Welcome to another edition of I Comment Therefore I Am where I put together a post from comments I’ve left on other blogs. And we’re off…
While visiting life is a phoenix I learned about a few of the authors irrational fears and I was asked to share one of my own. Here it is:
I fear ordering pizza for delivery. I can’t do it. I always make someone else do it. I don’t fear ordering any other type of food.
Doreen wrote an excellent post about adult bullying. She made me realize that I had been bullied by an adult before, but for some reason I had never thought of it that way…
This was a great post. You made me think of a situation that I went through at work with a bully. I never thought of him as a bully before, just a jerk, but he was most definitely bullying me. I put up with it for awhile then I spoke up at a meeting and other people did too. When the people in charge tried to dismiss our claims, I kept speaking up. He was eventually fired. The odd thing is that the reason I spoke up was that I didn’t realize he was being so awful to other people as well. This was at a restaurant and he was belittling people that couldn’t express themselves well in English. When they spoke up, I had to translate for them and it made me so angry that after having the courage to speak out they would be dismissed. I just wasn’t having it. (Side note:It bothers me that I could not come to my own defense as readily as I came to the defense of others. Live and learn.)
Lady Fi got me to thinking about The art of forgiveness. I’d like to say that I have mastered the art, but that would be a big fat lie.
Forgiveness is something that I struggle with in just one area of my life. I can forgive most things and most people, but there is one person that I just can’t forgive. I don’t know how to reconcile forgiving them with still loving myself. I understand that it is a release, but I’m having a hard time forgiving the unforgivable.
That’s it for this edition of I Comment Therefore I Am.
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You said something…. “It bothers me that I could not come to my own defense as readily as I came to the defense of others.” and that really really hit home. I’ve been realizing that about myself… that I am better at defending others than myself. And it really does suck!
Thanks for the link. I’m going to visit the other posts too. Have a wonderful day!
I had to deal with a bully at work, too. She even brought a gun to work and showed it to me. My bosses did nothing and tended to blame me for speaking up. Next time I may bypass my supervisors and go straight to the police.
Hi Amiga, my life turned upside down today, I started chapter one of my novel for “National Novel Writing Month” (NaNoWriMo) . While I’m cutting back on some blogging activities because of this, I don’t plan to cut out this feature because I love doing it. I’m a bit upside down today, getting up early, staying up late etc.
Great post you’ve come up with. The thing about bullying is that it is important to stand your ground. You don’t have to be aggressive. I have been a bullying victim at several times throughout my life and I’ve often found that one of the most disconcerting weapons you can use on a bully is silence.
As for forgiveness, my Christian faith helps me with that. I’ve had a lot of stuff thrown at me which I initially thought would be impossible to forgive. Then it dawned on me that forgiveness is not mine to forgive. It’s God’s. One more thing, if I don’t forgive others what they’ve done to me, how can I expect God to forgive mean things I’ve done to others? I never set out to be mean but sometimes it happens without meaning to. We are all human. If we want to be treated with love and forgiveness ourselves, we must show that same love and forgiveness to others, even if we don’t always understand their reasons for their awful behaviour. And if I have a problem with forgiving, I tell God, please deal with that, because I can’t and I put it out of my mind.
Okay, sermon over LOL. I hope you are well and using that wonderful sense of humour of yours to get through the days. I pray that all is well with your world and with your family.
i keep telling myself i’m going to keep track of my comments. i’ve left some pretty awesome ones, and i swear… stuff that would make awesome posts! great idea.
and who knew adults could be bullies. i’ve always called them a*sholes, but bully make alot more sense!
Is the pizza thing related somehow to the language bully thing?
I don’t know why there are assholes and jerks out there but unfortunately we all run into them. Your story reminded me of an asshole at one job I had. It did help to learn that other people found problems with the jerk too.
Knowing how to speak multiple languages is a great achievement and I know you have benefited from it with some of your work. It’s good to know you are a good example to your child.
I had a bully issue at work. It was awful and if I was smart I would have stood up for myself, instead I ended up quitting the job a few months into it. I still have nightmares about her. (She was a teacher and I was a paraprofessional for her and a group of 6 other teachers). Two of the teachers did go to the principal and tell her that I was being treated VERY unfairly and after I quit one of the teachers did resign after she completed that year and she got a job elsewhere. I love how that teacher stood up for me by resigning her position.
I have trouble with forgiveness, too, but only sometimes. On some ocassions it comes easy -ish. Then sometimes I can’t do it and it lingers. It can be the same thing, too. No rhyme or reason.
