It’s always meant a partnership to me as well as watching each other’s backs. I have to be honest here and say that lately I feel like I’m more of a mom than a wife. Things seem very much like I take care of everyone and there is no partnership. Tough stuff.
Marriage is the phrase ‘this to shall pass’ personified (i’m positive that’s not the right word, but I’m too lazy to go find it) The good times, the bad times, the anger, the happiness, the rich, the poor, the down, the up, the smiles, the tears- it all passes. And then all you have left is each other. Marriage is loving your spouse regardless of the current circumstance, because that too shall pass.
September 9, 2009 1:05 PM
Kathy B! said…
A marriage is like an onion. I From the hot and heavy days of it’s infancy to the quiet contentment of old age. Each stage brings a new layer and a new complexity. There is a growing period at each stage that enables that provides foundation for future growth. So maybe a marriage is more like a house than an onion? You get the idea!
Marriage is a union of two people who love each. They choose to live together till death separates them. That´s the simple answer. How it works out in real life is not so simple. We just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary yesterday. But the day before that, we had a huge fight as well. On the morning of our anniversary, there was still an uncomfortable silence. But I kissed him and wished him a “Happy Anniversary” and at lunch he surprised me with the biggest and most beautiful bouquet of flowers. All was well again. It´s an up and down, and I´m sure you will reach a compromise with your hubby too. Remember the good and forget the bad. 🙂
You only understand it after you’ve lived it. You are giving your whole self to your spouse and accepting all of them in return. I believe we are to help each other become better versions of who we are, growing together in faith & love. But that’s NOT always easy, sometimes challenging, sometimes you challenge each other, but in the end always worth it if you remember those vows & why you got married in the first place. If all it is legal ease then you miss the reason to make it work and to be together. I can fill out paperwork with anybody, but to really let my guard down & give all of who I am to somebody that’s a leap of faith that your spouse & you do daily. btw–I really like what the pps wrote. beautiful.
September 9, 2009 2:24 PM
SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said…
i am not a good one to ask b/c i despise the institution, and yes, i am married. i am not one of those bloggers – I AM MARRIED TO MY BEST FRIEND AND COMPLETE AND TOTAL LOVE LOVE LOVE OF MY LIFE good for you sweetie – now pass me the barf bag what marriage means to me – it means having someone annoy you for sex every 5 minutes. and b*tch that you don’t make spaghetti often enough. so there. happy?
Marriages are made in heaven, I agree. But the little devils that we are, we tend to take it for granted after a while. So, in my opinion, marriages are to be built, shaped and crafted well with the passing of time for it to remain intact. It needs your efforts in it in many ways. After all, even if your that kindled spirits, you are two different people and differences between you are never avoidable. More than being tolerant to one another, you need to look at one another just like in the times you first met. Now, don’t tell me this is impossible. You had been there and done that before and why not act a little matured now? You had been anxious to know the other person better. Why not take this opportunity to him/her even better. After all, it’s all worth that, isn’t it? It’s so very easy to break things but all the more difficult to put back the pieces. You loved each other and that’s why you got married. Now, after all these years, please do not forget the love that you once shared. Ah! I seem to be the one to have given the longest lecture till now. And guess what? I’ve never been married. At least, never in the legal sense! And though it was a love relationship that I lost, I feel as if I’m a divorcee!!!
Excellent question. I wish I had an excellent answer; if I did perhaps things would be more “excellent” as I too am finding myself a bummed out wife too lately. So how’s THAT for TMI from a stranger. I suppose I should make myself sound slightly more interesting in my very first comment, but hey. I got nuthin’. Sorry sorry sorry.
This is a great format for this question! I answered the same question and will post it tomorrow. Hope you don’t mind if I steal your idea of having my commenters answer the same question! Hope things are better for you soon.
Is it going around? It’s not so much of a honeymoon over here right now either. It’s a give and take, it’s an ongoing honest dialogue, it’s a special intimacy, it’s shared experiences, it’s a forever commitment, it’s a hug, it’s a smile, it’s security, it’s love.
