I have panic disorder, which means I sometimes get panic attacks. Panic attacks simply suck. They do not help me function in life or increase the quality of my life.
I was in my 20’s when I had my first panic attack, but I had no idea that’s what was going on. I was at work and I thought I was having a heart attack. I said this to a coworker that I happened to be dating at the time and after work he took me to the emergency room. It turns out I was not having a heart attack, but no other explanation was offered, so I left just being relieved that my heart was okay.
Most of the time I have been and am fine. I don’t seem to get panic attacks during stressful situations when I need to stay calm. They happen for no good reason, usually when I am sleeping. I will go from a very peaceful slumber to being jolted out of bed by panic. Sometimes I can calm myself down, other times I need the help of medication. Sometimes, just knowing that I can take the medication if I need it calms me down.
My first pregnancy was full of panic attacks. Something about the hormones in my body just kept triggering them. I thought I was losing my mind and that I would never be okay again. Turns out this happens to quite a few women. I was lucky to get help.
For the longest I’ve been okay. Sure I have anxiety issues, but I haven’t had a full-blown panic attack until the other night. I’ve been having so many health issues and this is a trigger for me. I woke up in the middle of the night freaking out and ready to run sprints up and down my hallway.
ALSO READ: What Anxiety Disorder Feels Like to Me
The thing that really sucks about panic attacks is that just thinking about them can trigger them. The longer I go without having them, the better I do. Since I just recently had one, I find myself terrified of having another one, which makes my chest tighten and so on and so forth. The last few days I have been tip toeing around myself.
I know I will get through this. I have tools, skills, strategies, medicine, and support. Still it sucks. It sucks for me and it sucks for my husband. It is hard for someone that does not have these issues to be understanding of someone that does. He is great and helps me every time, but I can see how draining it is for him and how little sense it makes. Things that he can just shake off, I can not. I can not soothe myself in the same way that he does. I can not reason it away.
I know he loves me just the way that I am, but sometimes I wish I didn’t come with so many issues. I am not feeling sorry for myself or my husband, I am just acknowledging that we face a challenge. I am acknowledging that I am not the only one affected by my disorder.
So sorry, UM. Have you tried ‘unconventional’ (name given to medicinal practices/methods, by western doctors & insurance companies, that actually cure people of various diseases & disorders) forms of treatment? When I was strung out on steroids (due to Ulcerative Colitis) acupuncture completely eliminated the severe side-effects I was suffering with, from the roids. Very similar symptoms actually! I have a wonderful Chiropractor who turned me onto a fabulous acupuncturist (Dr. Kan). I’ll email you his number and you can talk to him and find out if he can do anything for ya. Good luck, UM 🙂
Thank you.
oh mami mami mami, the more i learn about you the more i love you! you are so wonderfully perfect the way you are. yes, pammypam suffers from anxiety and some other fun things. but panic attacks are the worst (have not had one but i’ve hard). please take care of yourself by not being so hard on UM. she is perfect the way she is.
Don’t worry about your man – I suspect he loves your weaknesses as much as your strengths, because that is who you are.
Scary stuff though – I’d have left you years ago ;-p
May I just say, that you are hilarious!
I love a person that can make me laugh.
yes you may
I’ve noticed that I have more anxiety than I can ever remember. Yesterday I had to return a defective DVD player and I was worried about the possible hassle. It went fine but it’s strange that I would even think about it. Years ago I won’t. Our brains are complex systems but I know yours produces some funny stuff. Do you think your problem is common among actors? All the best
No, I think my problem is common amongst people that have PTSD or a history of trauma.
thanks for answering – Life is being very unfair in a situation like this. Not only does one have to deal with actual traumatic event, they need to deal with the lasting effects on their mind. Thanks for sharing and all the best.
Panic Attacks are horrible. I’ve had one full fledged one…I don’t even want to imagine having multiple ones. 🙁
Ugh, I get them sometimes but it’s usually stress related or in certain driving situations.
Hang in there!
I’m sorry to hear that you suffer from these. My husband does, too. I know how scary they can be.
Oh I feel for you. I know what it’s like to simply not be able to calm my thoughts and feelings of anxiety. A full blown panic attack must be dreadful. I wish you peace, comfort and relaxation. Hugs to you.
oh i feel you on this…i had one in college that changed my life…or my lifestyle…scariest thing….ended up in the hospital…ugh
I was in a grocery store the first time I had one. It’s a miracle I didn’t have a heart attack from fear not knowing what was happening. I don’t know if it is relevant to you, but I seem to have them when my thyroid isn’t being well controlled, and now in the lovely age of menopause they are striking again. Obviously you aren’t menopausal 😉 but make sure that other metabolic changes aren’t partly to cause, i.e; thyroid etc.
such a hard thing to even talk about, kudos for doing it! does it feel like a heart attack? i have often wondered. see, i really want to know what it feels like because i get that heart racing, pounding in my chest, shortness of breath…. and it just scares me. it happens rarely, but my emotional reaction to the bodily issue doesn’t help me calm down.
your husband is amazing!!! at least he is helping and reaching out to you when you need him so much! that is great!
It does sort of feel like a heart attack. My chest tightens, my heart races, I can’t breath, there is far too much adrenaline in my body, I’m terrified….
