Growing up most of my Halloweens were nothing special. It seemed that every year I was a variation of either a gypsy or a hobo because they were costumes that could be made for free and that was what we could afford. When I was in 6th grade I decided that I wanted to win the costume parade contest at school. This was a pretty ambitious goal considering it would be all up to me to conceptualize and procure a costume. Yes, I was a nerd in elementary school and used words like conceptualize and procure.
The thing was, that I was extremely shy. My best friend was too cool for school and her idea of a socially acceptable costume was anything that could be made sexy. I was much more childlike in my outlook (even though I was trapped in the body of a young woman) and had no intention of being a sexy gypsy or a sexy hobo, but I feared judgment from my bff and her mean girl friends.
The Universe somehow found out that I really wanted to win the costume parade and made it so my bff’s class would be on a field trip the day of the parade. That’s when I really started to dream big. I wanted to be something that no one else would be, something that would be so creative and unique that my costume would have to win first place. I surveyed my surroundings for inspiration and then it came to me in a flash: I was going to be an intimate dinner for two!
It was brilliant! I would win for sure. I took an old closet door that was in the garage and I cut it in half and made a hole in the center for my head, then I covered it with a white table cloth because this was going to be a fancy dinner for two. I found plates, napkins, wine glasses, silverware, and glued then to the tablecloth. I was stumped about what to do with my head, but then I decided it would be the centerpiece. I stuck flowers through a ski cap and then covered it and my face with foil paper.
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I was so excited! I couldn’t wait for Halloween. I couldn’t tell my bff about all my hard work, but I was dying to share it with someone. There was a boy in my class, Clayton, who would call me after school. I swore him to secrecy and told him about the intimate dinner for two. He told me it was a great idea and surely no one else would be dressed like me because who dresses like a dinner table?
The day came and I carried my costume to school. I did not want to reveal it until the very last minute. The parade wasn’t until the end of the day; the anticipation was killing me; I couldn’t wait to see the wonder and surprise on everyone’s faces.
When it was time I went into the bathroom and donned the ensemble. I proudly walked outside to meet destiny and my class. No one in my class really said anything, which was fine because the table was a bit unwieldy and hard to balance on my shoulders, I needed to focus.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, it was my classes turn to walk. I felt proud as I started my march, but then I started to hear kids say, “What is that thing?”,” Is it a square ghost?”, “Who is that?” and “I don’t understand what that’s supposed to be.” You see in my excitement I failed to consider that I was the tallest kid in the school. None of the other kids could see my table top and to them I just looked like a big boxy ghost.
I was crushed! The only saving grace was that no one seemed to know it was me and that my bff was not there to witness my humiliation…until…her bus got back from the field trip EARLY! I saw her and her classmates running to us to catch the tail end of the parade. I was mortified, but it was okay because they didn’t know it was me…until…Suzanna, my bff, pointed at my shoes and said that’s Unknown Preteen and started laughing hysterically. Then it spread through the crowd, “That’s Unknown Preteen!”, “It’s Unknown Preteen!” My shoulders slumped, my table top slanted, then everyone saw the place settings and was even more confused by a ghost with plates and a flower head.
When it was over, it was all I could do to stop myself from crying. I tried to accidentally leave my costume at school, but my teacher made me carry it home. That was The WORST Halloween EVER, most memorable Halloween, but definitely the worst. Still, I wish I could have videotaped the incident because I could let you watch it now and you could tell me that I really did look like an intimate dinner for two.
In case you were wondering, the winner of the parade was Clayton’s younger, very short sister who dressed up as a Thanksgiving banquet. That’s right she sat six people and had actual food on her table. Friggin’ Clayton I hope he choked on a turkey bone!
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