September 9, 2009 4:51 PM
Traci said…
Wow! It’s a good question to consider for myself. While I would never call myself an expert, here is my go… Marriage is love that stands when it is easy and when it is not easy. It’s the commitment that rises above the momentary hurts and frustrations. For me, it is the reason to revel in the passion when it is there and keep working when it is work. To paraphrase Kathleen Turner (I think), it’s loving each other when you don’t feel in love. She said that at times both she and her husband had fallen out of love but never at the same time and that was the secret to her long marriage. I have been married almost 15 years and we’ve been together for the better part of 22 years. We have had tugh times, but mostly good times. Most importantly, however, I always loved him. Was that too long of an answer?
September 9, 2009 5:12 PM
Aunt of 14 said…
WOW, OK, so let’s see. What does marriage mean to me? I am 37 years old, never been married. Been engaged once, been in love twice… I envision marriage to be an alliance between two people who love eachother very very much. They share responsibilities. They share the good and the bad. They are companions till death do you part. You can fight with eachother and know (trust) the marriage won’t crumple because of it. Fighting is a learning process, its GOOD for you sometimes. It teaches you a thing or two. I love how you typed out what your mom said, LOL Okay, a marriage is about love, friendship, unity. Its about being one, but also being individuals who are together despite their differences. They stand up for and with eachother. Just… two people forever in love. Not just loving, but IN LOVE. Am I a dreamer?
September 9, 2009 5:55 PM
Peterson Family said…
I believe that marriage is about two people who love each other and respect each other. Some days will be harder than others and some days will be easier. It’s a lot of give and take and trying to find balance. But I just tell my husband that there is no one else in this world I would rather annoy until the day I die. (And he knows that I mean it!) I seriously do tell him that!
September 9, 2009 6:26 PM
FranticMommy said…
marriage means i love you…but I don’t always have to LIKE you.
September 9, 2009 7:10 PM
FranticMommy said…
p.s Cheer up U.M. The road of Life and marriage is always filled with bumps and potholes. You just learn how to navigate around them.
You and I both… Ive set up to have my answer post tomorrow. Check back for it… For me, marriage is so much. After I read my answers back, I felt kinda weird inside =/ I will say though, that for me, marriage isn’t always easy =)
September 9, 2009 7:59 PM
Crystal said…
Dude…were big ass fights in the stars for this week? We had ours on Saturday night – oh the fun. Right now, marriage to me is finding out more about myself so I can understand why I react to certain things my husband does, the way that I do. And working on myself, because I’m the only person I can change – learning to be more content and grateful for the good stuff, and dwell less on the bad stuff…which really isn’t THAT bad, more like annoying.
Good question. It means so many things. Putting each other first. Helping each other. Faithfulness. And forever.
September 10, 2009 12:06 AM
npplatypus said…
the joining together of two partners, learning together, loving together, fighting together. and never losing sight of “you” and “me” being individual beings in the joining of “we.”
September 10, 2009 1:50 AM
Mom of Three said…
I like Kathy B’s analogy to an onion. I don’t think I have a good answer to that. To me, marriage is a commitment from both parties to always be there for each other, to create a loving circle for children to be raised in, to be the primary school where we learn and are taught the life lessons of love and trust and friendship. We also learn how we deal with conflict, and what happens when you don’t play fair. It’s supposed to be where you create the family you weren’t born into. But it’s not always easy.
To me marriage means being commited to another person and putting that person’s needs above your own. It means choosing to love even when you don’t feel loving. Sorry you guys had a fight. I hate fighting with my husband. It feels crappy! But I know that no matter how badly we blow it, that we are committed to each other and that those fights usually bring us closer to together as we resolve what ever problem we are facing! *hugs*
September 10, 2009 3:36 AM
ymk said…
I didn’t realize it would be so difficult to answer considering I’m married and all. Good question. Will come back with the answer soon.
