Before the holidays my husband took my daughters on a shopping expedition and with their help he picked out a few stocking stuffers for me, one of them a pair of Cookie Monster underwear. They’re cute, but not anything I or my husband would have chosen on our own, they were chosen by my daughters. Anyway, the holidays passed and I didn’t give the underwear much thought. They waited patiently in my drawer until it was their turn to be worn.
Then one day the following exchange happened between myself and my husband. Picture this happening as I’m in my bedroom wearing nothing but my chonies and getting dressed.
Him: (he walks into the bedroom, sees me and says in an incredibly annoying voice…) COOKIE MONSTER!
Me: That’s rude!
Him: (totally confused) No, it’s not! What are you talking about?
Me: (thinking… what am I talking about? I’m in my underwear you walk in here, see me and the first thing you think of doing is calling me a COOKIE Monster?! I know I’ve gained weight, but give me a freakin’ break. There are names I could call you too like Scratch My Balls Monster, but I refrain thank you very much. Ugh! …) COOKIE MONSTER?!
Him: Yeah, you’re wearing the Cookie Monster underwear we gave you, they’re cute.
And that’s why you should never give a woman Cookie Monster underwear or at least that’s why you shouldn’t give this woman Cookie Monster underwear.