One of the things my mother and I really enjoy doing together is segundiando (thift store shopping). My mother has been taking me to segundas (thrift stores) before I can even remember. When I visit her in San Diego we always have at least one day where we drive around to different segundas.
Another thing I really enjoy doing with my mother is eating. On one visit my mother wanted to take me to a restaurant that had great seafood and then we would hit up some segundas. The food at the restaurant was great! I had camaron al mojo de ajo (garlic shrimp) and loved it. Then we were off to a new to me thrift store.
The thrift store promised to be good and I was particularly excited because other than my mother and me, there was only one other customer there (she happened to be in a wheelchair). I love it when I have a store to myself and can take my time going through all the racks. Everything was fine until I started to feel a rumble in my belly. Not good.
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The rumble would not go away. It kept building and building and I knew that eventually that rumble was going to escape my body in the form of gas. I was trying so hard to keep it in and continue shopping, but it was becoming painful. Remember the store was almost empty. I decided to stay as far away as possible as I could from my mother and the other customer. I would find an empty aisle and surreptitiously fart. Luckily, they were silent, but most definitely deadly. I started to feel some relief, but every time I let one rip, the woman in the wheelchair would come rolling down the aisle and I would be so mortified that I would quickly move to another aisle. After this happened a few times, I decided I just couldn’t hang anymore and I told my mother I needed to go.
We left the store, got into the car and as we drove up to the light at the corner, the woman in the wheelchair was crossing the street right in front us. That’s when the following conversation took place… (keep in mind my mother has a thick accent)…
My Mami: Dat womin is eSICK!
Me: What do you mean?
My Mami: Chee hab esomething die in her estomach. Chee FARK so much een de estore and eat esmell like cheet!
Me: (At this point I’m laughing hysterically because my mother is blaming this poor woman who was just as much a victim of my farts, maybe even more because the poor thing was in a chair that put her right in the line of fire for my intestinal issues.)
My Mami: Don laff. It esmell SOOO bad!
Me: (still laughing)
My Mami: Why you laff? Chee make me want to throw up!
Me: (through laughter) it was me!
My Mami: Qué, qué?
Me: It was me. I was farting.
My Mami: Oh no, poor womin! You make her esmell that? You need to go to the doctor. You are esick!
Me: (laughing some more)
My Mami: No, mi’ja. Really, you esick.
Moral of the story: Do not eat garlicky seafood before shopping.
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OMG! I am dying. That is so funny. The worst feeling ever! I walked through someone's second hand fart the other day and it was pretty gross. That poor woman! But you gotta do what you gotta do I guess. That reminded me of the Sex in the City movie when Charlotte pooped her pants in Mexico. Ha ha ha!
That is so freaking funny! You had me in tears.
That is hilarious! Hope the farting has stopped now…
I love reading your mom's accent… I can't help but want to read it outloud. I swear after almost everything i eat I have IBS, I just explode. My system just isn't what it used to be!
LOL. Man, that just made my day. Priceless.
Oh my… Thanks for my first laugh of the day… my husband blames the dog
That is hilarious!
I love me a good fart story!!!! That poor woman in the wheelchair!
Omg I was laughing so hard I'm crying!
Great story and great accent! One of my girlfriends would drive to Encinitas for breakfast and then do all the thrift stores there. Hubby and I lived in South Park so we would do thrift stores in North Park and then do lunch. There are hundreds of them in San Diego area aren't there? My older daughter and her family still live there but she is not the thrift store junkie that I am. Too bad. Of course I live so far from them now that we can only tell each other the great treasures we find anyway. Hers are at regular stores and my treasures are from thrift stores. Is your mom excited about the next grandchild on its way?
LOL! Next time I go with your mother! I bet she's great company for segundas which I like too! 🙂
Oh my goodness that is so funny! but even funnier that your mom blamed the poor woman. LOL
Oh My Word……you just made me laugh so hard I was wheezing.
Girl . . . Garlic and onion do it to me . . .
I will be laughing all the rest of the day. thanks.
🙂
Great story thanks to the way in which you wrote your mother's lines. Just wonderful, thank you for making me laugh.
I love it when I hear her voice. She is comedy gold, every time. Note to self: When I meet UM someday, no garlic shrimp. Especially when she's prego. Oy vey.
The tears are streaming down my face, I'm laughing so hard! I think I would love your mami if I met her.
Those of us with no gall bladders know what you espeak about! Everything, and I mean everything makes me fart, especially if I have to bend over to pick something up. Whoa!
You are too funny! Thank you for making my day!
Liz
Hahahah, you certainly know how to get a laugh. 😉
Steven Anthony
http://manndish.blogspot.com/
hahahahahaha! omg hahaha!
LOL. Silent yet deadly. those are viper farts.
You have no idea how much I laughed the entire time I was reading this post. I hardly ever do that, but girl, you got me good with this one!
Good to read some funny stuff from you.
Sharing your gas with the public is embarrassing to point of trading off which pain you want to endure.
I try to get rid of mine in the morning before I go anywhere. They can be heard through walls. Too bad we can't get some useful energy from them.
