The Day I Almost Met George Clooney

When I first graduated from high school I was lost. I wasn’t going to college right away, I didn’t have a job, and I didn’t really want to look for one. My mother however insisted that I get a job. I slacked and since my mother worked all the time she didn’t really know what I did all day, but soon enough she told me that I better get a job or my life would not be pleasant.

I looked in the want ads and came across an ad that read something like this:

Management Trainee Position
Work in an office with a Rock N Roll environment
Train to become a manager
Decorate your own office!

Well sign me up! I called the number and had what I guess was a phone interview. I was told to dress nicely and show up on the following Monday. That’s right I had gotten myself a job! Management Trainee no less.

Monday came around and I got up bright and early. I went to the address I was given, I walked in and saw a bunch of other “Management Trainees.” I was nervous and didn’t ask any questions. I took a seat in a large conference type room. I could hear cheering coming from another room in the back.

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All of a sudden a bunch of amped up weirdos came running out of the back and started cheerfully yelling and handing out shots of whipped cream. Someone told us that the trainees would be teamed up with trainers and we would be sent “out into the field.”

My trainer was a diminutive man with an Australian accent. I can’t remember much of what he said, but I do remember he was very enthusiastic and not in a nice way. He led me to his car and we were off. I still had no idea what I would be doing. The next thing I know we pull over, he tells me to get out of the car, and he pulls a cardboard box out of the trunk. We start walking up the street and we see these two Latino guys sitting outside of garage; they are speaking Spanish. My trainer asks me if I speak Spanish, which I do, he then reaches into the cardboard box, hands me a box of cheap perfume that mimics the smell of something expensive and tells me to go sell it to the men for $20. WTF?! I stand there paralyzed until my trainer says, “GO ON DO IT!” I walk over to the men and even though I feel like vomiting I end up selling them each a bottle of $20 Faux-session.

For the next couple of hours, my trainer gets us into office buildings and we try to sell perfume until we get kicked out. Whenever there were men around he would get me to go up to them and you’d be surprised how many men are willing to buy anything from an 18-year-old girl (or maybe you wouldn’t be).

One of the buildings that we went into had casting agents, most of the doors were closed, but one door was open and I could see an actor going over sides. My trainer insisted I go up to the actor. Ugh, I didn’t want to, but I was sort of stuck with my trainer because we had come in his car and he was so damn pushy. I tentatively walk up to the actor and I realize it’s GEORGE CLOONEY! FUCK! Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking, “Oh Wow, George Clooney!” and maybe picturing the salt and pepper gorgeousness that Clooney has become, but no! This was the late 80’s. What I saw was something more like this: