Hola Chulas y Chulos! My chancla and I have gone all investigative journalism on you guys this week. We just had to when we found out that the nation is aflush in pink poop due to the appearance of limitted edition Peeps Oreos.
Earlier this month, I was in Long Beach, Calif. for the #WeAllGrow Summit (my chancla did not come along in case you are wondering) and a Peeps Oreo pusher who shall remain nameless…Maura…introduced me to Peeps Oreo cookies.
Now, I’m not that crazy about Peeps or Oreos, but I had to try them because I didn’t want to be rude and I ended up thinking they are SO GOOD. Like, “OH MY GAWD, how many can I shove in my mouth?!” kind of good. Let’s just say that when Peeps and Oreos get together, they are more delicious than the sum of their parts.
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Since I first partook of them, I have bought more and encouraged many to partake. Then the news broke that people who were eating entire packages of them were defecating the hottest pink poopsicles anyone has ever seen.
My roommate ate a whole pack of oreo Peeps and left a pink stain in the toilet.
— 🔥Issa Phoenix Force🔥 (@Barbeydahl) February 23, 2017
Could it perhaps be just a few isolated bowel movements?
Nope, nope. Eat a whole pack of Peeps Oreos and it will all come out bright pink in the end.
https://twitter.com/CocoCorriveau/status/841684553995567109
Now, not to get all Latina mom on you, but honestly quien les manda?! Regardless of whether they turn your caca pink or not, maybe it’s not the best idea to be eating a whole container of them. I mean they are good, but nobody needs that much sugar in one sitting.
Speaking of sitting. One company was pretty quick to take advantage of the situation.
We hear that #pinkpoop is now a thing. If it hits, don't worry, no one will hear a peep from us. https://t.co/MFKV7qby0p
— Charmin (@Charmin) March 2, 2017
Now, here is where the investigative journalism that I spoke about earlier comes in. I didn’t want to eat an entire package of cookies to lay my eyes on some of this pinktastic poop that people were talkin’ about, but I was curious how many Peeps Oreos it would take for me, a not-so-small grown woman, to poop in vivid fushia.
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I ate four cookies one day and I was still seeing brown. The next day I ate an entire row of cookies (there are seven in each row) and that’s what it took to see pink. I will spare you a pic because poop is poop even if it is pink.
Conclusion: You are just a handful of glitter away from being a unicorn.
Honestly, I wasn’t appalled. Maybe because I already knew of this potential side effect and was expecting it. I was, however, tempted to throw some glitter on it and call myself a unicorn because surely unicorns make adorable piles of pink glittery poop.
Also, there was collateral pink poopage experienced by family members. I was not planning on using my kids as guinea pigs in my experiment, but my youngest who is 6 years old caught a case of the pinks after eating just three cookies.
If you would like to make your own DIY pink poop, you best go buy you some Peeps Oreos before they are gone.
That’s it for this week’s The Flying Chancla Report. I love you mucho and remember, spread love, not chanclazos!
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