I'm cryin I'm laughing so hard!!!
Omg…I was cracking up over here!! Second hand farts are indeed nasty…and usually I'm the one left standing there with people looking at me like I did it!
I am laughing hysterically! I love how you wrote your mother's accent, and I love her response! I have a couple of strategies for gas: #1, blame it on my shoe squeaking. #2, blame it on my kids or husband. There have been a couple of times when I couldn't do either of those, so I just said, “I'm really sorry, I just farted.” One of those times was when I was teaching 9th graders…and it turns out they didn't even hear it, so I totally outed myself!
You know, I usually pass on fart stories (no pun intended) but I am so glad I didn't miss this one! You are absolutely hysterical Mami– and your Mom too. Ha!
I'm taking a could weeks off blogging for vacation and catching up on summer. I'll be back September 1st with hopefully lots of SIMC pictures! Until then, have fun– and stay away from the garlic shrimp 😉
xo jj
I always love it when you do your mom's accent but this is the best EVER! I'm cracking up!
Stop!! I can't breathe….from laughing….my stomach….you're killing me…
Oh my goodness!!! Thanks for the laugh this morning!!! I love your mom's accent! It reminds me of my family.
I had to read it again….Still funny. Laughing till I cried…..thanks…..
My husband would say that's what's wrong with women, they own up to their gas issues. He'd say we should take a page from the guys and keep passing the blame.
I also wanted to let you know that I have given you the Beautiful Blogger award. You can pick it up at the following post:
http://vmsehyphotography.blogspot.com/2010/08/i…
Ohmahell…Seriously….tears and lauging right now. You poor thing. Prego farts are the worst! Your mom is so funny.
You're a much better person than me….I would have blamed the gal in the wheelchair.
Best,
Tina
OH MY GOSH! I read it just like your mother would say it. SO funny. SO, SO funny!
You kill me.
LOL! Oh my good lord, that is funny!
My mom drug me to the thrift stores too. It made me feel so poor and cheap. Much different than your experience.
OMG! Laughing and crying, here. I have already linked this up for Saturday Sampling, cuz it's funny as CHEET!
I can't stop laughing….
Thank you!
Still funny
I really felt it was necessary to come back to tell you my husband and I just read it together and we were both laughing. Still laughing to tears.
You are too funny! I don't think I've ever gotten so many repeat visits to one post. Thank you!
That's Hilarious!!! I just love it when I let one slip out and my youngest can't let it go…keeps putting his hand to his nose and pointing to my butt. Okay kid I get it!
LMAO. Been there, done that. The quiet ones seem to be the deadliest too.
This was a great story and reminded me of another one! My MIL, FIL, DH, my 8.5 month old baby and I were in the car traveling to a zoo. We had quite a while to go before we got to the zoo and I am starting to smell the tell-tale sign of poop in a diaper or poop to come. I said, “Oh no, I think Tyler just made poop. We are going to have to pull over and change his diaper or it is only going to get worse.” Then my MIL says, “Um, it's not him…it's me.” I was so embarrassed, but she probably had me beat in that department!
Found you on Saturday Sampling. I'm your newest follower on your super awesome blog! This made me laugh!
KyAnn
http://checketts-myers-clan.blogspot.com
Thank you for the laugh. I feel you pain and have done the same thing. I just love the conversation you had with you mom.
Yep, still laughing to tears! Love this story.
pha ha ha ha I love it.
I just checked and as I suspected, I had a comment here from when you first posted this. But reading that dialog has me laughing again. Very funny story and thanks for recycling the laugh on LLL.
Oh don’t recycle the gas – not good.
too funny mami!
Mother/daughter conversations are almost always entertaining, but this one might be the best ever 🙂
Tears. Tears running down my face mostly from your writing out of your mom’s accent. Too Funny.
stumbled!
OMG! I love you for sharing this!
Hysterical! Still laughing so hard I don’t know what do…Hmmm., just kidding. I could just visualize your mama.
I just laff so hard!!! soo funny!!!
i just had gRLIC PRAWNS AND I DID THE WORST FARRT EVA. I SHAT MESELF.
I feel your pain (been there), but I’m glad I can’t smell your stink.
LOL!!!! Ay, I don´t even dare say …. 😀
OH. MY. GAWD!! Hysterical. Yeah, that’s never happened to me. Ever. *looks around innocently while twirling hair between fingers*
You just killed me! OMG! I Laughed so hard Of course, I heard it in my head as my Abuelita! Pobresita in the wheelchair….you may have killed her:)
OMG! Love the way you write your mom’s speech. And the farting…well….
Ha ha… that’s so funny!
okay, I’ve done the same with no one to blame. Now, I blame it on the kids…sorry pero not really! jajajaja
I let loose in thrift stores and then move quickly. I then quietly watch unsuspecting customers walk through. Two Indian women walked through one of my silent but deadlies and pulled their saris over their faces.
That’s hilarious. Probably not for your “victims” though, but funny to me and my husband who I just read your comment to.
Don’t know why thrift stores bring that out in me.