Somewhere in those marriage vows there’s something about the two becoming one. I think that’s part of it – it becomes its own entity. This should not be at the expense of either partners individuality, but it DOES become something new and strong. Reading all of the comments I can’t help but think of the lyrics to “Ain’t No Crime” – lyrics such as: Well now you tell me you love somebody And you’ll love ’em forever, you may love ’em forever, But you won’t like ’em all of the time. Well now you tell me you need somebody For the rest of your life you might have somebody, But you won’t want ’em ev’ry day.
September 10, 2009 4:01 AM
brainella said…
Nothing quite like equivocation, but I do like UP’s response. 🙂 I think defining it literally is easy but figurative is not.
Wow. What a provocative post. What marriage is? It’s easier to tell you what marriage isn’t. Listen up young people and run like hell if your relationship is: Violent Jealous Suspicious Untrusting Sarcastic Nasty Name Calling Overbearing Controlling I guess to me (my) marriage is: Respect Love Caring Dignity Honor Charitable Shared experiences – (both good and bad) And I feel bad for Speaking from the crib…
Yikes…sorry about the fight. No fun, but we’ve all been there. Marriage is dynamic. Every day is a new day with surprises and challenges. Through it all, you have to focus on oneness…in a marriage, you’re a team, and it’s important to communicate clearly and respect deeply. Marriage is work, but it is worth it.
September 10, 2009 8:50 AM
Sassy Chica said…
is this a trick question?? Marriage is like washing a face. One hand washes the other, two hands wash a face! It is a partnership and commitment to work together and the benefit is LOVE! Smooches, Sassy Chica
Oooo!! Deep! I like it!! This time around (snort!) marriage means: commitment trust respect love the ability to take and the ability to give understanding the definition of “foreva” a sense of humor compassion, etc., etc. I could go on an on, but most importantly, I think you need to know that life isn’t always going to be pink ponies and butterflies and that some times are going to suck. But the love can and will outweigh the bad. (If you would’ve asked me this question 10 years ago, I would’ve looked at you like you had 3 eyes. Life for me is much different now! lol)
September 10, 2009 11:32 AM
One Sassy Girl said…
Marriage to me… means unattainable 😉 Just kidding, it’s a commitment to someone you love that you will try to understand and love them thru both good and bad times… I think. Hard ? to answer having never been married. I love that dialogue. I can feel your mood, his mood, their moods. It’s actually quite funny. Read it in a day or two and you’ll laugh pretty hard at it!
Marriage means…that there is someone to watch me shake my belly bag and pretend they like it. Actually, this is a really hard question. I’d like to say it means a partnership in which both people support the other and help them grow and be. But, in my experience, I generally feel more like it’s a sole proprietorship in which I am the President and everyone else pretty much does my bidding. From time to time, my VP attempts something crazy like changing the operating procedures or approving an expenditure without my approval, but he comes to his senses (possibly b/c of corrective action) and realizes his mistake. I figure, I do tons more so I get to make more of the daily choices. Hopefully one day, with the proper training, he will be able to join me at the helm. But, until then, it’s all me (and a little of him), Baby!
being married means that you can tell your mate in the midst of a conflict that “I will always love you, but right now I dont like you.” That gives both combatants the surety that there is still a bond, but one that needs to work thru something toghther.
Isn’t it hard NOT to write exactly what happened and just let it all out!?! I can’t blog about fights with the hubby…it’s one of my rules, but writing about something else and pretending that’s not going on is SO hard. You tactfully did both…way to go!
Because I’m divorced I feel infinitely qualified to answer this. Oh, and because I’m now in a ‘grown up’ relationship. Marriage is, caring more about someone else’s happiness than your own. (Think about it, if you put each other first….)
