I maybe sometimes loose my temper and morph into an atrocious monster that can only be described as a YELLING PARENT! Worst of all is that maybe sometimes I don’t even notice until…
Put Pie: Mama, I no like it when you yell at me.
Unknown Mami: I’m sorry.
Put Pie: It makes me feel very very sad when you yell at me.
Unknown Mami: Mi’ja, look at me. (making the sign for I’m sorry with hand over heart) I’m sorry. Perdon.
Put Pie: It makes me very very upset when you yell at me.
Unknown Mami: You’re right, I shouldn’t yell at you. I am going to try my very best not to yell when I get upset. If I forget, you can remind me by saying…”Mami en esta casa no gritamos. We do not yell in this house.” Okay?
Put Pie: Okay.
Unknown Mami: Ven aqui. (holding Put Pie and looking her in the eyes) So, what should I do when you are misbehaving and I need to scold you?
Put Pie: You can just tell me without yelling.
When she’s right she’s right. Yelling has never been a parenting tactic that I wanted to use. Let’s be clear, I’m not really “yelling”, but my voice has most definitely been louder and screechier than she is used to. I haven’t been raising my voice at her because I think it is an effective form of discipline, I’ve been doing it because
- I’m tired.
- I’m exasperated.
- I’ve lost my cool.
- I have no patience left.
It happens, I know. I don’t expect myself to be perfect, but I also don’t want my vocal tantrums to become something I do without thinking; I don’t want them to be habitual. I don’t want my children to have memories of me as a loud screechy mother. I know how to be stern when I need to be without yelling and my sterness is always more effective than any yelling can be.
So how do you stop yelling at kids?
You just stop. I don’t yell at people when I’m at work or when I’m irritated at the airport. I don’t have a compulsion to yell most of the time. There really is no reason why I should be yelling at my children in anger. If someone yelled at me just because they were irritated, I’d call them on it.
My daughter called me out and she was right. It’s hard for kids to raise good parents.
It’s just so easy to yell, and it it has no real impact either. My mother was a screamer and it still makes me shudder to think about it now.
It’s hard being a parent sometimes! My dad was a softie but my mom had a temper sometimes, and all it did was make me afraid of her.
Children have a way of bringing out the best, and at times, the worst in us. The fact that Put Pie felt comfortable calling you out on the “yelling” says that you are doing just fine.
Its not easy, especially when they get to the age where they choose not to listen. The voice naturally raises first to be sure you’ve been heard then you lose it.
In my family, it is the facial expressions I refer to when I say “don’t yell at me!” and the other person would say “but I wasn’t yelling?” and I’d say “well your face was!” because I rely on body language to gauge someone’s mood.
You’ve got a smart put pie on your hands.
One thing that helps me is when I tell the kids to do something and they don’t respond accordingly I will then count it out, “Joey, go to the potty ONE. Joey, go to the potty TWO…….” This usually continues and gets slightly louder and more firm every number higher. Oddly enough I don’t think I’ve ever made it to five.
I can totally relate. One of mine has called me out for yelling, too. I find that if I focus on giving them choices then there is less tension in the house, all of which helps me not to yell. We’re doing our best and you’re a great mom! If Put Pie is telling you how she feels then it means she still trusts you, which means you’re a great mom the majority of the time.
Anger management – it’s not easy for many people. Those are very sad regretful events. Other’s perspectives are helpful even those of little children. all the best.
Love it. I try not to yell, but sometimes my children make me twitch so much I forget not to. Shame on me, I know. My best weapon though is the countdown. Instead of yelling I explain what needs to be done and if there isn’t a response, I start with 5-4-3-2 and it’s usually on the move before then. Oh, and I noticed I tend to yell more when I’m being lazy and not supervising directly but instead in another room or preoccupied with something else and not appropriately and directly addressing them. Such a good reminder :s Yay, Put Pie!
Love that- you just stop. I never ever thought I would be a yeller and could not stand it if I heard a parent yelling, but then I had a new baby and a two-year-old and suddenly I found myself yelling. Most of the time I do really good, but I do slip sometimes too and I hate it
Hey Claudya! This is sobering stuff. We could all do with a little more cool. Indigo x
Don’t be so hard on yourself. We all lose it from time to time. It’s taken me 11 kids and numerous foster kids to tone down the yelling. I’m pretty low key now, but I remember those days with tiny ones. It’s so easy to yell when you’re at your wits end. When it happens again, just take a breath, or seven, and try to start over. But also, there are times when a raise in your voice is what has to be done.
🙂 Very well said. I am not the yelling type either, but that tired-exasperated cycle does overwhelm me sometimes. I am very grateful to be blessed with a child who never yells. If i get irritated at something he didn’t do, he immediately says, oh, sorry, I meant to and hugs me. And thus ends the matter – in cuddles. I cringe when I hear people shout. It is not difficult to be sweet and calm 😀 I must tell Vidur he’s raising a loving parent. Thank you – lovely post!
Count to ten before you speak. 🙂
It is so easy to become angry and yell. I know I am guilty of that one.
Put Pie is one smart cookier!
I hear ya…even without the yelling…I don’t want my children’s memories to be of me yelling, alas, I’m too late I think, for sure with my oldest two. The two youngest might have a chance if I can get some rest, some patience, and some time to myself. So yeah….my kids are going to have crappy memories of me…sigh…maybe if I yell in Spanish it’ll sound prettier?
I stopped yelling at them years ago.
SILENCE is so much more scary for them! *insert evil laugh here*
mark twains dad died when he was 11
You are right.