Please take care Mami. Your husband is the balance, you might not realise it but his reactions are making things better for the both of you.
I realize that no one knows perfectly what or how someone else is feeling, but I do believe I understand this situation well. I worry and feel so badly that I put my family through the things I do. Yes, other than that I don’t know what to say. You strike a chord with me so often.
We all have our own issues that affect us all in different ways and to different extents. This unfortunately is yours, but I love that you know you can get through this. I can’t pretend to know what it feels like to have to live with these, but I feel for you. Being out of control and not being able to stop yourself sucks. Royally. But no matter what, you’re still awesome.
Tough stuff 🙁 It’s good that you are able to articulate how much your attacks suck, it’s good that you have support, and it’s good that you know what triggers your attacks (now, STOP thinking about panic attacks). But seriously, thinking of you 🙂 …
So sorry to hear that you are plagued by this. I pray that you will have peace and will no longer be bothered by these attacks.
It is. It seems that you are handling it the best you can. You married a wonderful person, by all accounts. Let him hold you, and wake up stronger, ready to use all your tools and talents.
I agree: Panic attacks suck. But, while they don’t increase the quality of your life or help you function better right now, surviving them DOES make you a stronger person. Plus, it gives you an excuse for being the outspoken, who-cares-what-anyone-else-thinks mamasita that you are =)
Ooh vicious cycle. Your poor body’s just going through so much, I can totally see why an old ghost like that would come back to haunt you now, but wow – it really couldn’t pick a more unwelcome time to visit, eh?
I just want to tell you that you are amazing. I wish there was something more helpful I could say. But, I just want to tell you that you seem amazingly brave and strong.
Best,
Tina
Thank you. I don’t feel that way. I feel weak and flawed.
I am so sorry to hear that but it sounds like you have been doing a wonderful job and have all the tools to help you through. I will pray that your do not have to experience any more but if you do it will be short lived. ((HUGS))
If my husband can accept my butt, then I’m sure your husband has no problem loving you with everything you bring to the table. 😉 Trust me on this. Have you seen my butt?
Thanks for sharing this. I had a panic attack last week – first one ever. I was already having trouble breathing, which really freaked me out; my heart started pounding, I almost passed out, thought I was having a heart attack. Three days later and a trip to the ER, turns out I have bronchitis, which accounts for the trouble breathing. There were other things causing me anxiety, and that combined with the lack of air…panic. Scary stuff.
Oh, I’m sorry. I have never had them, but I have a friend who has them often. I know how stressful they are. Hang in there!
Oh Sweetie, I too suffer from Panic and Anxiety Attacks. I used to take Lorazapam for them but now I dont need to. It is very hard to learn how to cope with them when they can be such an overwhelming sensation you almost stop breathing. I was fine during pregnancy and have only had 3-4major attacks since Youngling was born 2 years ago. Thinking of you and well done for openly acknowelging these issues. 🙂 xx
I can relate to your husband loving you and living with you and your disorder. My hubby has bipolar disorder and it is part of our family. We deal with it. Your description of the anxiety after an attack that keeps you on pins and needles waiting for the next attack is what strikes me most in your post. Panic attacks are real and they are draining.
That has to be so hard!!! You’ve married a good man…and he a great woman!!
Panic disorders suck, but we all have issues.
Max out your meds
You have great boobs and great hair. That counts for something, right? 🙂
xoxoxo
Ciao all the best for 2011.
I am back at last catching up on all the posts I missed while I was away from computing while on an extended trip to the UK. From reading your recent posts it certainly seems like you have been going through a down period in your life. I truly hope things get better for you during 2011. Stay strong.
Thank you for sharing this with such openness and a honesty. I too sometimes wonder how FM and I get through some of my not-so-good days, but we do. I try not to feel sorry for myself or for him or push him away, but sometimes I can’t help but ask myself, “What the hell is he still doing here?” after I’ve had a spectacular meltdown of some sort.
Yay for the ones who always stand beside us. – G
You’re definitely not alone out there, and I suspect your husband loves you for everything that you are!
So sorry to hear that. I get panic attacks during stressful situations, too, rarely though.
You are awesome, and a tough spirit, and I’m sure you will get through this and anything you cope with, and that’s why I love you.
Have a great day!
B xx
Me too. Not the panic attacks…but the issues. I have so bloody many. What the heck is wrong with me? I hope you have a panic attack free remainder of your pregnancy and LIFE. Love, Becky
So sorry to hear that! I sometimes get that when I’m in crowds or speaking. It usually only happens when I imagine things going wrong. I’ve learned how to correct my thinking and it gets better. Sounds like your Unknown Papi is always there for you, and you’re a lucky girl.
I have panic attacks, too. It’s hard for everyone.
It’s always good to know you’re loved no matter what when you’re dealing with something like this. You’re so smart and thoughtful I know you’ll get through it. I also know it’s so difficult to go through something so….seemingly neverending. I’ll be thinking of you.
Unless you’ve had a panic attack, you really can’t appreciate them. I’ve only had one, and that was plenty. I’m glad you have the supports you do.
sending you prayers and lots of hugs!!!!!
You, my friend, are a brave and noble woman who knows how to live life. When it’s easy and when it isn’t. I am proud to know you in a never having met sort of way. 🙂