The Flying Chancla Report: Word to Your Madre

This week’s The Flying Chancla Report is dedicated to your mother, to all madres. Why? Because let’s not even try to pretend that there is anything going on right now that is more important than Mother’s Day. Say it in Spanish with me: Día de las Madres es muy importante!

Keep in mind that my chancla and I want you to show respect, kindness and appreciation to mothers all year long, but if you and your lazy pompis can’t remember that year-round then at least make an effort now to be nice to mothers on Mother’s Day. Oh, and my chancla and I think you should be nice to all mothers not just yours. It’s called “Mother’s Day,” not “Only Your Mother’s Day.” Deal with it, suck it up and HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all the madres of the world.

If you don’t understand why you should appreciate your wonderful mamacita, here are some reasons why (these reasons apply to Latina moms and perhaps Mexican moms in particular, but they work for other mothers too)…

She loves you so much she would do anything for you including insulting herself.

She taught you how to DIY before DIYing was cool.

She’s no dummy and she didn’t raise one either. You aren’t about to overpay for snacks at the movies when you can bring the good stuff in your bolsa. Concessions are for rich gringos.

ALSO READ: 13 Tweets That Perfectly Describe #GrowingUpMexican

Qué yoga ni qué nada, you calm yourself down at the site of a chancla real quick.

You are very polite and well-mannered because of her.

Her bedtime stories are the stuff of legends. Terrifying legends that kept you in bed even if you had to pee because “ay qué miedo!”

ALSO READ: Shit White Girls Say…to Mexican Girls

You are great at following through because you know that when something is expected of you and you flake, there are consequences.

You don’t have to go to the Container Store to buy extra storage or hooks for the pots and pans that don’t fit in your kitchen cabinets because your mami taught you where they go.

Thanks to your mami, you are really good at sprinting in the rain.

ALSO READ: 10 Signs You’ve Turned into Your Latina Mom

You’re pretty sure your mother invented the concept upcycling or reusing.

She kept you from eating too much fast food whether you wanted her to or not.

You know that if you really want something and can’t afford it right now, you can save for it.

ALSO READ: Where I’m From

Thanks to your mother you understand that time is relative.

She helped you develop your ear so that you can tell when someone is yelling at you without raising their voice. It’s totally in their tone.

 

She taught you that there are times you need to shut your mouth and cut your losses.

Now, go call your mother and tell her you love her!

That’s it for this week’s The Flying Chancla Report. I love you mucho and remember, spread love, not chanclazos!