naked People
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If you don’t like seeing naked people outside of your bedroom, then San Francisco is not the place for you. It’s not like there are naked people everywhere, but you never know when a naked person you never wanted to see naked will pop up.
It’s Crazy Expensive
Oh you think you know expensive? Do you live in San Francisco? If the answer is “no” then you don’t know what expensive is. San Francisco takes your idea of expensive—doubles it, adds gratuity to it, overcharges you Whole Foods pre-packaged-style and then adds a hipster tax to it.
You Won’t Want to Leave
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Even though you shouldn’t come because really it’s just an awful place with no parking, too many hills and charming vistas where you will freeze to death and drink coffee that makes you jittery, when the time comes for you to leave, you won’t want to because dang it if it isn’t a great city full of wonderful people and interesting things to look at. It’s the kind of city that you can’t help but fall in love with so really you shouldn’t come at all.
Yes, a world of beautiful pictures, beautiful cityscapes!
You have certainly come up with nine very good reasons. Thankfully I have visited and while I didn’t see any poop or naked people I did get to experience the summer cold, the high prices and of course the lack of parking. You’re right, I didn’t want to leave….lol
I used to live in the Outer Richmond. You’re right. 😉
Of course, you are totally allowed to visit. Hee hee.
I always leave the South Bay without a sweater and feel sorry when I get to the city. It’s so cold all the time!
It’s the perfect excuse to practice some colorful layering.
Just remember to bring warm clothes.