I maybe sometimes loose my temper and morph into an atrocious monster that can only be described as a YELLING PARENT! Worst of all is that maybe sometimes I don’t even notice until…
Put Pie: Mama, I no like it when you yell at me.
Unknown Mami: I’m sorry.
Put Pie: It makes me feel very very sad when you yell at me.
Unknown Mami: Mi’ja, look at me. (making the sign for I’m sorry with hand over heart) I’m sorry. Perdon.
Put Pie: It makes me very very upset when you yell at me.
Unknown Mami: You’re right, I shouldn’t yell at you. I am going to try my very best not to yell when I get upset. If I forget, you can remind me by saying…”Mami en esta casa no gritamos. We do not yell in this house.” Okay?
Put Pie: Okay.
Unknown Mami: Ven aqui. (holding Put Pie and looking her in the eyes) So, what should I do when you are misbehaving and I need to scold you?
Put Pie: You can just tell me without yelling.
When she’s right she’s right. Yelling has never been a parenting tactic that I wanted to use. Let’s be clear, I’m not really “yelling”, but my voice has most definitely been louder and screechier than she is used to. I haven’t been raising my voice at her because I think it is an effective form of discipline, I’ve been doing it because
- I’m tired.
- I’m exasperated.
- I’ve lost my cool.
- I have no patience left.
It happens, I know. I don’t expect myself to be perfect, but I also don’t want my vocal tantrums to become something I do without thinking; I don’t want them to be habitual. I don’t want my children to have memories of me as a loud screechy mother. I know how to be stern when I need to be without yelling and my sterness is always more effective than any yelling can be.
So how do you stop yelling at kids?
You just stop. I don’t yell at people when I’m at work or when I’m irritated at the airport. I don’t have a compulsion to yell most of the time. There really is no reason why I should be yelling at my children in anger. If someone yelled at me just because they were irritated, I’d call them on it.
My daughter called me out and she was right. It’s hard for kids to raise good parents.