I am 8 years older than my brother, which means I changed a lot of his diapers. I loved coming home to my little brother. When I was 10 I had a sort of routine where I would get out of school, go to the corner store, buy candy, walk home, and play with my brother. I used to love buying Whoppers because I could eat them slowly and still have some left when I got home.
Well, one day I got home and my brother’s diaper needed to be changed. No biggie. I laid him on the ground, changed his poopy diaper, cleaned everything up, and when I went to pick up my box of Whoppers I noticed one had fallen out of the box. I wasn’t about to waste a Whopper so I picked it up and popped it in my mouth.
IT WASN’T A WHOPPER; IT WAS A PIECE OF TURD!!!! I’ve never had a Whopper again (or a piece of turd for that matter).
My poor mother, I don’t know how she ever survived without my eye-rolling and constant instructions on how to do things better.
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” —Mark Twain
I have a young friend who tells people that when his regular teacher is out he has a “prostitute” teacher. Poor substitute is being called a prostitute. So sad, and unfair because the prostitute probably makes more money.
Along the same lines, when I was young I used to refer to adults in Spanish as “adulteros”, which translates to adulterers. Although all adulterers are adults, I hope not all adults are adulterers.
I love leaving comments on blogs, I absolutely love it. I hate word verification, I absolutely hate it. It is really a pain in the a** if I’m trying to comment from my iPhone. Could you please get rid of it? Honestly, are you having a huge problem with spam? Please, pretty please. I want to be a good commenter, but I need your help.
Stacey
said…
I will never look at another Whopper the same way again. I laughed out
loud at your word mix-ups. I remember deep sea fishing and catching an
octopus. I told everyone the story of how his “testicles” got stuck to
the side of the boat (aka tentacles).
September 3, 2009 10:15 PM
latinmomof4punks
said…
LMFAO!!!!Funny!!!!!!!!!!”Chingow” (Oops!)”I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TAKE THE WORD VERIFICATION OFF”. (J/K) LOL!”HAPPY VIERNES AMIGA”*Thanx for stopping by my blog*~Amor, Familia Y Cultura~ Betty
September 3, 2009 10:29 PM
DysFUNctional Mom
said…
OMG! My eyeballs almost popped out of my head when I read that you ate a turd. EWWW! I love Whoppers though. I’m cracking up at the Prositute Teacher part too – and you’re right, prostitutes probably do make more money!
September 3, 2009 11:49 PM
Helen McGinn
said…
*LOL* I don’t know how many comments I’ve left that haven’t got through because of word verification. Ditto!
September 4, 2009 1:18 AM
Frau
said…
OMG I love Whoppers but I can never look at one again without that thought. Good thing I also love Milk Duds!
September 4, 2009 2:01 AM
♥Rocío♥
said…
Whoppers anyone?No thanks Huh!?!LOL!!!MAN!! I hate that word verification thing too!!! horrible thing I tell you!! same situation with the iphone here!I’m
have this disquis comment system on my blog where they ask you for your
name email and http… Let me tell you that I hate and love it at the
same time because I can reply to the messages right away but I am afraid
that people just hate the darn thing!!!! Oh well!Have a Lovely Long Weekend!!
September 4, 2009 2:59 AM
Sara Elizabeth Bonds
said…
A turd!? Gross! I can see why you haven’t had one since.As for
the word verification, AMEN sister! I don’t like them. I know bloggers
want to keep spammers out, but that can be done other ways.
September 4, 2009 3:35 AM
Tammy Howard
said…
I knew there was gonna be a mix-up, but I did not anticipate it ending up in your mouth…
September 4, 2009 3:36 AM
Mary Ellen
said…
I may be traumatized for life after reading that Whoppers story. Egads!
I’m glad I don’t like them, but now I think I can’t even let anybody eat
them near me!!I’m with you on the word verification thing. I
haven’t ever used it on my blog, and in a year I’ve only gotten two or
three spam comments. I chuckled at the prostitute teacher thing – you’re right that they’d be making more money! Thanks for the laugh.
September 4, 2009 5:36 AM
Eternal Lizdom
said…
You are always welcome to leave comments on my blog- no word verification, no mod approval, etc. Totally open!The prostitute thing CRACKS ME UP. My mom works as a sub in her school district… now I wonder what her days are REALLY like.
September 4, 2009 6:06 AM
M
said…
You are a really good commenter, and just because you asked, I’m getting
rid of the word verification. Thanks so much for reading my blog and
for keeping up with it through your comments. It makes my heart happy
every time I read one. Which reminds me, you’re the only one who
commented on the post about the wrap I made (that made me sad), so I’d
be happy to make one and send it to you. Just email me at
mrsdrheyman@gmail.com if you want it, and we can work out the details,
like fabric types and stuff, and you can tell me where to send it. Thanks again for being a good Mommy, a good blogger, and a great commenter! Keep it up!! :)M :)http://Mandthe2Henrys.blogspot.comhttp://HomemakerPhD.blogspot.com
September 4, 2009 6:21 AM
Yelena R.
said…
Oh man….I should stop reading your posts at work….my coworkers think
I’m some sort of a weirdo just randomly laughing…you are too funny!p.s. I agree with the word verification thing….not necessary!
