Hi, how are you? Busy I’m sure making all kinds of entertainment for the likes me. Now I don’t want this to come off as me being ungrateful and all, but I thought I would just let you know where I stand on some of the entertainment you provide for me.
You see, I am the mami of two very young kids and my time is very limited. When I get a chance to watch something I am excited and also feel like I am racing against the clock because one of my kids will surely wake up or need me at any moment. I simply do not have time to waste on crap unless it is my children’s and I am either cleaning it off of them or myself. That is why I am kindly asking you to keep the crap you produce at a minimum.
Here is a short list of things you never need to include in any program or movie that is created for my viewing enjoyment. Keep in mind this is not a complete list, but perhaps it will give you an idea of clichés that are so tired it is embarrassing. Really, I hate it when I have to feel embarrassed for you.
So here goes, I never need to see…
- A movie that ends with a Hollywood kiss while the camera spins around the couple and a crowd surrounds them while clapping. Enough with that ending already! Seen it, seen it, seen it.
- A movie or show that has a race to the airport where one star-crossed lover is trying to reach the second star-crossed lover before they board a plane and the first mentioned star-crossed lover has to buy a ticket to get to the boarding gate where the second star-crossed lover is and almost makes it, but not quite so they leave all crest-fallen only to be happily surprised that the second star-crossed lover never got on the plane. Oh and for crying out loud don’t you dare end this scenario with a Hollywood kiss.
- A western or any other genre that features a whorehouse where whores, when they are in a group, giggle like giddy school girls when they are about to bed their client. Now, I have never frequented a whorehouse and perhaps this truly happens at all the fun whorehouses but I find it annoying and a bit demeaning. Really, there must be some whores out there that don’t giggle when they are about to have group sex. I mean what kind of example are you setting for whores?
- A movie or show where the hot blond girl has a dumpy although adorably funny brunette buddy. Seriously?! I’ve seen enough of this B.S. to last me a lifetime. Everyone knows that hot blond girls travel in packs and do not befriend un-hot brunettes.
- Token casting. Ugh! I won’t get into your idea of multi-cultural casting because really you just need to go take a seminar on cultural sensitivity or something ’cause having one “token” on each production that is almost never the lead just doesn’t cut it. There are a few exceptions where you have gotten it right and perhaps that was a mistake, but if it was then I encourage you to keep making that mistake.
Anyway, that’s all I have time to get into for now because one of my kids just took a crap. I hope that the next time I have time to sit down and spend some time with your latest creation it will not make me feel like I am changing a poopy diaper ’cause that is not fun or entertaining.
P.S. Please know that I have enjoyed some of the things you’ve made and I guess those gems are what have kept me coming back for more.