My husband can NOT order food over the phone. He can do it in person, he can do it at the drive thru…but on the phone is a negatory.
I don’t waste my time and energy – I forgive and forget.
ps. it seems that redirecting problem came partly from SIMC Linky tools – people don’t have that problem anymore…Interesting…
I still can’t get to your site without being redirected and I am not using the SIMC linky to get to it. I’m going to try on another computer and let you know what happens.
If it is an issue with the linky, it didn’t happen on any other sites and it’s happening to me no matter how I try to get to you: directly or through the linky. I even went to your old blogger blog and clicked on the link there to get to you and I still got redirected.
Anyway, let me start the other computer and see if it’s just an issue I’m having on this computer.
i had the redirect problem yesterday but today it’s fine no problem it stays on the her post page. I’m using a mac with firefox. strange problem
Okay, I’m on a different computer and I still get redirected. I did not use the linky to get to you, I typed the address in directly. I’m using Firefox as my browser. I’m going to try Internet Explorer now.
Okay, I tried on Internet Explorer and got to your home page just fine without being redirected, but then when I clicked on your post about needing help to leave you a comment I was redirected to a greeting cards site.
I’m not having this issue with any other sites on either browser. I will delete your entry from the SIMC linky just to see if it helps, but again this isn’t happening for me on any other site that is linked up. Very strange.
The other thing is I’m on a PC, I wonder if the people that are able to get to you are on Macs of PCs. Maybe it’s something that PC’s are vulnerable to.
Sorry for the multiple emails.
nice. that was a great one by ladyfi…thought provoking…willl check out your other friends…
I recently had a run in with an adult bully. It is so true that girl who bully grow up to be women who bully. Some kids never grow up, sigh.
I’m terrified of using the telephone, period.
I wouldn’t say that I necessarily give good comment, but I give good other stuff…well, that’s what my husband says, but he kind of has to.
that is interesting you can’t order a pizza for delivery. there was a time when I was the “queen” in doing so, so much that when I went into the actual shop to pick up the pizza they commented “oh you are the one that lives on so and so drive” (because I tipped very well)
I understand the forgiveness thing and I struggle with that myself. I should know better especially at this stage of the game and the age of those I need to forgive but when they said something (even if it was out of ignorance and they didn’t really think of what they said) but to me it was unforgiveable, I do struggle with forgiving, let God forgave me. Such a dicotomy I am
hope you are well
betty
I totally hate ordering pizza and I have no rational reason. HA!
The ability to defend yourself and understand where your boundaries are being disrespected takes time and work to learn. It took me such a long time to see these things with my eyes wide open and then it took even more work to deal with it in a mature way and not retaliate.
Last time I was here, I totally missed your irrational fear of ordering pizza for delivery. How unusual! I love that though. Quirky!
What kind of dog do you have? You’ve been mentioning your dog more lately, and I don’t remember you doing that before so I’m curious!
I don’t mention her very often because technically she is not mine. She belongs to my BIL who lives with us, but I end up spending more time with her than he does and she sleeps with my husband and me. She is a chihuahua and jack russell terrier mix. She is very mellow and nice. I met her during my last pregnancy, which was really difficult and she took great care of me, never leaving my side.
I can relate to that forgiveness thing.
If to forgive is divine, how come it’s so hard for us to do??
Great post as usual. 🙂
B xx
That pumpkin from your previous post was so funny!!
Your comment about the bullying reminded me of one of my workplace experiences. I was being sexually harrassed by one of the other employees. Not physically, he’d just sit real close and say gross things. So I finally told my boss and said I’m going to have to sue the employee. My boss said you can’t, you have to sue me. Oh. However, my boss let me know that I was not the only person being harrassed. So that made me feel better. He said he’d do something about it. Well, the employee did not get fired until after I left. (I had signed up to go abroad, so it wasn’t over the harrassment.) When I got back, my friend that worked there told me they had fired him. When that happened, he went out to his car and got a gun. Another employee went out to talk him down and got a gun in his face for his trouble. Even after that, the person turned on themselves and threatened suicide. Finally, the other employee talked them down and got them to leave. Glad I avoided that drama.
It shows that you have a lot of compassion–that you were able to speak up for others when you didn’t for yourself.
forgiving the unforgivable….
I did it for me, not for them. “Not forgiving is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die.” I think Mark Twain said that. I know it was true in my case. I wasn’t hurting them but I was killing me. I’m worth more than that. So are you.
I love you, Mami but you already know that. 🙂