September 4, 2009 6:33 AM
brainella
said…
Okay…now I’m going to be leery of Whoppers. Sheesh!I know a teacher that used to be a stripper. Is that the same thing? 🙂
September 4, 2009 7:06 AM
Nori D
said…
HAHAHAHA about the whopper! It hits home for me because my 2 year old
poops whopper looking kakis all the time, and sometime they fall, or
rather roll on the floor (like last night!). The other day I changed her
diaper in the living room, A few hours later I saw a brown thing on
the floor. Was it a cocoa puff, or was it a poop? I don’t know, I just
swept it up, and hoped none of my kids played with it.By the
way, I’m getting rid of the darn verification thing. I hate when I have
to do it on people’s blogs, so why do I have it on mine lol
September 4, 2009 7:40 AM
Green-Eyed Momster
said…
I used to love Whoppers! Yikes!I only have word verification in
my comment section because I received over 20 comments one day that
were Chinese porn spam. Don’t ask me how I know it was Chinese!
Deleting them all was a pain in my ass.Sorry, it’s a pain in
your ass! It’s not my intention to be difficult. I love your comments
and I’ll think about doing away with it again. I did away with it once
before.Have a super weekend!Hugs!!
September 4, 2009 8:14 AM
Kathy B!
said…
Oh. My. Gosh.I will not eat for the rest of the day, because it’s going to take that long to keep from feeling nauseous.I can’t believe you ate a turd.
September 4, 2009 8:30 AM
MrsSki
said…
OMG! I almost died when I read the mistaken turd for whopper comment. WOW! BLECK! I love the Mark Twain quote, so true. Poor prostitute teacher! Haha! Kids crack me up!
September 4, 2009 9:03 AM
Peterson Family
said…
Uhhhh…no more Whoppers for me, thank you. Nope. Not after that. And
with the crappy salaries they pay teachers, you never know if the
teacher might need a night job just to make ends meet. (Teachers and
professional athletes should switch salaries.)
September 4, 2009 9:10 AM
Green-Eyed Momster
said…
I did away with W.V. just for you! I can’t promise it’ll last though!Hugs!!
September 4, 2009 9:29 AM
michelle
said…
Goobers or raisinets anyone? Too funny.I love your comments
September 4, 2009 9:33 AM
Kara @ His, Hers and Ours
said…
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat another Whopper again! lolAnd too funny about the prostitute mix up! Have a great weekend! I’m off to check and see if I have word verification…I hope not!
September 4, 2009 10:05 AM
Yaya
said…
Oh EW!
September 4, 2009 10:16 AM
Theta Mom
said…
Whoppers will never be the smae! LOLBTW, just found your blog and I am loving it! I am your most recent follower and look forward to reading more from you!
September 4, 2009 11:34 AM
sarah m
said…
Awesome post!! And can I just say I will probably never be able to eat a
Whopper again either?! Cracking up at the prostitute and adulteros
tidbits…love it! And SERIOUSLY on the word verification?! Enough
already people!! I think they are just scared. I’ve never had mine on
and never had a single spam comment. (please don’t make me eat those
words evil spammers.)
September 4, 2009 11:48 AM
Kirby3131
said…
I have always instructed my mother on how to do things better LOL I
had word verification for about a day last year. I figure if I have a
hard time figuring out those letters, then everyone else must as well.Kristin – The Goat
September 4, 2009 12:42 PM
Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)
said…
Ewwwww! Whopper Turds! I’ll probably never look at a Whopper the same again… :)Hilarious
about the ‘prostitute’ teacher…and you’re probably right, prostitutes
get paid more! And even funnier you used to refer to adults as
‘adulteros’…bet you got a lot of funny looks! ;)I hate word verification, too – it really is a pain to maneuver sometimes, especially when in a hurry! :)Happy FF! 🙂
September 4, 2009 1:17 PM
won
said…
Oh Great! My son and I were just talking about Whoppers this week. We wanted to buy some soon. I fear that might just have been ruined for me too!
September 4, 2009 2:24 PM
Christy
said…
Wow – what do you say to that Whoppers experience…just glad it wasn’t
me! That had to be about the grossest thing ever. And word mix-ups…I
tend to do that with song lyrics sometimes. Those crazy 80s songs can
be a hoot if you screw up the words. BTW, thanks for stopping by my
blog!
September 4, 2009 2:49 PM
SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB
said…
found your blog from HOUSEWIFE SAVANT. I love finding new blogs, and
really LOVE your blog! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! I am a mommy blogger. Come and
give me a visit to follow and I’ll return the favor! http://www.speakingfromthecrib.com/
September 4, 2009 4:57 PM
Evansmom
said…
I am totally with you on the word verification! Great FF. Enjoy the long weekend!
