The Oscars: Top 10 Things Not to Say to Your Daughters While Watching the #Oscars

Do you watch the Oscars? I’m not gonna lie, I like watching more for the pageantry than anything else. There have also been times when I’ve enjoyed a good teardown of someone’s outfit. Know that I love beauty in all its forms. For example, Bjork in her swan dress was awesome in my opinion because she is a friggin’ original that stays true to herself and there is nothing more beautiful than that, but I also have a wicked sense of humor that at times I can not resist using.

I try to be a little more conscious of what I say now that I have two daughters because I don’t want them to pick people apart or to pick themselves apart. I am the daughter of a mother who picks people apart and it is not good.

I once told my mother that someone on TV looked gorgeous and she said, “Djes, but look at her elbows. Dey are de ugliest elbows, I eber esee in my life.” To which I responded, “Ama, when you are that beautiful… who the heck is going to be looking at your elbows?!”

Now that you know where I am coming from you will understand why I felt it necessary to compile…

1. Oh my Gwad, why is Daniel Day Lewis still with his wife? She is nowhere near as famous as he is, he could do so much better.
2. I wonder why Hugh Jackman’s wife won’t admit that he’s gay, what’s the big deal?
3. I can’t believe Sally Field is still alive!
4. Do you think Tommy Lee Jones is hung like Tommy Lee?
5. Quvenzhane Wallis should really think of changing her name to something that is a lot easier for me to pronounce and remember. I mean honestly!
6. Finally Anne Hathaway is Hollywood skinny, I hope she doesn’t get Hollywood fat again!
7. So excited about Seth Macfarlane hosting. I hope he rips everyone a new one.
8. Sure, if I were rich and had a chef, personal trainer, and people catering to all my needs I would look that good. (Not true, I’d still be as lazy and undisciplined as I am now.)
9. Ugh, why is she an actress; she’s not even pretty?
10. Who cares who wins? I just want to see who looks like crap.

Disclosure: I’m kidding!!!