Mi Nana (my grandmother) was not my favorite person. I thought she was racist, sexist, and petty. When I was little she would come and visit and steal my clothes to give to poorer relatives in Mexico. I learned to go through her luggage before she left to get my clothes out.
Don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t all bad and in all honesty she had lots of grandchildren and I am the only one who remembers her this way. This would lead most to believe that perhaps my feelings about her have more to do with me than her.
The thing is that I was an independent opinionated child. I did not want to learn to cook or sew or any of the other “female” things my Nana seemed to think would serve me well as an adult. They did not seem like tools as much as they felt like shackles.
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Whenever she would come to visit I would initially be happy to see her and give her a warm embrace. After a couple of days, I would do my best to ignore her retelling of the same stories I’d heard a million times that always seemed to get more and more exaggerated. I mean honestly, maybe my grandfather did play poker with the Devil on a Greyhound bus, but I have a hard time believing the Devil had chicken feet. That’s just preposterous!
It was definitely a difficult relationship that made me define myself in opposition to my Nana. I don’t think she had the same issues. I think she loved me and was showing her love by imparting her wisdom; I just didn’t want to be imparted upon.
Even now that she has been dead for over a decade, I still struggle with our relationship. I wish I would have been more understanding as a child. I regret the lessons I missed learning because of my stubbornness.
We get along better now. She comes to me in dreams. She once sang to me “Y volver, volver, volver, a tus brazos otra vez” (To return, return, return, to your arms once again). She used to talk about people coming to her after they died and I would just roll my eyes. Now she comes to me.
There were many things I didn’t appreciate about my Nana, but one thing I always loved was her soup. My Nana made the best soup in the world. It didn’t matter what kind it was: albondigas, fideo, posole – it was all good! She would ask me if I wanted her to make me soup and I would always say, “Si, por favor!” I would watch her in the kitchen and as much as I tried not to learn I guess I did because I make really good soup, not as good as hers, but pretty damn good.
My daughter, Put Pie, is 11 months old and isn’t really into “food” I’ve tried giving her sweet potatoes, peas, bananas, you name it and she’s just not into it. Yesterday I made a big pot of soup because my mother is sick and I wanted to mother her. My husband poured some of the soup into a bowl and started feeding it to Put Pie and much to my surprise she loved it. She wanted more and kept saying, “Mmmm, mmm”. Can I tell you I just about started crying because my daughter likes my soup?!
My daughter likes my Nana’s soup! I’m crying right now because my Nana did love me and she did teach me and now she is loving and teaching my daughter through me.
I included this video because it made me stop crying.
Image via jordimarsol/Flickr
Despite all of your resistance, Nana still got through. She's definitely a part of you. What a wonderful little gift that your daughter gave to you by loving your soup.I so enjoyed reading this today.
Oh what a beautiful post to read before I start a typical Monday at work. My Nan taught me how to bake and knit, the only two skills that I will be able to pass on to my boo. Justin Timberlake on SNL is the best. Have you seen his Bee Gees skit?
My Grandmother had Alzheimer and would pick fights with my Mother & I. She seemed to find the most hurtfully things to say. I always battled over my own anger towards her. She too comes to me in my dreams now. But, in mine she is a young woman laughing, flirting full of life. I think in her way she is trying to show me that she was once a different woman. In one dream sat they called her Dottie. When I asked my Mom about it she told me that's what she went by in her 20s.Thanks for sharing.
That's such a heart-warming story. At least now you have a way to share the love between the two of you with your daughter, and that is so precious. Thanks for stopping by my blog!
It is interesting how are perspective changes as travel along our journey. Thanks for sharing the soup and the video.
My paternal grandmother used to make me crazy. She would want to love on us and have us sit in her lap. She would call us out of the blue just to talk to us. Can you imagine? The nerve of her showing us how much she loved us like that! It wasn't until I started working on our family tree in 1993 that I discovered the real reason for this outpouring of affection. One of her sons died at the age of 7 and she lost a little girl at the age of 5 and had one stillborn infant daughter. She and my grandfather had also taken in a foster son and were in the midst of adopting him when a family member came in and took him out of their house after he had been living with them for 2 years!I felt so horrible about my behavior as a child! But it made me realize that we really don't know people's stories. We have no idea what has shaped them into the people we know, or think we know.