September 4, 2009 4:59 PM
badmommymoments
said…
Poop and prostitutes are a great way to start a long weekend. You are hilarious, Unknown Mami! (And I love that MT quote.)
September 4, 2009 5:09 PM
♥georgie♥
said…
OMGOMGOMG LMAO!!! This was hysterical…OMGosh i am so glad i do not eat whoppers…I am intrigued what is egyptian magic? do tell
September 4, 2009 5:19 PM
Mommy Words
said…
Ewwww a turd. No more whoppers for me now. You have sealed the deal 🙂 This was all too funny. I am now a follower!
September 4, 2009 5:47 PM
Kara @ His, Hers and Ours
said…
So, I had to come back to let you know that I disabled my word verification…just for you my friend! lol 😉
September 4, 2009 5:51 PM
Mrs4444
said…
I don’t have word verification, do I?That Whopper story? Wow.LOVED the prostitute fragment-very funny.Comments
have added so much joy to my life. Really, if all I had in life were
family and comments on my blog, I might be satisfied.
September 4, 2009 6:05 PM
Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com
said…
I about choked after reading the Whopper story! I’ll get rid of the word verification just for you!
September 4, 2009 6:58 PM
Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com
said…
I about choked after reading the Whopper story! I’ll get rid of the word verification just for you!
September 4, 2009 6:58 PM
The Redhead Riter
said…
How do you ever live now eating your brother’s poop!? Eeeewwwwwwww THAT was gross, but I laughed and laughed.
September 4, 2009 7:37 PM
Semi-Slacker Mom
said…
Thanks for taking away my love for Whoppers!And thanks for
commenting even with word verification. Last week my blog got flagged by
Blogger as a spam blog, so I had to put it up. I hate it too!
September 4, 2009 7:45 PM
Martha in PA
said…
Thanks for stopping by! I will never see a Whopper again without thinking of your story!Have a great weekend!
September 5, 2009 2:05 AM
FranticMommy
said…
Ew..I think I may have thrown up my mouth a little. I will never look at a Whopper the same again. Or a Raisinette. 🙂
September 5, 2009 5:52 AM
Joanna Jenkins
said…
I’m with you on word verification. I used to have it, but turned it
off, then I got a ton of spam (50 per day!) but I still keep it off. It
drives me nuts– especially when you don’t know it’s coming and you
already closed the comment box. GrrrrAnd about those Whoppers- Oy! That must have been nasty!Have a great weekend.xo
September 5, 2009 10:59 AM
SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB
said…
thank you for visiting my blog and becoming a follower of SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB – i am now a follower of yours too! http://www.speakingfromthecrib.com
September 5, 2009 12:04 PM
4 Lettre Words
said…
My sister is 8 years older than me! I’m sure she would love that story.
September 5, 2009 12:47 PM
Smellyann
said…
Hilarious fragments!! And I’m completely with you on the word-verification thingies. HATE THEM!!
September 5, 2009 5:52 PM
Melissa B.
said…
That’s a Whopper of a tale, if you don’t mind me saying so…
September 5, 2009 6:27 PM
ItsKelly
said…
The whopper story was hilarious! I’ll be thinking about you the next time I’m eating them. :OI
hate word verification too. Apparently in SquareSpace (what I use to
blog/host) the verification will come up if the comments is suspected as
spam. It’s soooo annoying, and there’s no way to turn it off. It’s the
only thing I don’t like about SquareSpace.
September 5, 2009 7:01 PM
Clare
said…
oh god, I will never be able to eat a whopper now without thinking of
poo. Mami, for you, I just got rid of word verification. For those who
want to know how I did it, I went to my Dashboard, Settings and then
comments. About half way down it says word verification yes or no
September 5, 2009 8:19 PM
One Sassy Girl
said…
Oh girl, you and me both! That who CAPTCHA thing was my way of
indirectly telling people word verifications are stupid. But I think a
lot of people missed the irony. Ugh.The Twain quote is a GREAT find. Just told it to my mom and she laughed like a madwoman!
September 6, 2009 2:40 PM
blueviolet
said…
It was a turd?!! That’s absolutely horrible! I’d never eat a Whopper again either, or a Milk Dud!
September 6, 2009 5:29 PM
L.
said…
Oh Mami, I came here because I knew you’d make me laugh and wow, you sure did. I love your blog.Thanks for the healing thoughts, keep sending them!And I’m disabling word verification right now…and then crawling back to bed 🙂
September 7, 2009 7:57 AM
Marsupial
said…
Thanks for the laugh Mami!
September 7, 2009 11:56 AM
Mrs4444
said…
FYI, I’m linking to this post tonight 🙂
September 7, 2009 2:52 PM