Ooooo that’s a good question. Marriage to me is the ultimate commitment. You can’t choose any part of your family but your spouse, and by joining in marriage you are saying that your family is not whole without that person. That you can’t imagine your life without them. That you trust them with everything, with yourself. That there is love that is there to stay, no matter how you might feel after a bad day at work or a slew of miserable people. That you have found and made yours the one person who makes you whole. Even though there may be days you want to smother that person with a pillow while he sleeps. Too sappy?
Marriage means so many things to me. It means love that is unconditional. And sometimes messy. Sometimes mean. It means saying I am sorry and not really always feeling sorry but being sorry any way. It means snuggles at bedtime. Sometimes forced : ). It means headaches and happiness all smooshed up into one big something wonderful. I really have no idea : ) I am glad I could learn from my parents marriage of 33 years. They taught me first and now I am trying to follow in their footsteps. Truly thought provoking post!
I asked my 97 year old friend what marriage was about and he surprised me with a sweet and loving romantic answer about respect, kindness, and cherishing. Upon hearing this, his 95 year old wife rolled her eyes and said marriage is about compromise! They’ve been married for 67 years. xo
There must be something in the air, because the ‘non-honeymoon’ stage seems to be happening over here, too. Marriage to me means a 50/50 partnership. But in reality, it’s usually more like 80/20 – and that’s being generous on that 20 portion. 😉 Marriage isn’t easy, that’s for sure – there are two individuals with their own personality and those personalities will clash, it’s inevitable. But Communication and Compromise are definitely key ingredients, though most often that can be one-sided as well, which accounts for the 80/20 partnership vs. the 50/50. 🙂 I bet I didn’t help one little bit, did I? 🙂
September 11, 2009 6:41 AM
latinmomof4punks said…
What marriage means to “LatinMomof4Punks”: (*13yrs of marriage & counting*) Marriage means, the ability to create a Wonderful story, full of Good & Bad memories between two “Imperfect” people, and understanding that the tough moments in a relationship have been a test of strength, and realizing that the Good times are the blessings of having two people work “Very Hard” to create something, between two highly imperfect beings that do not deserve such a wonderful bond. ~Amor, Familia Y Cultura~ Betty
September 11, 2009 8:43 AM
angelcel said…
Marriage for me means sharing my life with my friend, my soul mate and my other half. We’re childhood sweethearts and it was literally love at first sight. We’re in our 27th year of marriage, 29th of living together so I’ve pretty much grown up with him. In fact I don’t know how I’d live without him. Sorry you had a bit of a blue. I hope it’s all back on an even keel again. Have a good weekend. 🙂
I blogged about it, but to simplify, I’ll leave you with this quote from Vanilla Sky-“You can do whatever you want with your life, but one day you’ll know what Love truly is. It’s the sour and the sweet. And I know sour, which allows me to appreciate the sweet.”
One thing marriage means is seeing (and being seen) your partner at his worst: just out of bed, angry, depressed, sick, whatever and still loving them (being loved). Not being afraid to be completely vulnerable and dependent on them at times, they won’t use it against you. And of course, having someone a foot taller than me reach stuff on the top shelf!
Marriage, to me, is the act of becoming a family when nature hasn’t already made you so. This is what I tell my daughter when she says she wants to marry her baby brother someday. I tell her that she and her brother don’t need to marry, because they’re already family. I tell her that her dad and I married because we wanted to be part of the same family — and being part of the same family is a forever thing. My husband is no more replaceable to me than my mom or dad are, as it should be.
Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said…
Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said…
Melissa said…
Kathy B! said…
Betty said…
confused homemaker said…
SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said…
Ekanthapadhikan said…
The Gman said…
Stephanie said…
Trudy said…
blueviolet said…
Traci said…
Aunt of 14 said…
Peterson Family said…
FranticMommy said…
FranticMommy said…
Nori D said…
Crystal said…
DysFUNctional Mom said…
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Mom of Three said…
Lauren said…
ymk said…
Tammy Howard said…
brainella said…
The Good Cook said…
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Ms. Lovely said…
Kara @ His, Hers and Ours said…
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parentingBYdummies said…
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Life with Kaishon said…
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