I Saw My Mother Get Beaten, Help Me Stop Domestic Violence #PurplePurse

In collaboration with The Allstate Foundation and Latina Bloggers Connect.

This is the post that in over four years of blogging my heart out, I’ve never wanted to write. I’ve avoided this post quite successfully, then when the opportunity came up to partner with the Allstate Foundation and Latina Bloggers Connect to work on a sponsored program for #PurplePurse campaign, which urges people to talk openly about domestic violence, I ignored it because domestic violence sucks, but it’s not my issue. Then the opportunity was presented to me again and I may be hard-headed, but I’m not a total idiot and I want to do some good in this world and also it’s time to admit even though I’ve spent most of my time denying it, domestic violence is MY issue and it’s time to talk about it.

Here’s my story. I’ve never been hit by a man. I’ve never been controlled financially by a man (well, at least not as an adult), but I know up close and personal about domestic violence because as a child I saw my mother get hit over and over again. I wish I could tell you that it was just by one man, but it wasn’t. I saw her get hit by three men she was romantically involved with when I was a child and I jumped on one that was about to hit her once so I’m not sure if he ever hit her when I wasn’t around. My mother seemed to be cursed with beauty and violent men.

I don’t tell these stories because these are absolutely some of the WORST memories of my life. They make my gut hurt and they make me type this post with tears streaming down my face. I don’t talk about it because it’s awful. Because I loved some of these men. Because my mother would sometimes scream out for me when she was getting hit and I didn’t know what to do. I froze. It feels like I let it keep happening. Those screams…I’ll never forget those screams.

It’s easy to say she could have left and you know what, eventually she did. Eventually she left every single one of those men who hit her, but it wasn’t easy. Money was always a big issue. Where do you go when someone else control the finances?

I’ve never admitted this to anyone, not even to myself until this very moment. The reason I don’t talk about domestic violence and what my mother went through and what I went through is that I KNOW it could have turned out so differently. You see, one of the men that hit my mother over and over again, a man that my mother tried to leave repeatedly, a man that I loved dearly, pulled a gun on her during one of his rages and I saw him do it. In that moment my 5-year-old self, and my mother, and he KNEW that he was perfectly willing and able to kill her. Time stopped and in my heart I know that somehow my being in the room, somehow the love he had for me because I KNOW he loved me even if he was a monster stopped him from killing my mother. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t been in the room or maybe I do.

We got away. He didn’t take my mother away from me and I know how lucky I am, I know that so many others aren’t as lucky.

So I wrote this post even though I didn’t want to because it’s time. Domestic violence affects millions, but many don’t talk about it. It’s time to talk about it.

During the month of October in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month and as part of the Purple Purse campaign The Allstate Foundation will donate $5 (up to a total of $350,000) for every virtual Purple Purse passed to the YMCA for programs aimed to help domestic violence survivors and women in need. How do you virtually pass the Purple Purse? It’s easy, click on the image below or visit www.purplepurse.com and enter the code you see below (0003), that’s it.

If you are wondering why a purple purse? Purple is the national color of domestic violence awareness and the purse represents a woman’s financial center. Lack of financial knowledge or resources often determine whether a domestic violence victim stays or returns to an abusive relationship.

So PLEASE help me pass this Purple Purse and tell other people about it. You never know who you may be helping. If you need help please, call the National Domestic Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).