I Am a Dirty Stinking Sticker Thief

Please know that the day I became a dirty stinkin’ sticker thief I had no intention of stealing anything much less stealing from my very own flesh and blood, from my youngest daughter. I’m not proud of what I’ve done that’s not why I’m broadcasting it. I just want you to know that temptation is always out there and you never know when you will succumb.

Here’s what happened:

Picture a cold and foggy San Francisco summer morning. My eldest is on summer vacation and my youngest is supposed to go to preschool, but it’s so cold, foggy and I’m reckless not even suspecting that evil is lurking right under the surface so I tell her she’s going to play hooky stay home.

We go about our snuggles and do like we do and then I decide we should go to Target because does anyone even need a reason to go to Target? We get in the car giddy with delight because if I’ve done anything right as a parent it is that I am raising two Target-loving consumers (I consider it my legacy to them—NOT).

ALSO READ: That Time My Daughter Told Everyone Her Mother Has a Penis

We get to Target and take it one aisle at a time. I have a list of things we “need” to buy because I ashamed to say I’ve gone to Target before to buy something I “need” before and have come back with bags full of everything except the one item I went to buy.

As we’re strolling through the aisles, I spot some My Little Pony bandages and being the thoughtful mother of a 4-year-old band aid enthusiast, I grab a tin and toss them in the cart.

When we get back home, my daughters take off to play and I am left to put away most of our Target haul. When I get to the tin of bandages I unwrap the protective plastic covering the outside of the container and I notice writing that says “BONUS STICKERS INCLUDED!” I’m about to call out to my youngest daughter to give her the stickers at pretty much the same time that I’m reaching into the tin to get them out, but when I see the stickers I don’t call out. It’s like my voice lost all it’s power. Like the stickers have made the sound of my voice disappear.

Now that I have lost the power of speech, I stand there silently admiring these adorable little stickers and think of how cute they would look in my planner and I do the unthinkable, I steal the stickers that should have gone to my daughter and keep them for myself.

I know, it’s awful. I told you I’m not proud, but what’s done is done. I stole stickers from my daughter and I might do it again if the stickers are cute enough. I’m not a monster though, she can keep any ugly “bonus” stickers that come inside of other junk I buy. It’s not like I steal stickers to steal stickers, nope, they have to be cute so I can use them in my planner.

ALSO READ: Check out My New Planner (←This is the planner I stole for!)

Have you ever stolen from a child? You can tell me, I won’t judge.