I'm not watching the video today. I'll watch it another time. I'm on vacation so I can cry my eyes out if I want to! This is a very sweet story! I want some of your soup too! With sourdough bread!Hugs!!
What a beautiful post. From a child rightfully resenting having her clothes stolen by Nana to an adult feeding your daughter Nana's soup, what a journey and you tell it so beautifully.
OMG…Chica, I think we share a grandma! I can relate to your post on many levels. Both of my Grandmothers were unique in showing their love. I now realize they meant well(with their wivestales and supersticions). My paternal grandmother passed away late last year and I am waiting for her in my dreams.This was a lovely post, thank you for sharing.Smooches,Sassy Chica
That is sweet. And my Grandmother is always telling me the same stories over and over again. I know it annoys me now but I'll miss it when she's gone.
That is a beautiful story. I don't blame you for mistrusting your Nana–she could have handled the clothing issue a lot better (like enlist your help instead of taking from you). But the fact that you've come such a long way in your feelings for her just proves what an amazing person you are.
You know what they say…Soup is good food. Whether it's a cup o' Nana's or a cup o' Justin Timberlake. It all feeds the soul
What a sweet and touching post! Now I'm crying AND laughing!
I love how you write. I feel like you connect with us. Like we are your friends. Comfort food is always…well it's comforting.
I love this story. Youth is wasted on the young — if only we all could appreciate what we see and experience as children. 🙂 My Gram passed away earlier this year — she was my last living grandparent. I miss her and her opinions lots. You can appreciate all you learned and can pass on.
I can totally relate. My Nana is incredibly difficult and petty. She's selfish and wants to be a burden. But she makes these killer oatmeal cookies and exhausts herself over the sewing machine making place mats and dishtowels for me. I struggle to keep a loving feeling all the time, but I know I LOVE her.
That was beautiful. You really know how to capture and share strong emotions.
So sweet!I have a dificult relationship with my grandmother… but your story made me want to call her….And, what kind of soup was it?
What a lovely post! You made me cry at the end! What a wonderful thing to pass down from your Nana to your wee girl!Awesome story!
I love reading your blog because I feel i get to know you little by little. I am sure your nana knew that you loved her and that you were a spirited child,but not one that did not love her nana.It's great that she comes to you in dreams! I'm glad that you have been able to reconnect from the beyond!
Such a great post. Aren't grandmothers something? Mine died when I was 12, but she really was the heart of our whole family and we have a BIG family. I was one of the lucky grandchildren to live with her. Man I miss her so much right now. I wish she'd visit in my dreams.John
i relate so much to this post. thank you for sharing this and remind us to appreciate what we have today.
Wow, that is so touching. I got along very well with my Gram… and less so with my Gramps until I was in college — right before he died. But there is so much more that I wish I could have gotten from them, and I wish that they would visit me in my dreams. And how incredibly cool that Put Pie loves her soup. Now you need to share that recipe with us, too?
What a beautifully written and loving post. Thank you so much for sharing. I consider this the FRIST time you'll tell this story to your daughter and then your grandchildren. 999,999 to go!xo
Lovely story. It does seem to be human nature to sometimes not truly appreciate those who love us until they're gone. I love the way your grandmother visits you in your dreams and I'm sure she's smiling to see that her soup is being enjoyed by the next generation. 🙂
thanks for sharing. Time does have a way of changing our view.That story about the devil sounds interesting. Do you remember much of it?
Although my Grandmother experiences are somewhat different from yours, I love that you can now see the love she was sharing! Neither one of my Grandmas could cook that well. Or at least if they did, I don't remember. : ). Do you have a picture of your Grandma and you? I bet if you put that in your daughters room your daughter would treasure it someday : )
Recipes from grandmas…they are like threads that weave us all together, aren't they? I never knew my grandparents, and the last passed away when I was 12. When I was 30, I wished I had known my Grandma Draeger, so I started a family cookbook, asking my 34 cousins to send recipes and memories of Grandma. The result is a family heirloom, but something even better than that came from it….My grandma, I think knowing that I was seeking her out, came to me one night in a "dream" in which we spent an entire day together. It was wonderful, and I awoke with the greatest sense of peace I have ever had. Thanks for your treasure of a post.
"You had me in tears Amiga". Thanx for posting and honoring your Nana's memory.~Amor, Familia Y Cultura~ Betty