By Claudya

Funny San Francisco Latina Blogger

I Am Mentally Ill, But You Would Never Know If I Didn’t Tell You (The Flying Chancla Report)

Claudya Martinez

Hola Chulas y Chulos! Normally, my flying chancla and I do our best to bring you stories that will make you laugh, but today we’re going to get serious about mental health for a few of reasons:

  • Something happened yesterday to me that has mental health on the forefront of my thoughts. 
  • This is being written on April 7, which happens to be World Health Day and the World Health Organization (WHO) has a year-long campaign going on that focuses on depression. 
  • I have personal experience with depression and other mental disorders and illnesses. 

Here’s what happened yesterday: I had a total meltdown caused by a too abrupt dose decrease in the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) medication that I take for depression and anxiety disorder.

Before you lecture me about how I shouldn’t change my medication dose on my own, please know that this change was discussed with and approved by my doctor before I attempted it. I have tried to decrease and go off of my meds on my own in the past and I will NEVER do it again; it ended BADLY. I do not recommend anyone try to wean themselves off of SSRIs without a doctor’s supervision.

The thing is that with these medications, you don’t necessarily feel the changes right away because they stay in your body for a while. The meltdown crept up on me. I was fine the first couple of days I changed my dose, then the next few days I started getting grouchier and easily irritated and on Thursday cue the tears, anxiety, shakiness and freak out. 

I am happy to report that things are feeling much better today. As luck would have it, I had an appointment with my doctor shortly after my meltdown and I went back to taking my previous dose and already feel mucho mejor. Still, that meltdown left me shaken because I came face to face with the stigma of having a mental illness AGAIN. 

ALSO READ: What Anxiety Disorder Feels Like to Me

Freakin’ stigma is always around the corner when you have a mental illness. That stigma sucks and is wrong because it keeps people from getting help or it does what it does to me: it makes me constantly want to decrease my meds so that I can eventually go off them because OH MY GOD THE STIGMA of being one of those people who pops a pill to be happy. 

Let me be very clear: the pills that I take do not make me happy, they aren’t magic. What they do is make it so that I don’t CONSTANTLY have to be dealing with anxiety. I still feel all the emotions, I’m just not always anxious and having panic attacks. They make it so that I can, through therapy, work on coping mechanisms and rewire my brain. I can’t do that work when I am in full-blown panic mode all the time. Now, with the help of medication, I can do the work. And believe me, I do the work. 

I finally have insurance that covers therapy. For the first time in my life I have the help I’ve needed for freakin’ decades. All health coverage should cover mental health because mental health is part of your overall health. 

I talk openly about my mental health issues because when they were at their worst, ending up in the emergency room because I wanted to throw myself in front of traffic to make it stop kind of worst, I felt so incredibly alone and ashamed. But I’m not alone and I don’t want anyone who has mental health issues to feel alone or not seek help because of the stigma and shame.


Approximately, 1 in 5 people in the U.S. suffer from mental illness. I’m not a mathematician, but by my calculations that’s a shit ton of us. We are everywhere and look like anyone. We hide in plain sight and you might never know what we go through because it’s not OK (yet) to talk about our mental health issues. We’re justifiably worried that our conditions will be used against us at work, when applying for insurance, in relationships and in general. That’s why so many of us suffer in silence and do our best to hide the symptoms. 

ALSO READ: This Is What I’m Really Like: I Had a Panic Attack on My Way to See Cantinflas

If you suffer from depression or any mental disorder or illness, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I will be blunt and tell you that people who stigmatize you or try to shame you for getting the help you need (medication included), don’t know what they are talking about.

I say this because before I suffered from the worst of it, I was one of those people who thought taking medication was a cop out, I was wrong. When the shit hit the fan for me, medication saved me. Not to be dramatic or anything, but I’m not sure I would still be around if I didn’t start taking it when I did. It’s not that I ever wanted to commit suicide, but then again I did want to run out into traffic to stop the mental, emotional and physical pain of it all.

Let’s educate ourselves about mental health. Let’s take the stigma away. Let’s support those who need support. 

I’m grateful to the WHO for their campaign to educate people on worldwide depression. You can follow and contribute to the #LetsTalk conversation on social media. Here are just a few tidbits about depression…

It’s a global issue. 

ALSO READ: I Have Panic Disorder

We are losing our young to depression.

The death toll is astounding. 

More women than men suffer from depression. 

Talking about it is crucial. 

Depression does not discriminate. 

There is help, there is hope. 

New moms are at risk. 

Our elderly are susceptible. 

The stigma has to end so that everyone who needs help can get it in a timely manner. 

If you suffer from depression, please get help. If you are considering suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

That’s it for this week’s The Flying Chancla Report. I love you mucho and remember, spread love, not chanclazos!

The Flying Chancla Report

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